Hashing out my stories

Posts tagged “sexuality

The Ninth Window Book Trailer

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The Ninth Window

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My first review for my first erotic novel!

You can buy it here (if you’re so inclined!):

The Ninth Window by Kelly Proudfoot


Dream Blogging – Dead bodies and Dirty Water

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I was in a field with long grass where there was a patch mowed in a square. As I walked past, I looked in and saw several men – supposedly dead – lying along the edges. At first I thought they were just men’s clothes arranged as though men were inside them, but then I realized that they were men. They were wet and I assumed they had drowned before being placed in the square.

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Then I walked to the edge of the field and met up with a work colleague.  She was standing in a queue with other people who were going to a training session and I walked over to talk to her. She was laughing (as usual) and told me that she was trying to get away from a man who was trying to kiss her. She said that he had herpes and she didn’t want to catch it.

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Then she told me that her anal jewelry was bothering her! Later in the dream, I was thirsty and went over to a man who was serving water out of an old metal bucket (or a still). When I went up to him, he handed me a large jar – but I saw that there were a couple of dead insects and a spot of mold floating in it. I wouldn’t drink it, so I went over the road to a covered stand.

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There was an old woman selling her wares – but it looked more like a forgotten trash heap. I thought I saw a table loaded with old animal skulls – displayed in a pyramid fashion. But when I got closer, I realized that they were just knitted and crocheted baby booties.

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I told the woman that I was thirsty, so she pulled a cup of water out of her pocket. I was afraid that it was her urine, so again – I declined.

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THEMES: Death, issues with men, sexuality, disease, thirst, contamination, misinterpretation.

SYMBOLS: Death, grass, square, water, drowning, queue/line, training, sex, water, dirt/filth, skulls, crochet.

EMOTIONS: Confusion, concern, disgust, humor, thirst.

ARCHETYPES: Playful/sexual woman, dead men, peddlars, old woman, animal skulls.

INTERPRETATION: To see the animus (for a woman) – dead in a field – could represent dead sexuality. Fear of losing sexual power – although seeing my colleague happy and chatting about avoiding a man for fear of disease, could also indicate a lackadaisical attitude about avoiding sex. (Hmmm – not like me at all!)

What stumps me is the part about ‘anal jewelry’. This colleague is hilarious and we have a fun time together laughing at work – but I feel that she does represent me, and the ‘anal jewelry’ could symbolize abnormal sexuality. She was off-handed about the comment – so it could represent an element of myself that is glib or flippant about sex.

The fact that the men had possibly drowned (water = subconscious, emotions) – could indicate the men in my past that I’ve “laid out to dry” – or that I am ignoring my sexual side (or the sexual side of my husband.) Without giving too much away (we are very happy!) – we have been very busy of late, with our careers etc. Let’s leave it at that!

The fact that she was in a queue or line – waiting to go into training, could symbolize life still throwing lessons at me. I am very impatient – especially when it comes to my writing career – so maybe it represents the fact that I still have to keep learning and wait my turn.

The thing with the dirty water could have been affected by being thirsty for real. When I went to bed – I had brought a glass of water with me as I was particularly thirsty that night. When I woke up – I was still thirsty, so maybe my physical condition carried over to the dream state. In the dream – I couldn’t drink the nasty water – representing my thirst and lack of clean water to drink. If I was going to interpret it as a dream symbol – it could either tie in with my health (still working on it – eating healthy and all that boring crap!) – or even a “thirst” for sex, which is thwarted – self-inflicted.

The animal skulls (especially in the shape of a pyramid) – could indicate my desire to get back to my pagan side. This is something I’ve been thinking of lately, as I want to re-dedicate myself to the craft. The old lady – who had baby booties (white) – could symbolize my desire to get my business and writing career off the ground. (Babies represent new things, new ideas etc.) The idea of her having urine in her pocket doesn’t escape me. Sometimes I feel like I’m “regurgitating” or re-purposing things!

