Existential Crisis in a Teacup
I haven’t posted for a while – on any of my blogs. I felt bad for it – but I felt worse for not writing my own stuff – being bogged down in freelance work. Then I felt bad for feeling bad – as I should be grateful that I had the opportunity to leave my full time job to be a writer. I am grateful – and my husband is a saint for encouraging me to do so. I couldn’t complain to him about my internal predicament. Getting the flu in between and going down for the count didn’t help any.
I then found myself plunging into a strange fog which I am still trying to fight my way out of. I became immersed in a spiraling whirlpool – doing my best to grasp onto whatever debris or beams of light that showed up here and there. They slipped out of my hands so quickly that I wondered if they existed at all. My dreams have been intense – and hopeful. When I get the chance I’ll post them on my Collective Unconscious blog.
I also veered away from my Shapeshifting blog – neglecting to chronicle my “progress” on healthy living. I’ve been sleeping a lot and doing my best to drag myself to the computer every day to complete my freelance writing wherever possible. One thing I know for sure is that – for the most part – this fog or “crisis” has to do with my impending 50th birthday in September. I am not happy about it – at all. It’s not so much the fact that I’m ageing – but rather that I’m losing time.
My identity has become a mist, or a vapor that has no form. All that I projected about who I thought I was and what I was doing has cleared to reveal the truth. There is nothing. I am nothing. Nothing matters. It’s all pretend. We keep on kicking along just to save face – to make ourselves feel that it’s all – somehow – worth it. Worth the struggle. One day we’ll get there. But where is that? And who says that it’s “somewhere” – the destination we’ve been working towards?
It seems to be a collective grudging towards the only definite element in life: death. I don’t even know what that is – or what it means. The ceasing to be. That sounds awful – and I’m sorry to be so down. Please don’t let it infect you. If anything – I’m writing this out to chronicle my dark patch. I see myself posting tweets etc about my novels – begging for people to buy my books, blah blah blah. It seems so pointless. The emptiness is swallowing me up – but I have to write about it. I have to “sublimate” it – in order to make sense of what is happening to me. Maybe it might help someone else out there – or maybe they can help me.
I stopped writing last night – due to plummeting further downwards. I could see that I wasn’t doing myself any good, even though I thought at the beginning that writing about my “malaise” would make me feel better. I went to bed – with the start of a panic attack looming on the horizon. I was breathing shallow and on the verge of tears that wouldn’t come. I got into bed and focused on my breathing – in a kind of forced meditation. After about half an hour I fell asleep.
When in the clutches of despair, it’s important to remember just to breathe. The only thing in the world that matters is breathing – at that point. I told myself that – if nothing else in the universe mattered – breathing was all I could do. The knowledge that everything would make sense – eventually – kept me going, even though the thoughts in the back of my mind kept bubbling to the surface from time to time. Thoughts such as: “what’s the point?” or “what then?” as well as “I’m just prolonging the obvious.”
I pushed them away and continued breathing. I dreamed about having different cars. First – a red one – which I parked seamlessly in a tight spot. Twice. I amazed myself. Then I had a blue convertible. It was under a dirty blanket and I had to tell a friend to keep her son from playing in it. Then I had a huge, thick branch of marijuana buds. Each bud was intricately wrapped in foil. I wanted to smoke it but people kept showing up so I had to stash it somewhere. Then I woke up.
There are a lot of symbols and related meanings which I will explore in my Collective Unconscious blog soon. The main messages I take from the dream include reserved energy, hiding depressive thoughts and the desire to lose myself. Today I’m getting myself in gear. I have decided to create a roster or weekly agenda for myself. I need order and direction – to pave my way out of this crisis. I’ll post an update later in the week.
I took some photos of myself last night – in an attempt to preserve whatever fading looks I think I might have before I hit 50. I used some photo editing and filters – but for the most part – it’s me. They make me laugh – now.
When I’m feeling like this – I have to remind myself that there are others in the world who are living wretched lives. They would do anything to have a fraction of what I have. Therefore – it seems that I have no right to complain or feel depressed. But what is that thought supposed to do – comfort me? Isn’t that wrong? Does pulling myself up by the bootstraps help them any? Do I owe it to the less fortunate to live a fulfilled life? Isn’t that rubbing their noses in my fortunate life?
What is humbling is the huge smiles on their faces – in the middle of a war zone or filthy, hopeless conditions. The fact that they can make the most of a horrible situation; that they can find the silver lining. Clean water or peace would mean the world to them. In my little corner of the world – I do have access to clean water, a peaceful home and food. I should be grateful. My own mind is the enemy.
Time to whip it into shape.
Dream Blogging – Meandering
I had these dreams last night, and seeing as all three “bled” into each other, I am going to interpret them as one dream. It started with me waking up to a knock on the door at about 2am (in the dream.) I was in a house that was a mix of my current home and the one I grew up in. When I answered the door, it was someone who was supposed to be some kind of a maintenance man – but his vehicle was also a food truck. He had brought his bain-marie to the front porch and had different dishes he wanted me to try. They food was all orange, like mashed sweet potato and grated carrot pie, etc.
As he served the food on a plate, I went into the kitchen and brought out a pie I wanted him to try.
As this was going on, my husband came home from work and was a little annoyed as he was wondering if I was having an affair. I explained what was going on but he still wasn’t convinced and started asking questions about the validity of someone bringing food in the early hours of the morning.
Then I was in a building (a work do?) and we (my husband and I) decided to leave and get food. We walked past a group of toddlers who were lined up to pee.
The front boy was peeing against the wall. We all thought it was adorable. When I got outside, I was in my office clothes but barefoot and didn’t care. We walked down the street and looked for a rerstaurant that had the food we liked. Then I had shoes on.
Robert and I continued walking down the street and were with other people (his parents?) and we went into a church.
It was massive – almost like a community center, and there were people in a waiting area, waiting to see the “organizer/planner” as well as waiting to go into church. I felt surly towards them for being gullible sheep – but kept my mouth shut. When I saw someone going into the office to see the planner, I noticed that the planner was attractive and wondered if that was why Robert had scheduled an appt with her.
I walked past the congregation as they listened to the minister, and went through a door on the left – as I needed to pee. I went into a bathroom where a lot of teenage girls were getting ready for sunday school and some of them were peeing.
