Hashing out my stories

dream interpretation

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Dream Blogging – Falling Birds

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This is a short dream I had recently, where I was walking down a city street and saw grey birds falling out of the sky. I saw two land in separate trees and something told me that there was an ecological disaster causing them to fall. When I went up to the first bird, it was limp and laying on a branch – but still moving a little. I picked it up and held it in my hands, wondering how to help it.

When I went to the second tree, I saw that the bird was a little more alert. I got close to it and it opened its beak – to reveal a tiny, grey, 3D printed cube inside its mouth.

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I saw that the other bird also had one in its mouth and tried to carry them both into a building – to find a work colleague to help the birds. As I walked along, I worried that the birds would die, and when I got to my work colleague, he was blase about them and said they’d get better soon. I felt that he was brushing me off.

THEMES: Environmental calamity, illness, looking for answers.

SYMBOLS: Sky, grey birds, 3D cubes, beaks/mouths, trees.

EMOTIONS: Worry and concern, confusion.

ARCHETYPES: Birds, Animus – work colleague

INTERPRETATION: I get the feeling that – yet again – it was telling me about my physical state. I’ve been improving my diet and exercising of late, and also discovered that my Thyroid medication was too strong. Birds symbolize ideas and thoughts, as well as vehicles for escape and freedom. I feel that they also symbolized my “high hopes” for my books – falling out of the sky representing the lack of sales etc.

I have been disappointed with the progress/success of my writing and even told my husband that I felt like giving up. He told me that it was just a slump and to keep going – that one day, I would have success if I keep plugging at it. Also – the pleasure I get from writing and sharing ideas and stories is one of the main reasons I write.

The 3D cubes in their beaks/mouths is a mystery – although I could interpret them to mean concrete, or three dimensional ideas and solutions within the fallen or failing ideas. For example: the birds (ideas, my books etc) are not staying afloat due to the methods I’m using (and not using) to market and promote. The 3 D cube could symbolize the fact that there’s something solid there, but I have to find a solution.

Trying to get my work colleague to help could indicate my frustrations with the public and potential readers – not seeming to be interested in what I have to offer. In regards to the environment, it could represent how I feel about not wanting to jump through the hoops and produce what I feel are frivolous works – just to garner attention and sales.

It might also indicate how I’m feeling about my frustrations at work and my life in general – especially when I’m low or depressed – thinking that, no matter what I do, it’s an uphill battle with no reward.

SUMMARY: I feel that I need to analyze this dream more, but it does seem to symbolize my “malaise”. I’ve been half-hearted lately, in terms of my writing – so maybe this dream simply reflects those feelings, and indicates a need to be more scientific or well-rounded. Trees can symbolize the integrated Self (they were mostly barren) – so maybe it shows how I feel about myself and my life lately. The ideas and thoughts are there, but they can’t seem to get off the ground. I don’t know. I seem to be going around in circles!


Dream Blogging – A Room with a View

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I was in a house where some teenagers (majority of them were African-American) were gossiping loudly in my mother’s room. When I went in, I saw a couple of them rifling through my mother’s jewelry box. They stopped gossiping and started to pray – pretending that that’s what they were doing the whole time. When I told them that I heard them gossiping – they denied it and said that they were just praying.

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I looked at the jewelry box to see if they had taken anything – but I couldn’t tell. Then I went into my dark room and decided that I wanted to change rooms.

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I went through the house and found a light and airy room – which was opened out to the driveway in a country setting. I didn’t mind that it was open – but I saw that the bed had a lot of dead insects where the pillows were supposed to be.

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In the dream – I thought that I normally wouldn’t mind the insects, but I didn’t want that bed.

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THEMES: Gossip, praying, lies, desire for change, dead bugs, light vs dark.

SYMBOLS: Jewelry box, dark vs light, bed, bugs, outdoors

EMOTIONS: Annoyance, suspicion, yearning for illumination

ARCHETYPES: Teenagers – African-American, Mother (not present)

INTERPRETATION: This is quite personal – suffice it to say that I have issues with my mother stemming from my childhood and the fact that she wasn’t present in person signifies her absence in my life. The gossiping teenagers – especially being African-American – symbolize the childish side of my mother (she is dark) and the fact that others are joining in on the gossip. When I questioned what they were doing, they lied and said that they were praying – which represents her trying to present herself as blameless and pure.

Worrying about what was taken from her jewelry box denotes a fear of the precious things about her – or the hidden treasures that I fear will be stolen from her, therefore me.

The desire to get out of my small, dark bedroom represents my yearning for escape from guilt, or repressed memories. In dreams, the bedroom usually symbolizes the sexual side of yourself – but I feel that it indicates my yearning for openness, freedom and a lighter or even illuminated life. With the new room being open to the elements – it shows how I want to open up into the world and step out of the darkness. (This also represents my public persona and desire to ‘meld’ with others and join the crowd – after having deliberately stayed in the shadows for so long.)

The dead bugs in the bed could represent old, little things that should be of no consequence now. Things like old arguments, bad memories and outdated or unnecessary elements in regards to how I cling to the past. The fact that I didn’t mind them so much – shows how I might still harbor resentments (which I do!) – or how those things still plague me. The fact that I decided I didn’t want that bed – due to the bugs – indicates that I finally want to move on.

SUMMARY: Time to bury the hatchet and move on. I must remember the good things and not dwell on the bad. It’s time to be more honest and open. I need to get “out there” and get amongst it.


Dream Blogging – Dead bodies and Dirty Water

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I was in a field with long grass where there was a patch mowed in a square. As I walked past, I looked in and saw several men – supposedly dead – lying along the edges. At first I thought they were just men’s clothes arranged as though men were inside them, but then I realized that they were men. They were wet and I assumed they had drowned before being placed in the square.

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Then I walked to the edge of the field and met up with a work colleague.  She was standing in a queue with other people who were going to a training session and I walked over to talk to her. She was laughing (as usual) and told me that she was trying to get away from a man who was trying to kiss her. She said that he had herpes and she didn’t want to catch it.

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Then she told me that her anal jewelry was bothering her! Later in the dream, I was thirsty and went over to a man who was serving water out of an old metal bucket (or a still). When I went up to him, he handed me a large jar – but I saw that there were a couple of dead insects and a spot of mold floating in it. I wouldn’t drink it, so I went over the road to a covered stand.

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There was an old woman selling her wares – but it looked more like a forgotten trash heap. I thought I saw a table loaded with old animal skulls – displayed in a pyramid fashion. But when I got closer, I realized that they were just knitted and crocheted baby booties.

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I told the woman that I was thirsty, so she pulled a cup of water out of her pocket. I was afraid that it was her urine, so again – I declined.

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THEMES: Death, issues with men, sexuality, disease, thirst, contamination, misinterpretation.

SYMBOLS: Death, grass, square, water, drowning, queue/line, training, sex, water, dirt/filth, skulls, crochet.

EMOTIONS: Confusion, concern, disgust, humor, thirst.

ARCHETYPES: Playful/sexual woman, dead men, peddlars, old woman, animal skulls.

INTERPRETATION: To see the animus (for a woman) – dead in a field – could represent dead sexuality. Fear of losing sexual power – although seeing my colleague happy and chatting about avoiding a man for fear of disease, could also indicate a lackadaisical attitude about avoiding sex. (Hmmm – not like me at all!)

What stumps me is the part about ‘anal jewelry’. This colleague is hilarious and we have a fun time together laughing at work – but I feel that she does represent me, and the ‘anal jewelry’ could symbolize abnormal sexuality. She was off-handed about the comment – so it could represent an element of myself that is glib or flippant about sex.

The fact that the men had possibly drowned (water = subconscious, emotions) – could indicate the men in my past that I’ve “laid out to dry” – or that I am ignoring my sexual side (or the sexual side of my husband.) Without giving too much away (we are very happy!) – we have been very busy of late, with our careers etc. Let’s leave it at that!