SUMMARY: I need to continue focusing on my health – and pay more attention to my sexual side. I must remember not to take my husband for granted. I need to think up more creative ways to promote and market my business and writing. I need to get my schedule worked out so I can incorporate my spiritual pursuits. (I’ve already started with clearing out and cleaning my office – to make way for a sacred space.) One step at a time!


Dream Blogging – Nightmare: Crazy Woman

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I had this nightmare on Wednesday morning (4/22/15). I wasn’t as scared during the dream as I was when I woke up – for some reason. My husband was up – getting ready for work – and I was too scared to scream out for him. Some strange things happened during the day – which makes me wonder if it was prophetic.

In the dream – I was in a house with some other people. I knew that there was a crazy woman in the bedroom and told the others not to let her out. I looked up the hallway and saw her raging and scrambling around in the bedroom. Then she came darting out of the room and down the hallway – coming for me. We tried to restrain her but she was so crazy – and was trying to suck people’s energy – through their mouths. It was like she had a fiery mouth, and she kept lunging at everyone’s faces.

For some reason, we took her to the pub (it was night time) – and we asked some of the men to help us stop the woman from attacking us. They couldn’t contain her – as she was weaving and running around them – continuing to lunge at people face first.

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Then we left the pub and walked down an alley way – with her following us. Her head turned into a blazing sun – still humanoid – but sending off flares, with her mouth wide open. She finally got to me and when her face got close to mine – I became the same as her – with a flaming head. I also wanted to run at people and suck their energy – even though I was horrified.

THEMES: Draining energy, sexuality, the Shadow unleashed, fear of hidden desires becoming known

SYMBOLS: Fire, vampirism, psychosis, danger

EMOTIONS: Fear, passion, desire to escape

ARCHETYPES: Crazy woman, the Shadow

INTERPRETATION: I see this nightmare from two angles – repressed sexual desire and the need for energy (or fear of others stealing my energy.) As the Shadow – the crazy woman represents the side of myself that wants to be wild, to be heard and accepted. I have a raging desire to be myself lately – and am finding it so difficult to maintain my daily persona – a repressed office worker, when the wild woman inside me rages at the self-imposed cage.

It’s a cage that is needed at the moment – as the bills still need to be paid – and it could be a while before I make enough money with my other ventures before I can chuck it in and finally be who I’ve wanted to be for so long. From a sexual point of view – without giving too much away (not that I haven’t already!) – I have been doing battle with the idea of striving for divine love (therefore – control over my ‘lower’ self) and settling for a mundane life.

To set the record straight – I love my husband dearly and we have been married for seven years in July. Like most couples though – everyday life does interfere with our ‘routine’ – and the passion has detoured down the road of ‘comfortableness’. I don’t like giving too much away – especially about the private side of my life – but I have always been fiery and passionate in my love life. I think this dream indicates that I wanted to keep the crazy side of myself in the bedroom.

When she came out and finally got a hold of me – she forced me to take on her personality. I was afraid of the power that my passion has over me – as well as how others see me and what my passion could do to them. I didn’t have time to confront my Shadow – she took me over and forced herself on me. I have to recognize that this side of myself never went away. She was hiding and slathering in the shadows of my bedroom!

Now – the prophetic ramifications! For the rest of that day – after the nightmare – I was privy to a variety of ‘crazy’ behavior. Several instances involving women ‘losing it’ occurred throughout the day. I saw a woman having an aggressive conversation with with another woman at the bus station. She was flailing her arms around wildly as she was so angry about something to do with a man. She had wild hair and kept pulling her top up and down. I wondered if she was drunk or on drugs.

At work – two women nearly got into an argument. One walked off in a huff. Later on – again at the bus stop – a self-confessed bi-polar woman told me a frightening story about her boss threatening to kill her and her children. It was a scary conversation – even though she was seemingly harmless – but I wondered how many more crazy women I was going to have to deal with!

SUMMARY: Apart from the wild day I had after the nightmare – I feel that I was sent a message – loud and clear. The Shadow demands to be recognized and integrated!