There were open toilets in a row – white porcelain – some higher and larger than the others, as well as different types of toilets. When I went over to check them out – I decided not to pee as they were dirty. I went outside and started to go for a walk and went around a corner of a wall where the ground became like a cobblestone path – only the stones were huge and jutting out of the ground, some like rocks.
Then I was watching a woman who had also escaped the church session, and she was having difficulty walking over the cobblestones, so she took off her clogs/slippers.
She was walking through the garden singing a Stevie Nicks song and I thought that it was a new one as I hadn’t heard it before. I walked over to a small veggie patch in the center of the garden and started gathering zucchinis.
I was happy to get them before they grew too big and tasteless. I then realized that I’d better not pick too much as the people in the church might like them big and tasteless. I also saw cauliflower growing in sections – rather than a whole, circular cauli – but growing in flowerets.
There were other veggies – like large misshapen green peppers and when I looked around I saw that the rest of the garden was like a cold store of veggies, with lots of onions stacked up.
THEMES: Wandering, peeing, food, leaving the crowd, relationships, life path
SYMBOLS: Orange, food, vegetables, shoes/barefoot, urination, toilet, church, music, path, garden
EMOTIONS: Sharing, suspicion, wonder, annoyance, satisfaction, sustenance.
ARCHETYPES: Animus – husband, maintenance man, little boys, attractive woman, teenage girls.
INTERPRETATION: I have been focusing on my health and eating habits lately, so the veggies represent my idealizing of the healthy life. The man delivering food in the early hours is interesting (to me, at least!) If a male in a woman’s dream is her Animus (the representation of how she feels about men and how she interacts with them) – then the reciprocal nature of the interaction might show how I want to meet men on the same level, share experiences etc. This is how I operate in my marriage – as my husband and I have a good relationship where we take each other’s needs in consideration and treat each other fairly – regardless of attitudes towards gender roles, etc.
The fact that the man was offering orange colored food might indicate the sharing of energy (as orange represents energy or the life force) and the fact that I offered a pie in return, might show how I take the energy offered and make something new. My husband coming home and being suspicious could indicate an unconscious concern regarding my appreciation for him or even how I express myself in terms of my dealings with other men.
Seeing the children peeing against the wall brings to mind the pun, “pissing money up a wall.” I have been trying to be more careful with money lately (especially with my promoting and marketing of my novels and business.) The others waiting in line could symbolize how I’d love to share more with my son and grandsons – or perhaps – how much I have to give and feel like it’s taking too long? I mentioned to Robert that the children were adorable and he agreed, so it could represent my love for his boyish nature.
Walking down the street dressed in office clothes – but barefoot – could be showing how I travel through life being two people. The responsible professional – with the impetus being provided by my free nature or desire to be an individual. I am usually an honest, straight forward person – and people often tell me how it’s refreshing to see (especially in the workplace!)
Going into the church (which was like a combination of church and community center) indicates how I operate in a crowd and how I view and interact with others. I’m mostly agnostic – bordering on atheism – so my attitude towards the church-goers was based on that, but I feel that it was more like not wanting to be a part of the throng. It’s funny though – there was a sense of sadness, as a small part of me felt that I was missing out.
The attractive woman (organizer/planner) – was helping people get their act together in regards to spiritual and personal life. She could be symbolizing me and how I want to help people, however I was jealous of her and my husband having an appointment with her. I am usually a passionate person – but have become more complacent and easy-going as our relationship evolves.
Going into the bathroom and needing to pee, could have simply been dictated by my real life need to pee – as I awoke busting to go to the toilet. As a dream symbol, urination (especially in public) represents the need to offload negativity or unwanted refuse – as well as the way you “offload” in public. (I have been quite aggressive at work lately, due to feeling like I’m being used as a dog’s body!)
The fact that the toilets were dirty – and then deciding not to go – could symbolize my fear of absorbing other’s filth or negativity. (Or the fact that I couldn’t go – as I was busy dreaming!) The teenage girls might symbolize how I feel about younger people these days, or my attitude towards getting older and forgetting how it was to be young and carefree. (Trying so hard not to be a curmudgeon!)
The cobblestone path is obvious to me. It feels like the “rocky road” is not the road rising to meet me – rather, blocking my progress and showing the possibility for tripping up if I’m not careful. Also – obstacles in my path and issues I have to deal with in order to move ahead. The woman taking off her clogs represents how I need to be myself in order to traverse my life path successfully.
Hearing the Stevie Nicks song (apparently a new one I hadn’t heard) – could symbolize my desire for a new “soundtrack” to my life. For me – Stevie Nicks is spiritually aware – and I have been contemplating re-dedication to the pagan life. (maybe that’s what I’ve been missing lately – indicated by my sadness with not being part of the crowd at assembly.)
I have been using zucchinis a lot lately, so its appearance in my dream is obvious. Worrying about choosing only the smaller ones for better flavor could indicate my desire to ensure quality – not just with food. I was mindful to leave some behind – so they could grow some more – as the churchgoers might have liked it that way. This could symbolize my attitude towards religious people wanting blandness or mass appeal – or it could show that I’m taking the essence from a collective spiritual path? (I think that’s a bit of a stretch – but who knows?!)
Seeing the vegetables all stacked up gave me a lot of pleasure – which also indicates my happiness with eating healthier etc. The fact that there were a lot of white onions could symbolize purity – or that I need more onions – or less, as I use onions quite a lot in my diet. Maybe this was telling me to use less!
SUMMARY: I’m on the right path, but there’s more to push through – as long as I stay true to myself. It’s time to tune in to my spiritual side again – to complete the process of becoming whole. I must temper my attitude towards the “throng” and not be too judgmental. I must also take better care of my husband and pay more attention to his needs – balancing the give and take.
Dream Blogging – Falling Birds
This is a short dream I had recently, where I was walking down a city street and saw grey birds falling out of the sky. I saw two land in separate trees and something told me that there was an ecological disaster causing them to fall. When I went up to the first bird, it was limp and laying on a branch – but still moving a little. I picked it up and held it in my hands, wondering how to help it.
When I went to the second tree, I saw that the bird was a little more alert. I got close to it and it opened its beak – to reveal a tiny, grey, 3D printed cube inside its mouth.