The fact that she was in a queue or line – waiting to go into training, could symbolize life still throwing lessons at me. I am very impatient – especially when it comes to my writing career – so maybe it represents the fact that I still have to keep learning and wait my turn.

The thing with the dirty water could have been affected by being thirsty for real. When I went to bed – I had brought a glass of water with me as I was particularly thirsty that night. When I woke up – I was still thirsty, so maybe my physical condition carried over to the dream state. In the dream – I couldn’t drink the nasty water – representing my thirst and lack of clean water to drink. If I was going to interpret it as a dream symbol – it could either tie in with my health (still working on it – eating healthy and all that boring crap!) – or even a “thirst” for sex, which is thwarted – self-inflicted.

The animal skulls (especially in the shape of a pyramid) – could indicate my desire to get back to my pagan side. This is something I’ve been thinking of lately, as I want to re-dedicate myself to the craft. The old lady – who had baby booties (white) – could symbolize my desire to get my business and writing career off the ground. (Babies represent new things, new ideas etc.) The idea of her having urine in her pocket doesn’t escape me. Sometimes I feel like I’m “regurgitating” or re-purposing things!

SUMMARY: I need to continue focusing on my health – and pay more attention to my sexual side. I must remember not to take my husband for granted. I need to think up more creative ways to promote and market my business and writing. I need to get my schedule worked out so I can incorporate my spiritual pursuits. (I’ve already started with clearing out and cleaning my office – to make way for a sacred space.) One step at a time!


Dream Blogging – Update: Message from a UFO

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My recent post – titled “Dream Blogging – Message from a UFO” – https://yourfaceinmyhands.com/2015/05/02/dream-blogging-message-from-a-ufo/ – could have been prophetic!

A few days later – my husband was offered another job – much better in status and pay!

Interesting!


Dream Blogging – Swallowing Feathers

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This is another hodge-podge dream. I had it last week and just now have time to post it – on Mother’s Day, no less!

At first – I was walking through an animal sanctuary – when I came across two lions that were quite pale and thin. I was worried about them but too scared to approach them.

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Then I walked through a section where the birds were. I saw two birds on the ground behind a fence, who were swallowing feathers. One was able to manage at least seven – which were hanging out of it’s mouth as it tilted its head back and slowly swallowed them. The other bird could only manage two feathers and it stood watching the other bird. I sensed that it was upset that it could only manage two – while the other one handled a lot more with ease.

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Then I was in a hotel with a work colleague and her parents. We were going to catch a plane to Canada, and as we walked out the door, I noticed that she had left her jacket behind.

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She was grateful and grabbed it, but as we walked through the airport – I realized that I didn’t have my shoes on – only socks. There wasn’t enough time to go back so I had to continue on without shoes.

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We discovered that we had missed our flight and had to wait for the next one. We went to a cafeteria and sat down to eat. I was annoyed that the only food available was fried food. There were huge platters of all kinds of fried food on the tables, but I wouldn’t eat. I sat and watched the others – quite disgusted.

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Then I was sitting on the edge of a bathtub – peeing relentlessly. I was worried that someone would find out – but there was no toilet and I was busting to go. The whole bathtub filled up and I was still peeing. I frantically tried to get off the edge of the tub – as I wanted to find a toilet – but I tipped the tub and pee spilled all over the floor. I worried that the pee would flow out into the hallway.

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THEMES: Illness, weakness, ingesting foreign objects, thwarted travel, flight, disgust, release.

SYMBOLS: Lions, birds, feathers, swallowing, jacket, shoes, socks, Canada, fried food, pee, bathtub.

EMOTIONS: Concern, wonder, forgetfulness, annoyance, disgust, embarrassment

ARCHETYPES: Lions, Birds, Colleagues, Parents

INTERPRETATION: The theme of concern over sick animals continues! The pale lions represent weakness and dissipating strength – which has been a niggling thing in the back of my mind lately. It could also indicate my concern over apparent lack of interest in regards to my books and numerology business – feeling like I’m having little or no impact and that I am ineffective in my pursuits.

The birds represent the side of me that feel grounded and unable to ‘fly’ – as they were on the ground – doing the opposite of what they are supposed to be doing, which is flying – not eating the things that help them fly. The fact that one bird handled at least seven feathers – while the other one had difficulty with just a few – could symbolize how I feel about my ventures and inability to succeed. Eating and swallowing feathers (which are a symbol of mobility, flight, lightness, adornment, magic, intuition) – could also represent my desire to achieve greater heights and hunger for elevation above the drudgery of everyday life. Alternatively – it could mean that I’m wasting too much time with the promoting and marketing.

Like the Ouroboros – the cycle of death and rebirth (eternity) – the birds were swallowing their own feathers. It could be indicating that I see others doing far better than me and I struggle with just a small level of ventures. This image still bothers me and I continue to try and interpret it.

Being in a hotel with a work colleague – and her parents – represents worrying too much about things that don’t matter. The shoes would have been more important than the jacket. The shoes protect your feet, and even though the jacket provides warmth – it’s more socially acceptable to be without a jacket. The jacket could symbolize my public persona – worrying more about image rather than my health, protection and how I travel in life.

Canada is a place that symbolizes a perfect society – to me, anyway! An idealistic place where people are a lot calmer and seemingly more intelligent and compassionate. In the dream, it could indicate my desire to escape to a place where I would fit in. Missing the plane symbolizes my fear of not ‘making it’. Having only fried food to eat, could represent my annoyance at having to settle for the cheap things that don’t do me any good – when I would prefer good food, therefore better sustenance and a higher level of success and a better life.

Peeing is release of negativity and purging. The fact that I had so much shows how I desire to let it all out, and that no matter how much I do release – it keeps coming. The fear of never being pure or achieving my goals – always needing to purge. The bathtub is a place where you should be cleaning yourself. It symbolizes an opportunity for washing away the dreck to become a new person. Filling it to the brim with more pee coming – then tipping it and flooding the bathroom (and possibly the hallway) – symbolizes my fear of showing my true self to the world. I want to get it out – but at the same time – am embarrassed to do so.

SUMMARY: I need to continue taking better care of myself and work to increase my stamina. I need to stop wasting my energies in areas that do not feed my goals. I feel that the time has come where I need to re-evaluate my ventures and change the way I operate – especially in regards to promoting and marketing. It’s getting to me lately – the fact that I have to work a full time job – which eats into my writing time. I know that we all have to do it – to pay the bills etc – but working a full time job and then coming home every night (and spending every weekend working on my ventures) is zapping my energy levels – leaving nothing left for family and friends.

All work and no play makes Kelly a dull bore!


Dream Blogging – Message from a UFO

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This bizarre dream happened last Thursday. It seemed to be directed more at my husband – so I gave him a head’s up – as it pertains to his work.

We were lying in bed and I noticed bright lights outside. Then it seemed like our roof disappeared – or became transparent – as we looked up and saw clouds moving fast – with what looked like giant wheels coming down. The wheels were like old fashioned wheels with spokes.

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Then two, long metal probes came out of the clouds – with glass orbs at the end of them. The probes were thin and they came so close to us that I was afraid they were going to poke our eyes out. The orbs started projecting an image in front of us – which was showing an email with information about my husbands’ work. (He is a QA Manager at a candy company and is often putting out spot fires – at all hours of the day – even when it’s not his shift.)

We were told telepathically that someone higher up would be mad about an issue at his work – but that he would resolve it and they would eventually apologize for blaming him.

THEMES: Message from the higher self, reassurance, panic, worry.

SYMBOLS: UFO, bright lights, wheels, probe, message.

EMOTIONS: Fear

ARCHETYPES: Alien

INTERPRETATION: I feel that this is a prophetic dream (we’ll see!) – even though my husband is always having to solve other people’s problems. He has been annoyed and worried of late, that his superiors don’t value him and continue to heap work onto him – even though he always does his work in a timely and professional manner.

UFO’s and aliens represent the higher self or spiritual assistance. Some say that UFO’s etc have replaced religion and that they are also symbols of higher powers. In this case – I feel that it could have been a message from ‘beyond’ – or even just our own psyche’s issuing a warning. Bright lights symbolize illumination – alerting us to the fact that all will be revealed.

Wheels turning in the sky – indicates a pun (wheels of the mind turning, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, momentum, things happening). Also – machinations of the powers that be. The probes and orbs trying to pierce our eyes simply indicate a message trying to penetrate our field of vision. The message showed that there would be something to deal with – but that all will turn out fine – in the end.

SUMMARY: This is an ongoing issue for my husband – so it would be nice to see that people finally start recognizing his worth and abilities.


Dream Blogging – Magic Man

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In this dream – one of the ones I had during the week – there was a man who traveled over the ocean in a variety of magical ways. At first he was riding (or surfing) some red waves – like large, rolling ripples. During the trip – he summoned quite a variety of psychedelic/trippy objects to ride on. They included geometric objects – multi-colored – and he jumped from object to object as he “surfed”.

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I was observing and following him – floating behind him. I was aware of his ability to change into a butterfly. (Although I never saw it – I could sense it in the sky – like a simulacrum that he could enter.)

Then we landed in a place that seemed to be a medieval fairground. We went to an old stone building – where a little girl spilled out of his mouth. She turned around and vomited maggots into an old commode.

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THEMES: Abilities, talents, magic, transformation, purging, dealing with issues, moving on – making way for the new

SYMBOLS: Ocean, abstract images, butterfly, colors (esp red), old building, vomiting/purging, maggots, magic

EMOTIONS: Wonder, amazement, concern.

ARCHETYPES: Animus – man, child, butterfly.

INTERPRETATION: The Animus representing the masculine side of myself. He was able to stay above the surface of the ocean. Water represents the subconscious and emotions. The fact that he was riding a variety of crazy objects that were psychedelic in nature – indicates my creativity rising up and out of the subconscious. This is true – as my creativity has risen sharply over the last few months.

The butterfly symbolizes transformation and I feel that the whole dream represented this side of me and my life at the moment. I am transforming myself and finally becoming who I’ve always wanted to be. The butterfly was in the sky and it seems to me that it was letting me know that I can rise above the everyday “dreck” and assume the role I was meant to play.

The old building and the girl coming out of the man’s mouth shows how I can move on and stop obsessing about old hurts and issues. Vomiting the maggots also indicates the purge of old, bad memories. Maggots are horrible – I hate them – but they eat away the bad parts in order to grow and morph into flies, etc. This also symbolizes the need for transformation.

SUMMARY: I feel very good about this dream. It’s telling me that I’m on the right track and that I can become who I’ve been struggling to be. I’m about to release the sequel to my novel and will be interviewed on the radio on 5/5/15 (at Artists first). I am also adapting my novel into a screenplay and have many fingers in many pies. I feel vindicated and justified – even righteous!


Dream Blogging – Caring for the Totems

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As noted in my recent blog about dreaming – the Self is often represented by animals and appears when some kind of order is being restored within ourselves. I had this dream early in the week and it featured three animals. The main theme is providing sustenance and care for the animals – therefore my Self.

I was walking through the bush (not really a forest) and the conditions were similar to a drought. The first animal I saw was an alligator – running down a dirt wall – or maybe the banks of a dry river. I wasn’t afraid but it was rushing at me and I felt like I needed to provide food and water for it – due to the drought. I walked on and saw a dry river – with only a muddy puddle and a little water.

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Somehow I knew that there would be rain or water soon and that there was a lake filled with water somewhere close. As I tried to locate it, I saw the alligator going in the direction of the lake and felt somewhat relieved.

Then I saw a brown horse – a little thinner that it should have been. (In Chinese Astrology – my sign is the Horse – element: fire. This represents an impetuous nature – strong and capable – but sometimes willful and passionate. Definitely me!) I felt sorrow over it’s condition and called it over to me.

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It came over and followed me to a field of wheat. I sat down and it lay its head in my lap as I fed it grasses and wheat. I was happy to feel the energy coming from the horse – as there was such a need for it to get well. (There was a lot of emotion at this point.)

Then I went on into a dense part of the bush – where it was almost a forest – and it was dark. I found a huge tree that was also like a tall row of cupboards (inside – it was hollow and dry). There was a cute little chipmunk on one of the shelves higher up and it scampered down to my hands.

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It was so tiny and adorable and I felt a rush of love for it. When I looked around – I could see that it had been gathering food for itself – but still felt that I needed to take care of it.

THEMES: Taking care of the Self

SYMBOLS: Sustenance, nurturing, food, dry river, wheat, tree, drought

EMOTIONS: Love, devotion, compassion, concern

ARCHETYPES: Animals – alligator, horse, chipmunk

INTERPRETATION: As mentioned earlier – the theme was about healing and taking care of the Self. I have been concerned with my own health lately and have been eating whole foods and trying to stay away from junk, etc. (I have also started taking multi-vitamins and have noticed great improvement in my general health as well as some weight loss.)

First – the alligator as a totem can represent the mother or mothering nature within. The alligator can be ferocious and attacks with vigor – runs fast on land and is deadly in the water – stalking with great levels of stealth. When they take their prey, they tumble and twist under water – doing the death roll – in order to either stun or kill it. Then they stash their meal in an underwater larder.

The alligator guards the borders between water and land and can be both hostile and gentle. They represent primordial energies, survival, power and wisdom. The fact that I needed to find it water might show that my own habitat – and my body – need water. (It’s funny – we are having plumbing problems this week!) My energy levels have been getting better but I sense that this dream is telling me to step it up. The alligator going off to find the lake shows that I’m able to take care of myself and that I’m resourceful.)

The Horse – as mentioned – is my main totem and symbolizes power (in the dream it was somewhat depleted), impatience (very true for me!), transforming wounds into wisdom, sexuality, stamina and freedom. Horses live in groups – so it could indicate that I need to take care of the group/family as well as myself. (Trying the best I can!) The fact that I was feeding and nurturing it – then feeling its strength coming back – shows that again, I’m on the right track.

The chipmunk was probably a symbol of the child in me – taking care of itself (as I had to do when growing up) – but still needing attention. The chipmunk represents agility and mobility, youthful energy, scattered energies (true for me lately!), hoarding, organization. I feel that the chipmunk was letting me know that it was ok – but I felt that I still needed to keep an eye on it.

SUMMARY: Pretty self-explanatory – taking care of myself and others. The Self has been revealed and has advised that I need to continue living healthily – physically and spiritually. Restoration, organization, using my power wisely and living an authentic life are the key messages here.


Dream Blogging – Nightmare: Crazy Woman

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I had this nightmare on Wednesday morning (4/22/15). I wasn’t as scared during the dream as I was when I woke up – for some reason. My husband was up – getting ready for work – and I was too scared to scream out for him. Some strange things happened during the day – which makes me wonder if it was prophetic.

In the dream – I was in a house with some other people. I knew that there was a crazy woman in the bedroom and told the others not to let her out. I looked up the hallway and saw her raging and scrambling around in the bedroom. Then she came darting out of the room and down the hallway – coming for me. We tried to restrain her but she was so crazy – and was trying to suck people’s energy – through their mouths. It was like she had a fiery mouth, and she kept lunging at everyone’s faces.

For some reason, we took her to the pub (it was night time) – and we asked some of the men to help us stop the woman from attacking us. They couldn’t contain her – as she was weaving and running around them – continuing to lunge at people face first.

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Then we left the pub and walked down an alley way – with her following us. Her head turned into a blazing sun – still humanoid – but sending off flares, with her mouth wide open. She finally got to me and when her face got close to mine – I became the same as her – with a flaming head. I also wanted to run at people and suck their energy – even though I was horrified.