I saw that the other bird also had one in its mouth and tried to carry them both into a building – to find a work colleague to help the birds. As I walked along, I worried that the birds would die, and when I got to my work colleague, he was blase about them and said they’d get better soon. I felt that he was brushing me off.
THEMES: Environmental calamity, illness, looking for answers.
SYMBOLS: Sky, grey birds, 3D cubes, beaks/mouths, trees.
EMOTIONS: Worry and concern, confusion.
ARCHETYPES: Birds, Animus – work colleague
INTERPRETATION: I get the feeling that – yet again – it was telling me about my physical state. I’ve been improving my diet and exercising of late, and also discovered that my Thyroid medication was too strong. Birds symbolize ideas and thoughts, as well as vehicles for escape and freedom. I feel that they also symbolized my “high hopes” for my books – falling out of the sky representing the lack of sales etc.
I have been disappointed with the progress/success of my writing and even told my husband that I felt like giving up. He told me that it was just a slump and to keep going – that one day, I would have success if I keep plugging at it. Also – the pleasure I get from writing and sharing ideas and stories is one of the main reasons I write.
The 3D cubes in their beaks/mouths is a mystery – although I could interpret them to mean concrete, or three dimensional ideas and solutions within the fallen or failing ideas. For example: the birds (ideas, my books etc) are not staying afloat due to the methods I’m using (and not using) to market and promote. The 3 D cube could symbolize the fact that there’s something solid there, but I have to find a solution.
Trying to get my work colleague to help could indicate my frustrations with the public and potential readers – not seeming to be interested in what I have to offer. In regards to the environment, it could represent how I feel about not wanting to jump through the hoops and produce what I feel are frivolous works – just to garner attention and sales.
It might also indicate how I’m feeling about my frustrations at work and my life in general – especially when I’m low or depressed – thinking that, no matter what I do, it’s an uphill battle with no reward.
SUMMARY: I feel that I need to analyze this dream more, but it does seem to symbolize my “malaise”. I’ve been half-hearted lately, in terms of my writing – so maybe this dream simply reflects those feelings, and indicates a need to be more scientific or well-rounded. Trees can symbolize the integrated Self (they were mostly barren) – so maybe it shows how I feel about myself and my life lately. The ideas and thoughts are there, but they can’t seem to get off the ground. I don’t know. I seem to be going around in circles!
Dream Blogging – A Room with a View
I was in a house where some teenagers (majority of them were African-American) were gossiping loudly in my mother’s room. When I went in, I saw a couple of them rifling through my mother’s jewelry box. They stopped gossiping and started to pray – pretending that that’s what they were doing the whole time. When I told them that I heard them gossiping – they denied it and said that they were just praying.
I looked at the jewelry box to see if they had taken anything – but I couldn’t tell. Then I went into my dark room and decided that I wanted to change rooms.
I went through the house and found a light and airy room – which was opened out to the driveway in a country setting. I didn’t mind that it was open – but I saw that the bed had a lot of dead insects where the pillows were supposed to be.
In the dream – I thought that I normally wouldn’t mind the insects, but I didn’t want that bed.
THEMES: Gossip, praying, lies, desire for change, dead bugs, light vs dark.
SYMBOLS: Jewelry box, dark vs light, bed, bugs, outdoors
EMOTIONS: Annoyance, suspicion, yearning for illumination
ARCHETYPES: Teenagers – African-American, Mother (not present)
INTERPRETATION: This is quite personal – suffice it to say that I have issues with my mother stemming from my childhood and the fact that she wasn’t present in person signifies her absence in my life. The gossiping teenagers – especially being African-American – symbolize the childish side of my mother (she is dark) and the fact that others are joining in on the gossip. When I questioned what they were doing, they lied and said that they were praying – which represents her trying to present herself as blameless and pure.
Worrying about what was taken from her jewelry box denotes a fear of the precious things about her – or the hidden treasures that I fear will be stolen from her, therefore me.
The desire to get out of my small, dark bedroom represents my yearning for escape from guilt, or repressed memories. In dreams, the bedroom usually symbolizes the sexual side of yourself – but I feel that it indicates my yearning for openness, freedom and a lighter or even illuminated life. With the new room being open to the elements – it shows how I want to open up into the world and step out of the darkness. (This also represents my public persona and desire to ‘meld’ with others and join the crowd – after having deliberately stayed in the shadows for so long.)
The dead bugs in the bed could represent old, little things that should be of no consequence now. Things like old arguments, bad memories and outdated or unnecessary elements in regards to how I cling to the past. The fact that I didn’t mind them so much – shows how I might still harbor resentments (which I do!) – or how those things still plague me. The fact that I decided I didn’t want that bed – due to the bugs – indicates that I finally want to move on.
SUMMARY: Time to bury the hatchet and move on. I must remember the good things and not dwell on the bad. It’s time to be more honest and open. I need to get “out there” and get amongst it.
Dream Blogging – Dead bodies and Dirty Water
I was in a field with long grass where there was a patch mowed in a square. As I walked past, I looked in and saw several men – supposedly dead – lying along the edges. At first I thought they were just men’s clothes arranged as though men were inside them, but then I realized that they were men. They were wet and I assumed they had drowned before being placed in the square.
Then I walked to the edge of the field and met up with a work colleague. She was standing in a queue with other people who were going to a training session and I walked over to talk to her. She was laughing (as usual) and told me that she was trying to get away from a man who was trying to kiss her. She said that he had herpes and she didn’t want to catch it.
Then she told me that her anal jewelry was bothering her! Later in the dream, I was thirsty and went over to a man who was serving water out of an old metal bucket (or a still). When I went up to him, he handed me a large jar – but I saw that there were a couple of dead insects and a spot of mold floating in it. I wouldn’t drink it, so I went over the road to a covered stand.
There was an old woman selling her wares – but it looked more like a forgotten trash heap. I thought I saw a table loaded with old animal skulls – displayed in a pyramid fashion. But when I got closer, I realized that they were just knitted and crocheted baby booties.
I told the woman that I was thirsty, so she pulled a cup of water out of her pocket. I was afraid that it was her urine, so again – I declined.
THEMES: Death, issues with men, sexuality, disease, thirst, contamination, misinterpretation.
SYMBOLS: Death, grass, square, water, drowning, queue/line, training, sex, water, dirt/filth, skulls, crochet.