THEMES: Draining energy, sexuality, the Shadow unleashed, fear of hidden desires becoming known

SYMBOLS: Fire, vampirism, psychosis, danger

EMOTIONS: Fear, passion, desire to escape

ARCHETYPES: Crazy woman, the Shadow

INTERPRETATION: I see this nightmare from two angles – repressed sexual desire and the need for energy (or fear of others stealing my energy.) As the Shadow – the crazy woman represents the side of myself that wants to be wild, to be heard and accepted. I have a raging desire to be myself lately – and am finding it so difficult to maintain my daily persona – a repressed office worker, when the wild woman inside me rages at the self-imposed cage.

It’s a cage that is needed at the moment – as the bills still need to be paid – and it could be a while before I make enough money with my other ventures before I can chuck it in and finally be who I’ve wanted to be for so long. From a sexual point of view – without giving too much away (not that I haven’t already!) – I have been doing battle with the idea of striving for divine love (therefore – control over my ‘lower’ self) and settling for a mundane life.

To set the record straight – I love my husband dearly and we have been married for seven years in July. Like most couples though – everyday life does interfere with our ‘routine’ – and the passion has detoured down the road of ‘comfortableness’. I don’t like giving too much away – especially about the private side of my life – but I have always been fiery and passionate in my love life. I think this dream indicates that I wanted to keep the crazy side of myself in the bedroom.

When she came out and finally got a hold of me – she forced me to take on her personality. I was afraid of the power that my passion has over me – as well as how others see me and what my passion could do to them. I didn’t have time to confront my Shadow – she took me over and forced herself on me. I have to recognize that this side of myself never went away. She was hiding and slathering in the shadows of my bedroom!

Now – the prophetic ramifications! For the rest of that day – after the nightmare – I was privy to a variety of ‘crazy’ behavior. Several instances involving women ‘losing it’ occurred throughout the day. I saw a woman having an aggressive conversation with with another woman at the bus station. She was flailing her arms around wildly as she was so angry about something to do with a man. She had wild hair and kept pulling her top up and down. I wondered if she was drunk or on drugs.

At work – two women nearly got into an argument. One walked off in a huff. Later on – again at the bus stop – a self-confessed bi-polar woman told me a frightening story about her boss threatening to kill her and her children. It was a scary conversation – even though she was seemingly harmless – but I wondered how many more crazy women I was going to have to deal with!

SUMMARY: Apart from the wild day I had after the nightmare – I feel that I was sent a message – loud and clear. The Shadow demands to be recognized and integrated!


Dream Blogging – Sesame Tree

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I had this dream earlier in the week. I was at my mother’s place and I was going to cook Spaghetti, when some landscape gardeners showed up. It was dark outside and when I went out – one of them showed me three books. The one in the middle was an old, leather-bound notebook and I asked for it – as it was just like the others I have. He told me that it wasn’t blank – that someone had already written in it.

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Then I was at work and had planted some sesame seeds in a planter. I looked at the seed packet and it said that the seeds were for the soil as well as for eating. I looked at the plant and it had grown very tall and had black roots. There were a few ‘spears’ that looked like they had corn cobs on the tops. When I peeled back the husk on one of them – there was no corn, but sesame seeds in a gooey paste.

I pulled off a blob and ate it. It was delicious – and I started telling other people about it so they could also plant the seeds.

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THEMES: Family, sustenance, personal history, growth, opportunities, sharing wisdom

SYMBOLS: Food, books/journal, sesame seeds, black roots, plants

EMOTIONS: Concern, disappointment, excitement, wonder.

ARCHETYPES: Mother, Gardener

INTERPRETATION: I’ve been thinking of my family a lot – and cooking the spaghetti (a family favorite) represents my desire to re-connect and give sustenance. The gardener symbolizes a side of me that is ‘landscaping’ my life and growing things. Growth is a big theme here. Books represent knowledge, sharing ideas, wisdom – and the journal was already written in – meaning that there is already a history or a story that’s been told. I wanted the journal so that I could record things in it – but when the gardener told me it was already used – I was a little disappointed.

When you get older – you still have so much that you want to achieve – and I do feel like I’m just starting out (especially with my writing, etc.) The fact that the person who showed me the books was a gardener – indicates that growth can come from analyzing the past and what has gone on before.

Dreaming about work or the workplace – represents career and public life. Sesame seeds can be a symbol for wisdom and sustenance. The Buddha sustained himself on one sesame seed a day over seven days – when he sat under the Banyan tree – after achieving enlightenment. Seeds symbolize potential for growth, new beginnings and the germination of life and ideas.

The fact that it grew on a strange plant – other than how real sesame plants grow – with a stalk and corn cob at the top, shows different and unusual methods. Eating and sharing the knowledge/wisdom – indicates how I am willing to learn and grow – as well as share with others.

The rich, black roots symbolize a solid foundation – full of ‘rich’ ideas and things to draw from – but they could also indicate the darkness from my past. The word ‘soil’ was dominant on the seed packet. I think it was trying to tell me that I need to return the favor – as in re-planting the seeds to share with others – as well as enriching my experience and feeding off the rewards of my successes.

SUMMARY: I felt at peace when I woke up from this dream. I knew intrinsically that everything would work out fine – even though I still have a few areas that need tweaking. I was excited about the symbolism of the sesame seeds – as it confirmed what I know deep down inside – even though I do worry about failure. It will be interesting to see how the rest of 2015 pans out for me – as I gave myself until the end of this year to see how I go with my books and my business. This dream gave me some clues!


Dream Blogging – Over here, Over there

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I’m still playing catch up with posting my dreams – two more after this one and who knows what my subconscious will have on offer tonight?! I must say – I’m getting tired of the same themes – so I’m going to try to leave the repeats out (unless there’s something particularly interesting!) Repeating themes are just like recurring dreams – obviously thing’s I’m ignoring, not understanding or still dealing with.

So – old people and babies and everything in-between with this one. I started off in a swimming pool that seemed to be in a retirement home. There were old men and women – having a blast – swimming, chatting and playing with babies. I was in the pool – just wading at the shallow end (hmmm!) – and an old man called out to me. He was balancing a baby on his open palm and told me to take over. I tried to get to the baby but it was hard to catch up with. At one stage he was underwater, and I tried to get to him – but as soon as I got close – he was somewhere else.

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Then I got out of the pool and was looking for my towel – which was old and scruffy. I was going into bathrooms and shower recesses to look for it. Every time I thought I’d found it – it turned out to be someone else’s.

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I was also looking for my shoes and looked everywhere. I finally found them under a chair – old, black and ratty. I ws disappointed that I found them!

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Then I was with my son when he was little – and one of his friends. We were crossing the road to get to the train station – but we walked slowly and an old man in an old, white car stopped to let us cross. When we got to the train station – I wanted to feed them as it was going to be a long trip.

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The man at the concession store thought that I had stolen something – and said that the woman who had stolen from him had a white handbag like mine. When I handed it over to him – he searched through and found nothing – then apologized.

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Then I was in an old house and Angela Bassett (of all people) – was an older woman and living there. I was sitting on the floor trying to use a computer, but an old man came along and tried to make me look at porn. I pushed him with my right hand and he slid very fast across the floor – like I had the strength of ten men – and slammed into the kitchen cupboards.

Then I was some kind of Geologist and had traveled to an exotic lagoon – with another Actor – Scarlett Johansson. We walked across the deck of a boat (maybe a Catamaran) which had netting that stretched to the shore of the lagoon.

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As we stepped across the net I could see underneath – in some rock pools – strange slugs and sea creatures. I watched Ms Johansson walk off onto the beach and her hair was still blonde – but with black tips on the ends.

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THEMES: Old age and youth, responsibility, new endeavors, transformation, power, reputation, opportunities.

SYMBOLS: Swimming pool, towel, old shoes, white car, white purse, old house, porn, boat, lagoon, exotic creatures

EMOTIONS: Fear of failure, panic, concern for others, anger, aggression, excitement, wonder.

ARCHETYPES: Old people, children and baby, pervert, cashier, Explorer

INTERPRETATION: There is a lot going on in this dream and I will try to keep it brief – especially in regards to common themes. (I will discuss further in the Summary.) Communing with older people – as I have passed the 40 year mark (gulp!) Others trying to assist me – re: taking over the balancing act with the baby – which represents new endeavors – as well as a new side of myself.

Towels are used to dry us off when we’re wet – and water represents the subconscious and emotions. Probably indicates a need to stop using old methods to soothe past mistakes or leftover grief. This also ties in with looking for my shoes – then being disappointed when I found them. Shoes take us through life – and the old black shoes in this dream could symbolize old methods that I need to disregard – and find something new. (Definitely true with my promoting and marketing.)

Walking slowly across the road could indicate how I feel about the way I’m travelling. The old man slowed down for me – making way for the new? (As I was walking with two children.) Train stations also represent a portal to another life. The cashier blamed me for stealing something – but then apologized when he realized I was innocent. He could represent my Animus – feeling that I’m trying to grasp for something I don’t deserve? Being absolved of the crime – could symbolize the idea that I am doing the right thing and can keep going.

I often dream of white things – and the white handbag/purse could represent innocence or purity. Bags can be seen as the womb or even vagina. Being empty – hmmmm!

The old house with Angela Bassett – she was dressed totally in white – like she was back in the 1950’s. She could be symbolizing my mother – or the mature side of me – although she was just in the background. The old man trying to make me look at porn – could be the side of me that feels neglected. (Don’t we always want more than we have?) The force I used to push him away – didn’t take much. I know I’ve been like a battle-axe when it comes to my writing etc. (Again – themes of ignoring important aspects in my life.)

A tropical place – a lagoon – represents the idealized life or person that I want so desperately to become. Exploring new territory and finding wonderful sea creatures – symbolizes my desire for excitement and an authentic life. The sea creatures can also indicate the emotional breakthroughs I’ve made over the past few years (still more to come!) – and things in my subconscious I have yet to discover.

Seeing the blonde hair with black tips – could mean that I have come a long way – but there’s still a bit to deal with. Hair represents your public persona – and how you present to the world. Some say it also indicates an increase in status. We’ll see!

SUMMARY: Same themes re: balancing acts – especially in regards to my public persona, etc. There are some aspects that are currently being ignored – which I should pay attention to. (I know!!! But I’m busy!!!! *sigh*) I need to keep a look out for opportunities and find new methods. I also need to prioritize as I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants – most of the time. I have been a lot more forthright lately – sticking up for myself and not taking crap from others. I think – maybe sometimes – I need to keep my power in check. I can be a little aggressive – especially when it comes to issues with justice and fairness. Meditation time!


Dream Blogging – Kids and Cops

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(This dream was last weekend – been too busy until now.)

I was walking along a road – going to the store, when I saw a little girl – like a street urchin. She was dirty and very sad. I stopped to talk to her and she told me that she was starving and that her father was very cruel. She told me that he deliberately starved her and my heart broke. I took her with me to the store and we waited to be served for a long time. There was a man behind me who left his baby in the pram and walked off. The baby was covered in a blanket and I had to make sure he could breathe.

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There were several dogs in the shop, milling about – restless but not dangerous. When I got to the front of the line – desperate to purchase the food for the little starving girl – the women at the counter suddenly walked off for a break. I yelled at them – telling them that it wasn’t good customer service – but they ignored me.

Then I was driving down a road – very fast – following a truck. We went through a few red lights and I was worried about the police pulling me over.

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When I got further down the road, I stopped at the lights and saw two policemen – riding on tiny unicycles. They were so low to the ground – I wondered how they could catch anyone. Then I saw – through a fence – a training academy for the police – where a rookie was being trained on how to ride one of the small unicycles. He was starting off on a rock – which had a groove down the middle to balance the unicycle.

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Then I was inside the academy, alongside a police woman – who was trying to walk down a stairwell with ice skates on – but the blades were made out of rubber. She had a lot of difficulty going down the stairs – but I had no trouble (wearing the same kind of skates).

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THEMES: Starvation, poverty, neglect, anxiety, responsibility, recklessness, ability.

SYMBOLS: Dogs, blanket, cars/driving, red lights, unicycles, school/education, skates.

EMOTIONS: Anger, concern, compassion, reckless behavior, ridicule, competition.

ARCHETYPES: Fathers, children, dogs, police, shop attendants.

INTERPRETATION: The starving girl represented me – as I try to nurture and take care of that side of me that I feel has been neglected. I have – of late – been concerned with my health. However I’ve also been concerned with spreading myself too thin and not being available to others like I feel I should be.

Women – and men – often have issues with abandonment and I think this dream was dredging up some old issues in that vein. It’s funny how you think you’re over the old stuff and at times – they rear their ugly heads – forcing you to face the fact that you still need to deal with them. (Or at least – aspects of yourself that you still do battle with – in the subconscious areas of your mind.)

Dogs can represent the Self – and perhaps they indicated that they are waiting for me to recognize them – as they too were waiting in the line. The baby being covered by a blanket could either represent a project that I’m neglecting (I know of two that are niggling in the back of my mind!) – or an aspect of myself that I’m covering up or ignoring. Sometimes my impatience gets the better of me – so in respect to that – maybe the dream was telling me that it’s time to uncover the things I prefer to hide from.

Waiting in line could symbolize how I feel with my writing and my business – never feeling like I’m getting anywhere. Again – my impatience is an issue here – as I know that I’m taking steps to get to where I want to be. The women at the counter who turned away and ignored me could indicate either how I feel others view my efforts at getting my book and business noticed – or even how I am towards the important things in my life.

Racing down the road – speeding through the red lights (and following someone else doing the same thing) represents how I’m travelling through my life – at breakneck speed and feeling like there’s no end to the ‘chase’. Seeing the police on unicycles could symbolize how I view authority – which could be applied to my job (ha ha – true – but I’m not divulging here!) Especially as they were struggling and the fact that I was better at walking down stairs on rubber skates! I am at a phase in my life when I finally feel capable of doing anything – a first for me!

SUMMARY: At times I feel very capable and that I’m doing well with the balancing acts – in regards to working a full time job, writing, promoting etc. Other times – not so good – feeling insecure, vulnerable and incapable of pushing through. I do have moments where I feel bad about all the time I’m spending on my projects – and that there’s just not enough time to achieve all that I want to achieve. It would be nice to be a ‘lady of leisure’ and have all the time in the world to devote to all the things and people in my life – and it’s so difficult to prioritize and organize schedules, etc.

In order to ‘normalize’ myself and my life – I need to incorporate a workable schedule and start meditating again. That would help me put things in perspective and gain a better understanding of where I’m headed and what I want to do with the skills I have. I fear that I’ll never get to the point where I can say “I’ve made it!” But – made what? Will I shrivel up if I “make it”? Is the struggle the impetus I need in order to create? If I was a lady of leisure – would I have the urge to write – or would I rest on my laurels, watch tv and eat bon bons for the rest of my life? I hope not – but all I want to do is write!


Dream Blogging – Putting down the Ritz

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I had this dream early this morning. My husband and I were staying at a ritzy hotel near a beach. My father and my uncle came to visit us there and my uncle was a lot thinner – like he had been working out and dieting. He also had a new, much younger wife. My husband went down to the bar to meet them before me, and when I did head off, I came across two sets of stairs leading down. One was carpeted and the other was shiny marble. I chose to walk down the marble stairs, even though I knew it might be easier to slip. I just didn’t want to walk down what I thought was old, used carpet.

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As I walked down the stairs – I noticed that my pants were halfway down – revealing my butt – and I didn’t care! I was also wearing a blue and white striped tank top – with no bra. My attitude was – too bad, I can do what I want.

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Before we sat down at the table, I went over to talk to my uncle and put my hands on his chest. It wasn’t sexual at all – as I just couldn’t believe that it was the same man. His muscles were hard and he seemed a lot younger. He was worried about how much money we were spending, even though it seemed that he didn’t have any money problems himself. He saw my silver rings on my fingers and dragged me over to the window – so he could check out the quality of the rings. As he was appraising them, I kept telling him that they weren’t expensive and that my husband had bought them on the internet. He didn’t believe me and kept trying to figure out their worth.