EMOTIONS: Confusion, concern, disgust, humor, thirst.
ARCHETYPES: Playful/sexual woman, dead men, peddlars, old woman, animal skulls.
INTERPRETATION: To see the animus (for a woman) – dead in a field – could represent dead sexuality. Fear of losing sexual power – although seeing my colleague happy and chatting about avoiding a man for fear of disease, could also indicate a lackadaisical attitude about avoiding sex. (Hmmm – not like me at all!)
What stumps me is the part about ‘anal jewelry’. This colleague is hilarious and we have a fun time together laughing at work – but I feel that she does represent me, and the ‘anal jewelry’ could symbolize abnormal sexuality. She was off-handed about the comment – so it could represent an element of myself that is glib or flippant about sex.
The fact that the men had possibly drowned (water = subconscious, emotions) – could indicate the men in my past that I’ve “laid out to dry” – or that I am ignoring my sexual side (or the sexual side of my husband.) Without giving too much away (we are very happy!) – we have been very busy of late, with our careers etc. Let’s leave it at that!
The fact that she was in a queue or line – waiting to go into training, could symbolize life still throwing lessons at me. I am very impatient – especially when it comes to my writing career – so maybe it represents the fact that I still have to keep learning and wait my turn.
The thing with the dirty water could have been affected by being thirsty for real. When I went to bed – I had brought a glass of water with me as I was particularly thirsty that night. When I woke up – I was still thirsty, so maybe my physical condition carried over to the dream state. In the dream – I couldn’t drink the nasty water – representing my thirst and lack of clean water to drink. If I was going to interpret it as a dream symbol – it could either tie in with my health (still working on it – eating healthy and all that boring crap!) – or even a “thirst” for sex, which is thwarted – self-inflicted.
The animal skulls (especially in the shape of a pyramid) – could indicate my desire to get back to my pagan side. This is something I’ve been thinking of lately, as I want to re-dedicate myself to the craft. The old lady – who had baby booties (white) – could symbolize my desire to get my business and writing career off the ground. (Babies represent new things, new ideas etc.) The idea of her having urine in her pocket doesn’t escape me. Sometimes I feel like I’m “regurgitating” or re-purposing things!
SUMMARY: I need to continue focusing on my health – and pay more attention to my sexual side. I must remember not to take my husband for granted. I need to think up more creative ways to promote and market my business and writing. I need to get my schedule worked out so I can incorporate my spiritual pursuits. (I’ve already started with clearing out and cleaning my office – to make way for a sacred space.) One step at a time!
Dream Blogging – Swallowing Feathers
This is another hodge-podge dream. I had it last week and just now have time to post it – on Mother’s Day, no less!
At first – I was walking through an animal sanctuary – when I came across two lions that were quite pale and thin. I was worried about them but too scared to approach them.
Then I walked through a section where the birds were. I saw two birds on the ground behind a fence, who were swallowing feathers. One was able to manage at least seven – which were hanging out of it’s mouth as it tilted its head back and slowly swallowed them. The other bird could only manage two feathers and it stood watching the other bird. I sensed that it was upset that it could only manage two – while the other one handled a lot more with ease.
Then I was in a hotel with a work colleague and her parents. We were going to catch a plane to Canada, and as we walked out the door, I noticed that she had left her jacket behind.
She was grateful and grabbed it, but as we walked through the airport – I realized that I didn’t have my shoes on – only socks. There wasn’t enough time to go back so I had to continue on without shoes.
We discovered that we had missed our flight and had to wait for the next one. We went to a cafeteria and sat down to eat. I was annoyed that the only food available was fried food. There were huge platters of all kinds of fried food on the tables, but I wouldn’t eat. I sat and watched the others – quite disgusted.
Then I was sitting on the edge of a bathtub – peeing relentlessly. I was worried that someone would find out – but there was no toilet and I was busting to go. The whole bathtub filled up and I was still peeing. I frantically tried to get off the edge of the tub – as I wanted to find a toilet – but I tipped the tub and pee spilled all over the floor. I worried that the pee would flow out into the hallway.
THEMES: Illness, weakness, ingesting foreign objects, thwarted travel, flight, disgust, release.
SYMBOLS: Lions, birds, feathers, swallowing, jacket, shoes, socks, Canada, fried food, pee, bathtub.
EMOTIONS: Concern, wonder, forgetfulness, annoyance, disgust, embarrassment
ARCHETYPES: Lions, Birds, Colleagues, Parents
INTERPRETATION: The theme of concern over sick animals continues! The pale lions represent weakness and dissipating strength – which has been a niggling thing in the back of my mind lately. It could also indicate my concern over apparent lack of interest in regards to my books and numerology business – feeling like I’m having little or no impact and that I am ineffective in my pursuits.
The birds represent the side of me that feel grounded and unable to ‘fly’ – as they were on the ground – doing the opposite of what they are supposed to be doing, which is flying – not eating the things that help them fly. The fact that one bird handled at least seven feathers – while the other one had difficulty with just a few – could symbolize how I feel about my ventures and inability to succeed. Eating and swallowing feathers (which are a symbol of mobility, flight, lightness, adornment, magic, intuition) – could also represent my desire to achieve greater heights and hunger for elevation above the drudgery of everyday life. Alternatively – it could mean that I’m wasting too much time with the promoting and marketing.
Like the Ouroboros – the cycle of death and rebirth (eternity) – the birds were swallowing their own feathers. It could be indicating that I see others doing far better than me and I struggle with just a small level of ventures. This image still bothers me and I continue to try and interpret it.
Being in a hotel with a work colleague – and her parents – represents worrying too much about things that don’t matter. The shoes would have been more important than the jacket. The shoes protect your feet, and even though the jacket provides warmth – it’s more socially acceptable to be without a jacket. The jacket could symbolize my public persona – worrying more about image rather than my health, protection and how I travel in life.
Canada is a place that symbolizes a perfect society – to me, anyway! An idealistic place where people are a lot calmer and seemingly more intelligent and compassionate. In the dream, it could indicate my desire to escape to a place where I would fit in. Missing the plane symbolizes my fear of not ‘making it’. Having only fried food to eat, could represent my annoyance at having to settle for the cheap things that don’t do me any good – when I would prefer good food, therefore better sustenance and a higher level of success and a better life.
Peeing is release of negativity and purging. The fact that I had so much shows how I desire to let it all out, and that no matter how much I do release – it keeps coming. The fear of never being pure or achieving my goals – always needing to purge. The bathtub is a place where you should be cleaning yourself. It symbolizes an opportunity for washing away the dreck to become a new person. Filling it to the brim with more pee coming – then tipping it and flooding the bathroom (and possibly the hallway) – symbolizes my fear of showing my true self to the world. I want to get it out – but at the same time – am embarrassed to do so.
SUMMARY: I need to continue taking better care of myself and work to increase my stamina. I need to stop wasting my energies in areas that do not feed my goals. I feel that the time has come where I need to re-evaluate my ventures and change the way I operate – especially in regards to promoting and marketing. It’s getting to me lately – the fact that I have to work a full time job – which eats into my writing time. I know that we all have to do it – to pay the bills etc – but working a full time job and then coming home every night (and spending every weekend working on my ventures) is zapping my energy levels – leaving nothing left for family and friends.
All work and no play makes Kelly a dull bore!
Dream Blogging – Message from a UFO
This bizarre dream happened last Thursday. It seemed to be directed more at my husband – so I gave him a head’s up – as it pertains to his work.
We were lying in bed and I noticed bright lights outside. Then it seemed like our roof disappeared – or became transparent – as we looked up and saw clouds moving fast – with what looked like giant wheels coming down. The wheels were like old fashioned wheels with spokes.
Then two, long metal probes came out of the clouds – with glass orbs at the end of them. The probes were thin and they came so close to us that I was afraid they were going to poke our eyes out. The orbs started projecting an image in front of us – which was showing an email with information about my husbands’ work. (He is a QA Manager at a candy company and is often putting out spot fires – at all hours of the day – even when it’s not his shift.)
We were told telepathically that someone higher up would be mad about an issue at his work – but that he would resolve it and they would eventually apologize for blaming him.
THEMES: Message from the higher self, reassurance, panic, worry.
SYMBOLS: UFO, bright lights, wheels, probe, message.
EMOTIONS: Fear
ARCHETYPES: Alien
INTERPRETATION: I feel that this is a prophetic dream (we’ll see!) – even though my husband is always having to solve other people’s problems. He has been annoyed and worried of late, that his superiors don’t value him and continue to heap work onto him – even though he always does his work in a timely and professional manner.
UFO’s and aliens represent the higher self or spiritual assistance. Some say that UFO’s etc have replaced religion and that they are also symbols of higher powers. In this case – I feel that it could have been a message from ‘beyond’ – or even just our own psyche’s issuing a warning. Bright lights symbolize illumination – alerting us to the fact that all will be revealed.
Wheels turning in the sky – indicates a pun (wheels of the mind turning, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, momentum, things happening). Also – machinations of the powers that be. The probes and orbs trying to pierce our eyes simply indicate a message trying to penetrate our field of vision. The message showed that there would be something to deal with – but that all will turn out fine – in the end.
SUMMARY: This is an ongoing issue for my husband – so it would be nice to see that people finally start recognizing his worth and abilities.
Dream Blogging – Magic Man
In this dream – one of the ones I had during the week – there was a man who traveled over the ocean in a variety of magical ways. At first he was riding (or surfing) some red waves – like large, rolling ripples. During the trip – he summoned quite a variety of psychedelic/trippy objects to ride on. They included geometric objects – multi-colored – and he jumped from object to object as he “surfed”.
I was observing and following him – floating behind him. I was aware of his ability to change into a butterfly. (Although I never saw it – I could sense it in the sky – like a simulacrum that he could enter.)
Then we landed in a place that seemed to be a medieval fairground. We went to an old stone building – where a little girl spilled out of his mouth. She turned around and vomited maggots into an old commode.
THEMES: Abilities, talents, magic, transformation, purging, dealing with issues, moving on – making way for the new
SYMBOLS: Ocean, abstract images, butterfly, colors (esp red), old building, vomiting/purging, maggots, magic
EMOTIONS: Wonder, amazement, concern.
ARCHETYPES: Animus – man, child, butterfly.
INTERPRETATION: The Animus representing the masculine side of myself. He was able to stay above the surface of the ocean. Water represents the subconscious and emotions. The fact that he was riding a variety of crazy objects that were psychedelic in nature – indicates my creativity rising up and out of the subconscious. This is true – as my creativity has risen sharply over the last few months.
The butterfly symbolizes transformation and I feel that the whole dream represented this side of me and my life at the moment. I am transforming myself and finally becoming who I’ve always wanted to be. The butterfly was in the sky and it seems to me that it was letting me know that I can rise above the everyday “dreck” and assume the role I was meant to play.
The old building and the girl coming out of the man’s mouth shows how I can move on and stop obsessing about old hurts and issues. Vomiting the maggots also indicates the purge of old, bad memories. Maggots are horrible – I hate them – but they eat away the bad parts in order to grow and morph into flies, etc. This also symbolizes the need for transformation.
SUMMARY: I feel very good about this dream. It’s telling me that I’m on the right track and that I can become who I’ve been struggling to be. I’m about to release the sequel to my novel and will be interviewed on the radio on 5/5/15 (at Artists first). I am also adapting my novel into a screenplay and have many fingers in many pies. I feel vindicated and justified – even righteous!
Dream Blogging – Caring for the Totems
As noted in my recent blog about dreaming – the Self is often represented by animals and appears when some kind of order is being restored within ourselves. I had this dream early in the week and it featured three animals. The main theme is providing sustenance and care for the animals – therefore my Self.
I was walking through the bush (not really a forest) and the conditions were similar to a drought. The first animal I saw was an alligator – running down a dirt wall – or maybe the banks of a dry river. I wasn’t afraid but it was rushing at me and I felt like I needed to provide food and water for it – due to the drought. I walked on and saw a dry river – with only a muddy puddle and a little water.
Somehow I knew that there would be rain or water soon and that there was a lake filled with water somewhere close. As I tried to locate it, I saw the alligator going in the direction of the lake and felt somewhat relieved.
Then I saw a brown horse – a little thinner that it should have been. (In Chinese Astrology – my sign is the Horse – element: fire. This represents an impetuous nature – strong and capable – but sometimes willful and passionate. Definitely me!) I felt sorrow over it’s condition and called it over to me.