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Then we sat down and I was the only one who ordered a drink – which was a martini. I needed a straw and my uncle had two straws on his plate. One was short and the other was tall. I took the tall one and drank my martini in one gulp. Then his young wife told me that she had put my uncle on a strict diet – but let him have a small amount of butter – rather than the slabs he used to pile on his food.

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Later on – I was walking back up the stairs when I saw a snooty baby with his mother, who was pushing a shopping cart which had a big, empty box in it. The baby was crawling around and when I tried to pick him up he became fussy and tried to avoid me. The mother then asked me to help her find a place to put the empty box, so I showed her a closet and she started trying to stuff it in the upper shelf. As she did this, I went to the baby and eventually persuaded him to let me pick him up. Then he stopped being so snooty and wanted to be carried somewhere.

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THEMES: Money, extravagance, public persona, weight/health, appearances, new ventures.

SYMBOLS: Stairs, resort hotel, alcohol, straws, pants down, rings, butter, box, closet

EMOTIONS: Pride, frugality, lack of concern, battle of wits, wanting to be natural

ARCHETYPES: Baby, Mother, Father, Uncle, Husband, Young woman

INTERPRETATION: I got the sense that my attitude during the dream was one of nonchalance – not caring what others thought of me. It could easily indicate how I’ve been feeling with my public persona and putting myself out there – trying to develop a thicker skin. The expensive resort and hotel (if representing the Mansion of the Soul) – could be how others’ see me and my current situation, in regards to becoming a published author, etc. (Especially my family.) It’s funny how people expect that as soon as you’re published – you’re rich!

That would explain my uncle worrying about my rings and how much they cost. Rings usually represent a bond between people, and one of them was my engagement ring. My husband was with me but wasn’t fussed about anything that happened. He’s usually a great support and is not the type to worry about my writing, promoting etc. It was the other males – particularly my uncle – who were overly concerned about how I was acting and how much I was spending. As my animus – my uncle probably denotes the masculine side to me that does worry – which would be true – as I have been concerned about how much it can cost when marketing and promoting my book and business. (I have been more careful lately – scaling back and finding cheap, free or unique ways of advertising.)

The fact that my uncle was thinner and even younger – could indicate how I’ve been more careful with my eating habits lately. Having a younger wife was a bit confusing – although she could represent the side of me that is concerned about the way I look. When she mentioned butter, it made me think of excess and luxury – and again – to be careful, not only with my fiances but also my health. (I have also been lamenting getting older lately!)

Choosing the marble stairs over the old carpeted stairs is pretty obvious. I didn’t want the safe option – or the comfortable, well worn path. I wanted the new, risky and glamorous path! It was ironic that even though I was using the ritzy stairs – my pants were halfway down – baring my butt – and I didn’t care. I am striving for a new way of life – but wanting to maintain my true self – warts and all! (Rest assured – I don’t have warts!) Going bra-less could also mean that I won’t be shackled by other’s expectations. The wild-woman side of me was saying, “I can have my cake and eat it too!”

Having the martini when no one else was drinking, shows how I can tend to be a little over the top – and maybe denotes how I am willing to step out and take a risk when others are being more careful. Reaching for the longer straw – rather than the shorter straw, shows how I don’t want to just settle for less anymore. However – the longer straw wouldn’t fit in my glass and I had difficulty drinking – but I did it. I remember thinking that the shorter straw would have been better – but my greed (and possibly – my ego) got the better of me. But after I sucked the drink up – I was happy that I had done so.

Going up the stairs to the mother and baby – shows that, in the end – I should not forget the important things in life when I “rise to the top”. The snooty baby symbolizes myself and my attitude with my new ventures – or – fear of being ignored or dismissed. I want to make sure that as I’m getting older – I’m still viable and worthy of attention. The mother kept distracting me by asking for my assistance with the empty box. Maybe she signified a side to me that worries about it all being for nothing? Trying to stash the empty box in a closet showed a possible concern over wasted effort. When the baby finally took to me and wanted to be taken somewhere – it showed how a new venture really wants to get off the ground.

SUMMARY: I need to remember balance when “putting myself out there.” Sometimes the well-worn path is the right one, but it doesn’t hurt to tread on new ground and see what happens – as new opportunities may arise. I need to stop worrying about how other’s perceive me – but at the same time – to be cautious in regards to how I present myself, in case it comes back to bite me. Baring my ass – is a pun – but is also literal. I can be authentic and natural – to a degree. Again – caution is a big message in this dream – however it doesn’t hurt for me to go 50-50. As in previous dreams, steady as she goes – but calculated risks are fine – as long as they’re calculated!


Dream Blogging – Buttons and Booze

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I had this dream last week. I was in a house with my grandson, and the time frame ranged from when he was little until he was a grown man – although he still looked like a little boy when he was grown. Throughout the course of him growing up, I was always coming downstairs and seeing him at the bottom with buttons in his hands. He collected them from me and other people – when a button popped off our clothes. He always had them in his hands and eventually he had carried them in a white bowl.

Every time I came down the stairs – a button would pop off and he would pick it up with glee and save it. Finally when he was a young man – still looking like a little boy – he came to me with a small house he had built out of buttons! He gave it to me and I was marveling at the intricate workmanship.

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Then I was at a bar and ordering many glasses of cider – one of them was filled to the brim. When I took the full one over to different people – trying to give it to them – they said “No thanks.” Eventually I went back to my table and realized that I would have to drink them.

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Then I was in some kind of space station – very futuristic – and I was a soldier, preparing to go out and fight a war. The dominant color in this part of the dream was sepia and variations of light brown and beige.

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When I went out to the war – it was a mix of desert and abandoned or ruined cities. A young woman met me there and told me that I had to go through the city to fight the enemy and complete the mission.

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Once there, I was walking through some dilapidated buildings – at ground level – when an angry Sergeant came up to me and started yelling in my face – but he was also seeming to be having fun – dropping back occasionally and watching for my reaction. I disregarded him, but every time I went to walk off – he came back and started yelling and mocking me.

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THEMES: Family, giving and receiving, growth, childhood, social persona, adversity, self-doubt.

SYMBOLS: Buttons, stairs, house, alcohol – full glass, pub, futuristic city, war.

EMOTIONS: Happiness, generosity, annoyance, difficulty, anger, ridicule, self-doubt.

ARCHETYPES: Young boy, Female soldier, Sergeant – Angry and annoying.

INTERPRETATION: The young boy/grandson was collecting buttons – coming from my clothes (as well as others’ clothes – although I didn’t see them) which symbolizes lessons taken from me and others. He was happy to have them – which makes me wonder if the buttons also symbolized characteristics he has inherited from me – including my sense of humor and delight in knowledge. Presenting as a young boy – even though he was supposed to be fully grown – could indicate that he hasn’t arrived there yet – but denotes how the things I teach and give him will help with his evolution.

When he gave me the little house he’d built – I felt that it symbolized the idea of giving and receiving, like knowledge and/or the circle of life and how the way you treat others comes back to you. He was showing me how the things I give him will be used in his life.

Being in a pub symbolizes a public arena – the social setting. Glasses being filled to the brim showed how I try to give everything away – or give too much – or even, how extravagant I am. (I always go overboard – for fear of doing too little and being considered stingy. Also – doing too much or even being greedy, but then – trying to share it with everybody.) When I tried to give the full glasses to people (friends and acquaintances) – they were smiling and polite – waving me away. Going back to the table with the full glasses could indicate how I feel with the promotion of my work and that no one seems to want what I have to offer.