It came over and followed me to a field of wheat. I sat down and it lay its head in my lap as I fed it grasses and wheat. I was happy to feel the energy coming from the horse – as there was such a need for it to get well. (There was a lot of emotion at this point.)
Then I went on into a dense part of the bush – where it was almost a forest – and it was dark. I found a huge tree that was also like a tall row of cupboards (inside – it was hollow and dry). There was a cute little chipmunk on one of the shelves higher up and it scampered down to my hands.
It was so tiny and adorable and I felt a rush of love for it. When I looked around – I could see that it had been gathering food for itself – but still felt that I needed to take care of it.
THEMES: Taking care of the Self
SYMBOLS: Sustenance, nurturing, food, dry river, wheat, tree, drought
EMOTIONS: Love, devotion, compassion, concern
ARCHETYPES: Animals – alligator, horse, chipmunk
INTERPRETATION: As mentioned earlier – the theme was about healing and taking care of the Self. I have been concerned with my own health lately and have been eating whole foods and trying to stay away from junk, etc. (I have also started taking multi-vitamins and have noticed great improvement in my general health as well as some weight loss.)
First – the alligator as a totem can represent the mother or mothering nature within. The alligator can be ferocious and attacks with vigor – runs fast on land and is deadly in the water – stalking with great levels of stealth. When they take their prey, they tumble and twist under water – doing the death roll – in order to either stun or kill it. Then they stash their meal in an underwater larder.
The alligator guards the borders between water and land and can be both hostile and gentle. They represent primordial energies, survival, power and wisdom. The fact that I needed to find it water might show that my own habitat – and my body – need water. (It’s funny – we are having plumbing problems this week!) My energy levels have been getting better but I sense that this dream is telling me to step it up. The alligator going off to find the lake shows that I’m able to take care of myself and that I’m resourceful.)
The Horse – as mentioned – is my main totem and symbolizes power (in the dream it was somewhat depleted), impatience (very true for me!), transforming wounds into wisdom, sexuality, stamina and freedom. Horses live in groups – so it could indicate that I need to take care of the group/family as well as myself. (Trying the best I can!) The fact that I was feeding and nurturing it – then feeling its strength coming back – shows that again, I’m on the right track.
The chipmunk was probably a symbol of the child in me – taking care of itself (as I had to do when growing up) – but still needing attention. The chipmunk represents agility and mobility, youthful energy, scattered energies (true for me lately!), hoarding, organization. I feel that the chipmunk was letting me know that it was ok – but I felt that I still needed to keep an eye on it.
SUMMARY: Pretty self-explanatory – taking care of myself and others. The Self has been revealed and has advised that I need to continue living healthily – physically and spiritually. Restoration, organization, using my power wisely and living an authentic life are the key messages here.
Dream Blogging – Sesame Tree
I had this dream earlier in the week. I was at my mother’s place and I was going to cook Spaghetti, when some landscape gardeners showed up. It was dark outside and when I went out – one of them showed me three books. The one in the middle was an old, leather-bound notebook and I asked for it – as it was just like the others I have. He told me that it wasn’t blank – that someone had already written in it.
Then I was at work and had planted some sesame seeds in a planter. I looked at the seed packet and it said that the seeds were for the soil as well as for eating. I looked at the plant and it had grown very tall and had black roots. There were a few ‘spears’ that looked like they had corn cobs on the tops. When I peeled back the husk on one of them – there was no corn, but sesame seeds in a gooey paste.
I pulled off a blob and ate it. It was delicious – and I started telling other people about it so they could also plant the seeds.
THEMES: Family, sustenance, personal history, growth, opportunities, sharing wisdom
SYMBOLS: Food, books/journal, sesame seeds, black roots, plants
EMOTIONS: Concern, disappointment, excitement, wonder.
ARCHETYPES: Mother, Gardener
INTERPRETATION: I’ve been thinking of my family a lot – and cooking the spaghetti (a family favorite) represents my desire to re-connect and give sustenance. The gardener symbolizes a side of me that is ‘landscaping’ my life and growing things. Growth is a big theme here. Books represent knowledge, sharing ideas, wisdom – and the journal was already written in – meaning that there is already a history or a story that’s been told. I wanted the journal so that I could record things in it – but when the gardener told me it was already used – I was a little disappointed.
When you get older – you still have so much that you want to achieve – and I do feel like I’m just starting out (especially with my writing, etc.) The fact that the person who showed me the books was a gardener – indicates that growth can come from analyzing the past and what has gone on before.
Dreaming about work or the workplace – represents career and public life. Sesame seeds can be a symbol for wisdom and sustenance. The Buddha sustained himself on one sesame seed a day over seven days – when he sat under the Banyan tree – after achieving enlightenment. Seeds symbolize potential for growth, new beginnings and the germination of life and ideas.
The fact that it grew on a strange plant – other than how real sesame plants grow – with a stalk and corn cob at the top, shows different and unusual methods. Eating and sharing the knowledge/wisdom – indicates how I am willing to learn and grow – as well as share with others.
The rich, black roots symbolize a solid foundation – full of ‘rich’ ideas and things to draw from – but they could also indicate the darkness from my past. The word ‘soil’ was dominant on the seed packet. I think it was trying to tell me that I need to return the favor – as in re-planting the seeds to share with others – as well as enriching my experience and feeding off the rewards of my successes.
SUMMARY: I felt at peace when I woke up from this dream. I knew intrinsically that everything would work out fine – even though I still have a few areas that need tweaking. I was excited about the symbolism of the sesame seeds – as it confirmed what I know deep down inside – even though I do worry about failure. It will be interesting to see how the rest of 2015 pans out for me – as I gave myself until the end of this year to see how I go with my books and my business. This dream gave me some clues!
Dream Blogging – Over here, Over there
I’m still playing catch up with posting my dreams – two more after this one and who knows what my subconscious will have on offer tonight?! I must say – I’m getting tired of the same themes – so I’m going to try to leave the repeats out (unless there’s something particularly interesting!) Repeating themes are just like recurring dreams – obviously thing’s I’m ignoring, not understanding or still dealing with.
So – old people and babies and everything in-between with this one. I started off in a swimming pool that seemed to be in a retirement home. There were old men and women – having a blast – swimming, chatting and playing with babies. I was in the pool – just wading at the shallow end (hmmm!) – and an old man called out to me. He was balancing a baby on his open palm and told me to take over. I tried to get to the baby but it was hard to catch up with. At one stage he was underwater, and I tried to get to him – but as soon as I got close – he was somewhere else.
Then I got out of the pool and was looking for my towel – which was old and scruffy. I was going into bathrooms and shower recesses to look for it. Every time I thought I’d found it – it turned out to be someone else’s.
I was also looking for my shoes and looked everywhere. I finally found them under a chair – old, black and ratty. I ws disappointed that I found them!
Then I was with my son when he was little – and one of his friends. We were crossing the road to get to the train station – but we walked slowly and an old man in an old, white car stopped to let us cross. When we got to the train station – I wanted to feed them as it was going to be a long trip.
The man at the concession store thought that I had stolen something – and said that the woman who had stolen from him had a white handbag like mine. When I handed it over to him – he searched through and found nothing – then apologized.
Then I was in an old house and Angela Bassett (of all people) – was an older woman and living there. I was sitting on the floor trying to use a computer, but an old man came along and tried to make me look at porn. I pushed him with my right hand and he slid very fast across the floor – like I had the strength of ten men – and slammed into the kitchen cupboards.
Then I was some kind of Geologist and had traveled to an exotic lagoon – with another Actor – Scarlett Johansson. We walked across the deck of a boat (maybe a Catamaran) which had netting that stretched to the shore of the lagoon.
As we stepped across the net I could see underneath – in some rock pools – strange slugs and sea creatures. I watched Ms Johansson walk off onto the beach and her hair was still blonde – but with black tips on the ends.
THEMES: Old age and youth, responsibility, new endeavors, transformation, power, reputation, opportunities.
SYMBOLS: Swimming pool, towel, old shoes, white car, white purse, old house, porn, boat, lagoon, exotic creatures
EMOTIONS: Fear of failure, panic, concern for others, anger, aggression, excitement, wonder.
ARCHETYPES: Old people, children and baby, pervert, cashier, Explorer
INTERPRETATION: There is a lot going on in this dream and I will try to keep it brief – especially in regards to common themes. (I will discuss further in the Summary.) Communing with older people – as I have passed the 40 year mark (gulp!) Others trying to assist me – re: taking over the balancing act with the baby – which represents new endeavors – as well as a new side of myself.
Towels are used to dry us off when we’re wet – and water represents the subconscious and emotions. Probably indicates a need to stop using old methods to soothe past mistakes or leftover grief. This also ties in with looking for my shoes – then being disappointed when I found them. Shoes take us through life – and the old black shoes in this dream could symbolize old methods that I need to disregard – and find something new. (Definitely true with my promoting and marketing.)
Walking slowly across the road could indicate how I feel about the way I’m travelling. The old man slowed down for me – making way for the new? (As I was walking with two children.) Train stations also represent a portal to another life. The cashier blamed me for stealing something – but then apologized when he realized I was innocent. He could represent my Animus – feeling that I’m trying to grasp for something I don’t deserve? Being absolved of the crime – could symbolize the idea that I am doing the right thing and can keep going.
I often dream of white things – and the white handbag/purse could represent innocence or purity. Bags can be seen as the womb or even vagina. Being empty – hmmmm!
The old house with Angela Bassett – she was dressed totally in white – like she was back in the 1950’s. She could be symbolizing my mother – or the mature side of me – although she was just in the background. The old man trying to make me look at porn – could be the side of me that feels neglected. (Don’t we always want more than we have?) The force I used to push him away – didn’t take much. I know I’ve been like a battle-axe when it comes to my writing etc. (Again – themes of ignoring important aspects in my life.)
A tropical place – a lagoon – represents the idealized life or person that I want so desperately to become. Exploring new territory and finding wonderful sea creatures – symbolizes my desire for excitement and an authentic life. The sea creatures can also indicate the emotional breakthroughs I’ve made over the past few years (still more to come!) – and things in my subconscious I have yet to discover.
Seeing the blonde hair with black tips – could mean that I have come a long way – but there’s still a bit to deal with. Hair represents your public persona – and how you present to the world. Some say it also indicates an increase in status. We’ll see!
SUMMARY: Same themes re: balancing acts – especially in regards to my public persona, etc. There are some aspects that are currently being ignored – which I should pay attention to. (I know!!! But I’m busy!!!! *sigh*) I need to keep a look out for opportunities and find new methods. I also need to prioritize as I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants – most of the time. I have been a lot more forthright lately – sticking up for myself and not taking crap from others. I think – maybe sometimes – I need to keep my power in check. I can be a little aggressive – especially when it comes to issues with justice and fairness. Meditation time!
Dream Blogging – Kids and Cops
(This dream was last weekend – been too busy until now.)
I was walking along a road – going to the store, when I saw a little girl – like a street urchin. She was dirty and very sad. I stopped to talk to her and she told me that she was starving and that her father was very cruel. She told me that he deliberately starved her and my heart broke. I took her with me to the store and we waited to be served for a long time. There was a man behind me who left his baby in the pram and walked off. The baby was covered in a blanket and I had to make sure he could breathe.
There were several dogs in the shop, milling about – restless but not dangerous. When I got to the front of the line – desperate to purchase the food for the little starving girl – the women at the counter suddenly walked off for a break. I yelled at them – telling them that it wasn’t good customer service – but they ignored me.
Then I was driving down a road – very fast – following a truck. We went through a few red lights and I was worried about the police pulling me over.
When I got further down the road, I stopped at the lights and saw two policemen – riding on tiny unicycles. They were so low to the ground – I wondered how they could catch anyone. Then I saw – through a fence – a training academy for the police – where a rookie was being trained on how to ride one of the small unicycles. He was starting off on a rock – which had a groove down the middle to balance the unicycle.
Then I was inside the academy, alongside a police woman – who was trying to walk down a stairwell with ice skates on – but the blades were made out of rubber. She had a lot of difficulty going down the stairs – but I had no trouble (wearing the same kind of skates).
THEMES: Starvation, poverty, neglect, anxiety, responsibility, recklessness, ability.