This feels right to me – as I have been promoting and marketing my novel and my Numerology business – with little return. While everyone is happy to follow me, like my posts, give positive feedback etc – I feel like it’s “much ado about nothing.” Of course – this is just my subconscious throwing up imagery of how I feel sometimes – I understand on a conscious level that these things take time and that I should be grateful that people are being so supportive. I now understand that it was telling me to ease down (as I’ve mentioned before!) and hone my approach – so that I don’t become annoying or overdo it.

The futuristic war was the second part of my dream – and it was so strange that I feel it was quite a different scenario and message from my subconscious. It could indicate what will happen in the future – or how I feel about the future. The weird space station could symbolize the fact that I feel out of sorts with where I’m heading – uncertainty, etc. Being sent out to war could represent the way I view the world and the community I am associating with. Constantly trying to promote myself has become like a battle – trying to keep ahead of the game, seeing what other’s are doing and striving to do the best I can to be noticed and therefore – selling my wares.

Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me to be more aggressive – which isn’t really in my nature (unless it’s a physical attack against myself or my family!) The young female soldier was directing me to the abandoned city – like my younger self guiding me – telling me to go to a place that I might normally avoid. The fact that the city was abandoned might indicate that I am overlooking uncharted territory – that I need to focus more on what audience I’m trying to target – rather than ‘blowing in the wind’, or wasting my time spruiking to the wrong audience.

The angry and annoying Sergeant could represent my fear of being ridiculed, as I often feel embarrassed with the level of promotion I’m doing – or at least – the methods and avenues I’m choosing. As my animus – it could simply be my masculine side – once again – sniggering at me and my feeble attempts to get recognized and make a living from what I love doing.

SUMMARY: I have to be wary about what I’m teaching my grandsons and how I present to them and the world. I have to lead by example – and be grateful for the little things. I should not waste energy in futile attempts and projects that don’t advance my profile and become more savvy re: promoting and marketing my book and my business. I must not be duped – or dupe others. (Hence – the alcohol.) I need to hone my abilities and be smarter with my career and preparations for the future. Last – but not least – I have to stop listening to the inner, negative voice that keeps telling me that I’m wasting my time. I have to scale back, take stock, regroup, assess and review my methods in order to streamline an effective pathway to a happy future! (Maybe the Sergeant was doing me a favor!)


Dream Blogging – Gay Cheese Party!

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First – an explanation. This dream was not about homosexual cheese! There were lots of gay men and a lot of cheese. Even though you can never tell why your subconscious lumps certain things together – the main themes in the dream I had this morning related to gay men and cheese. (When I was searching freeimages.com – for images of cheese – I found myself saying, over and over, “That cheese isn’t gay enough!” I’ve never associated cheesiness with gayness – so it tickled my fancy!)

Also – I discovered that looking for good cheese is like looking for good porn. You want a variety – but at the same time – something specialized and unique. Your particular tastes dictate what you’re looking for, and for me – it wasn’t exactly cheese with a gay quality. It was more like – what is tasteful, yet encompasses all the varieties of cheese. Like porn, cheese can be sumptuous, creamy and exciting – or old, cheap and boring!

One more thing – I have a rampant love for gayness – and a demonic obsession with cheese, so please don’t think I’m making fun of the LGBT community! I grew up around gay people, shared houses with them and still have many gay friends to this day. I loved and love them very much – just like any other human in my spheres!

Now – on with the dream.

I arrived at a party hosted by gay men, who were older and very flamboyant; typically hilarious and dramatic. The setting had a lot of white frills, lace and kitschy items – with walls the color of burnt orange. The hosts were lounging on a white sofa, drinking and chatting. When I came over and sat on an ottoman in front of them, they all greeted me wearily. I asked if anything was wrong, and the main host – who was also wearing white – rolled his eyes (heavy with eyeliner) and said, “No one bothered to bring food. All we have is crackers and booze!”

I was excited – as I had two large bags with me – filled with a variety of cheese. I stood up and announced the fact that I had brought cheese. They were all very happy and followed me as I went to the table. I pulled out a beautiful brie, shiny swiss, heavenly blue veins (no pun intended!), creamy havarti, nutty gouda, sharp cheddar and a rindy camembert – to name a few. They all gathered excitedly around the table, with oohs and aahs – groans and giggles.

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As they started eating, I took off my coat – it was long and colorful. A few of the men turned to watch – telling me how gorgeous I was and that my new clothes were definitely an improvement. I looked like a 70’s space cadet! I was wearing white jeans, a powder-blue t-shirt – with a bright red emblem across the chest – and my hair was black with red streaks along the front. One of the men came over as I checked myself out in the mirror, and said to me, “Oooh – I love the black and red! So trendy!” I was very happy and excited to be noticed. Also – to be thought of as trendy!

THEMES: Party, generosity and sharing, celebration, appearances, validation.

SYMBOLS: Cheese, White decor, burnt orange walls, ottoman, kitsch, clothing, hair, makeup, large bags, crackers.

EMOTIONS: Camaraderie, happiness, acceptance, flattering, excitement, satisfaction.

ARCHETYPES: Men (variety and levels of gayness – such as flamboyant, straight-acting, dramatic etc.)

INTERPRETATION: For me – what stands out is the overall theme of making people happy and being appreciated. A party atmosphere shows engagement and ideas of being invited, accepted and having fun. The white decor hints at purity and a feeling of ‘back to the basics’. The frills and kitschy ornamentation denotes things such as bells and whistles – in regards to how I decorate my life and the things I’m doing in it – especially with promoting and marketing myself. I’ve always considered burnt orange as a throwback to the 70’s – as my mother used a lot of burnt orange, purple and lime green when I was a child. Maybe the dream was telling me to remember what it was like – being carefree and playful.

Men (the animus in a woman’s dream) – as gay men, represent my masculine side that’s not afraid of being considered different or flamboyant. There was a power to them – in terms of just being themselves – not caring about what people thought of them and doing what they pleased. I was completely comfortable in their presence and felt like I was one of them. I was so happy to bring them the cheeses and delighted in their excitement. Sitting on the ottoman – rather than on the couch with the others – seems like I was still feeling like an outsider, or perched – waiting for an invitation.

Cheese is an ancient food that symbolizes satisfaction, nourishment, decadence and wealth. With cheese – you don’t have to have anything else – as it is a luxurious item that can stand alone. Even though dried or fresh fruit, crackers, crusty bread, cured meats, deep, red wines or white wine can make a wonderful addition – cheese by itself represents a complete meal or snack. The fact that I had two bags of them is not a mystery to me – as I am known among my friends and family to be the bringer of cheeses, meats and other delicacies to any event – whether a party, watching a movie or chatting over good wine.

Wearing outrageous clothing represents my persona and how I present myself to the world – big themes for me lately. I’ve mentioned in previous dreams how – with the promoting and marketing of my book – I feel like I am becoming a crazy version of myself – as I am normally quiet and reserved in public or around people I don’t know. The black and red hair denotes an increase in status – being prepared to show a flamboyant side to myself, and not afraid to be different.

SUMMARY: Obviously – to join the party and not to be afraid of letting myself go and being myself. I have a lot to give and share – and should not be afraid to do so. I need to find and show my power and ability to be creative and individual. In doing so – others will flock to me – not because I am out there bleating about my products and services, but because I am offering something that has quality and is unique – like me! Yay!

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Dream Blogging – Patchwork of scenes

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This is a dream that I had last week but have been too busy to post. A lot happening in this one – one of those hodge-podge dreams that zig-zags here and there!

At first I was at Tina’s place (my son’s girlfriend’s mother – phew!) – back in Australia. We were in the kitchen and she was at the stove, preparing to cook. I was helping with the dishes but there were small things going on that were preventing me from completing the task. Just issues with organization. This was during the day, as we were both at the kitchen window and sunlight was pouring in.

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Then it was night and I was driving and speeding along a winding road. I noticed a police car behind me and I became paranoid, so I slowed down and kept it under the speed limit. I remember that when I was speeding – I was doing 50 in a 40 zone – so after I spotted the police, I dropped it back down to just under 40. Luckily – they were distracted by a speeding car at the bottom of the hill, so they took off after it.

Then I was in a shopping mall with my two grandchildren – Leon who is 4 years old and Noah as a toddler (even though he is only 5 months old). I saw a woman who I used to work with, doing a product presentation in the middle of the walkway. She had a crazy blonde hairdo that reminded me of the lead singer from the 80’s band – A Flock of Seagulls!

I took Leon and Noah to a cafe and went up to the counter to order our food. I ordered two burgers, a coffee and then tried to order some fish sandwiches for later – but the guy at the counter was rude and arguing with me over the extra sandwiches. I told him that it was none of his business, but then a nice guy came up and told him to go back to the kitchen.

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Then the nice guy took my order and was very professional and polite. I opened up my wallet and there was a lot of cash stacked in there. I was worried about other’s seeing it.

THEMES: Issues with organizing; worried about being caught. Public persona, interactions with others.

SYMBOLS: Dishes/housework/organizing. Driving, police, breaking the law. Hill top. Crazy hairdo. Food, money.

EMOTIONS: Annoyance, fear of authority and breaking the law. Wondering, confusion, being secretive.

ARCHETYPES: Stable woman, crazy woman, nasty man, nice man. Police, Children.

INTERPRETATION: A lot of oscillation between opposites – especially behaviors exhibited by my anima and animus. Tina – the stable woman – represents the persona that I fear others don’t see me as. Being in the kitchen (the ‘family’ room in the Mansion of the Soul) – shows how I operate in regards to my family. (Worry, feeling inadequate?) Even though I am always told how happy and ‘together’ I am – inner doubts about how I am perceived were represented by my inability to complete the tasks in the kitchen. This could also symbolize my regret over not being back in Australia – which I am working on – as my husband and I hope to relocate in a few years’ time.

Speeding on the top of the hill could represent how I feel I might appear to others – in regards to my promotional activities and public persona. I am constantly marketing and promoting on the internet – as I need to get my book and my Numerology business into gear. Going over the speed limit could indicate either my embarrassment or fear that other’s might see me as striving too hard to ‘get to the top’. I know that it’s my life – so it’s no one else’s business – however there is a side to me that worries over ‘rising above my rank’ or station! Maybe dropping speed showed that I might need to calm down, which is funny – as I have been telling myself to go easy and get back to what I love – which is writing!

Seeing the woman in the mall with the crazy hairdo could also be hinting at my public persona. At times, when on Twitter, Facebook etc – I feel like I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone and projecting a ‘crazy’ image of myself. It’s amazing how promoting yourself can feel like you’re entering an invisible circus – especially on the internet.

The rude man in the cafe could symbolize that side of myself that thinks I’m being ridiculous – like biting off more than I could chew, when I ordered the extra sandwiches. However – food symbolizes sustenance, and the fish in the sandwiches could symbolize spirituality. So it could be my inner, masculine self – telling me that I should just work and stop ‘fluffing’ about with the writing and numerology. Or it could represent the negative voice trying to sway me from striving for what inspires me: the authentic life.

The nice man resolved the situation and took my order – pretty much letting me know that it was all ok and I could have what I wanted! I was also worrying about Leon and Noah – so that could mean that I need to do all this for myself and my family – to have something solid and meaningful to pass on to them. (Also to show an example re: living the authentic life!)

Dreaming of money is often a wish fulfilling aspect of the dreamer. We all would love to have our wallets and purses overflowing with cash! The fact that I was worried that others would see, might indicate that I’m either afraid of success – or worried about having to share! I’m a very generous person – so the latter doesn’t seem that feasible to me – yet there is a side of me that is concerned about others taking what’s mine! Especially when the cost of promoting and marketing can be quite daunting!

SUMMARY: Mostly to do with my public persona and how I appear to others: particularly in regards to my writing and my business. I want to succeed – but I’m also afraid of succeeding – for fear of others seeing me in a different light. Overall – I think the dream was trying to tell me that in the end – everything will be ok – and that I still need to be mindful and scale it back, in order to remain authentic. Also – even though others might think I’m crazy – it’s what I think and how I feel that counts. What I leave behind as a legacy is all tied in with following my dreams – but keeping at least one foot on the ground!

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Dream Blogging – Pants down

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I had this dream last night. First – I was in the building across from my work, and I knew that I had to get back there, but something was holding me back. I remember feeling that I didn’t have to return to work – and even though there was a sense that I ought to return – the possibility of exploring the new building was overpowering.

Then I was in someone’s home and needed to pee. The house was a little messy or haphazard – with things everywhere – and the rooms were disjointed and confusing. I was finally told where the toilet was and when I entered the room – it was a combination of a bedroom and toilet. It belonged to a young man who was playing video games in the corner, close to the door. I was embarrassed to go in and do my business – but I had to go, so I went over and pulled my pants down, then sat down on the toilet and started peeing.

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I was worried that the young man would turn around and see me – but he didn’t seem to care. Then a door next to the toilet opened and a middle aged woman started coming in – but I tried to tell her that I wasn’t finished. She also didn’t seem to care – but I was embarrassed and wanted to finish so I could get out.

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THEMES: Exposure, being discovered, decisions, lack of privacy.

SYMBOLS: Work, toilet, half-naked, urination, games, small and strange rooms/house.

EMOTIONS: Desire to run away, indecisiveness, embarrassment, annoyance.

ARCHETYPES: Young man, Middle aged woman.

INTERPRETATION: In regards to the first scene, the idea of not wanting to go back to work is obvious. As I am trying to build a ‘career’ with my writing and Numerology business, I’m finding it increasingly annoying to have to keep going through the motions and working a 9-5 job, when all I want to do is be creative and focus on what I really enjoy doing. (Don’t we all?!) So, hiding in the building across the street from my workplace – trying to decide whether to go back or not – indicates the internal battle that rages inside me. I have to work to pay the bills – a steady job. It takes up most of my time, when I could be spending all my time on my writing and other interests.

Being in a strange house with strange rooms could represent how I feel with the promoting and marketing of my book. Trying to navigate my way around all the daunting elements of promoting my book and business is confusing, time consuming and sometimes frustrating. Trying to find a place to pee signifies the side of me that just wants to let go and be myself. Urinating also symbolizes getting rid of refuse. Not being able to find a suitable place to do so could represent my annoyance with trying to get things in order and be who I want to be.

We’ve all had the naked in public dreams, and they usually symbolize our fear of being ‘found out’ – or our true natures being discovered. Sitting on the toilet, as the young man showed absolutely no interest (aside from the fact that I was a stranger peeing in his room!) – might indicate how I feel about revealing my soul in public when no one seems to care. When the woman came in and also seemed uninterested in what I was doing – it didn’t alleviate my embarrassment with being caught with my pants down. I was annoyed that she didn’t listen to me, so it rang true for me – in regards to my book taking so long to get off the ground. (Three people have actually paid for it – at a measly $3.95 – and 69 others have downloaded it for free. I have one great review – from a stranger – with 5 stars. Every author understands how frustrating it is – especially when you’re self published!)

The young man could also be my animus – signifying the side of me who just wants to do what I want to do and not be bothered with anyone else! The fact that he was playing games symbolizes how I feel about all this. I sometimes feel that I’m just ‘playing’ and should get back to working a ‘normal’ job. The woman could represent my apparent flippancy regarding how I am putting myself out there.

SUMMARY: Pretty much summarizes how I feel about trying to forge ahead with my writing etc. I am revealing a hell of a lot about myself with the process of promoting and marketing – which is refreshing and frightening at the same time. I want to connect with people – especially my readers, and that means sharing myself. Maybe the dream was trying to tell me to be more discriminating about what and how I share. (Funny – as I’m here writing about my dreams and peeing!)

I feel – sometimes – that no one cares, but it’s not true. I have great feedback – mostly from strangers, although I’d like some people who are close to me to show more interest. Maybe it’s my subconscious expressing my fear of being irrelevant – baring my soul to an invisible or uncaring audience?