SYMBOLS: Dogs, blanket, cars/driving, red lights, unicycles, school/education, skates.
EMOTIONS: Anger, concern, compassion, reckless behavior, ridicule, competition.
ARCHETYPES: Fathers, children, dogs, police, shop attendants.
INTERPRETATION: The starving girl represented me – as I try to nurture and take care of that side of me that I feel has been neglected. I have – of late – been concerned with my health. However I’ve also been concerned with spreading myself too thin and not being available to others like I feel I should be.
Women – and men – often have issues with abandonment and I think this dream was dredging up some old issues in that vein. It’s funny how you think you’re over the old stuff and at times – they rear their ugly heads – forcing you to face the fact that you still need to deal with them. (Or at least – aspects of yourself that you still do battle with – in the subconscious areas of your mind.)
Dogs can represent the Self – and perhaps they indicated that they are waiting for me to recognize them – as they too were waiting in the line. The baby being covered by a blanket could either represent a project that I’m neglecting (I know of two that are niggling in the back of my mind!) – or an aspect of myself that I’m covering up or ignoring. Sometimes my impatience gets the better of me – so in respect to that – maybe the dream was telling me that it’s time to uncover the things I prefer to hide from.
Waiting in line could symbolize how I feel with my writing and my business – never feeling like I’m getting anywhere. Again – my impatience is an issue here – as I know that I’m taking steps to get to where I want to be. The women at the counter who turned away and ignored me could indicate either how I feel others view my efforts at getting my book and business noticed – or even how I am towards the important things in my life.
Racing down the road – speeding through the red lights (and following someone else doing the same thing) represents how I’m travelling through my life – at breakneck speed and feeling like there’s no end to the ‘chase’. Seeing the police on unicycles could symbolize how I view authority – which could be applied to my job (ha ha – true – but I’m not divulging here!) Especially as they were struggling and the fact that I was better at walking down stairs on rubber skates! I am at a phase in my life when I finally feel capable of doing anything – a first for me!
SUMMARY: At times I feel very capable and that I’m doing well with the balancing acts – in regards to working a full time job, writing, promoting etc. Other times – not so good – feeling insecure, vulnerable and incapable of pushing through. I do have moments where I feel bad about all the time I’m spending on my projects – and that there’s just not enough time to achieve all that I want to achieve. It would be nice to be a ‘lady of leisure’ and have all the time in the world to devote to all the things and people in my life – and it’s so difficult to prioritize and organize schedules, etc.
In order to ‘normalize’ myself and my life – I need to incorporate a workable schedule and start meditating again. That would help me put things in perspective and gain a better understanding of where I’m headed and what I want to do with the skills I have. I fear that I’ll never get to the point where I can say “I’ve made it!” But – made what? Will I shrivel up if I “make it”? Is the struggle the impetus I need in order to create? If I was a lady of leisure – would I have the urge to write – or would I rest on my laurels, watch tv and eat bon bons for the rest of my life? I hope not – but all I want to do is write!
Notes on Dreaming
This is from a chapter I wrote a few years ago – for a book that has been shelved – called “The Lifescape”. I had planned to write a self-help book about life mapping – using a variety of techniques, such as self analysis, ritual, dream interpretation, shadow work etc. It was from a Jungian/Pagan perspective. I shelved it as other projects took precedence, but also – because my mind was oscillating between atheism and agnosticism. Trepidation took a hold of me so I essentially forgot it – deliberately. I might still go ahead with it – after I’m done writing the Storming Archives!
At any rate – I’ve decided to post it here, seeing as I’ve been blogging about my dreams. I hope they are of some value to whoever reads this. (I will continue the Dream Blogging – sometimes my dreams are too personal to post!)
In this chapter, we will discuss the importance of analyzing our dreams, including the usage of:
- Dream journals
- Dream incubation
- Lucid dreaming
- Symbolism
- Common themes
- Recurring dreams
- Nightmares
- The ‘Universal’ or ‘Great’ dreams
- Prophetic dreams
- Jung’s individuation process and basic archetypes related to it.
We will also explore how we can incorporate dream insights into our psychological analysis of ourselves.
Self analysis would be pointless (in my view) without the inclusion of dream interpretation. The subconscious world is the playing field where our daily events, relationships, memories, impressions, problems, personality issues etc are ‘played’ out – like a nightly performance. They afford us the opportunity to dissect, analyze and integrate the messages into our waking consciousness.
When our consciousness lapses into sleep, the subconscious mind takes over and dredges up all the things we have repressed, ignored or denied – to produce the dream. When we’re awake, it can filter through to produce visions. It’s also the realm that gives us the playground for daydreaming and creativity – offering us the forum and tools we need in order to explore and understand ourselves, others and the world around us.
How do we interpret them?
By interpreting the symbols, atmospheres, emotions and actions – even the time of day. (It’s been said that if the dream was in the morning – then it represents your early years. If midday – then it indicates now or your middle years. If the dream was in the evening or night time – then it denotes your later years.)
If you dream in color (some people don’t) – analyze the meaning of the colors – also shapes, numbers, etc. The list is endless. Dreams sometimes speak in puns – for example: seeing someone kicking a bucket could be death (which in turn, could represent the ending of old habits or way of life, transformation etc) – or it could just mean a bad tempered person! Another example would be a crumbled cookie – saying “that’s just the way things are” – regarding an issue that might be bothering you – basically saying “That’s the way the cookie crumbles”. Or it could just mean that you feel you don’t have enough to eat – with only crumbs available.
Our dreams can also speak to us in riddles – in contrast to blatantly direct messages. That’s why dreams can be so difficult (and sometimes annoying) when we’re attempting to interpret them – however – the process is also interesting, illuminating and definitely rewarding.
They can also show sides of ourselves as reflected through others, which is confusing when we try to place the blame or try to figure out who and what the dream was talking about. (Later in this chapter, we’ll explore this further – regarding the elements of the Shadow, the Anima/Animus and the Self.)
The most vital tool to interpreting your dreams is understanding universal or ‘classic’ symbolism – in contrast to your own personal symbolism. A monkey can represent a mischievous character to one person – and to another – it may symbolize a wise man or woman. A flower could mean beauty, growth, coming of age, sexual attractiveness, pregnancy and so on. It all depends on the dreamer and what’s going on in their lives.
It’s imperative to keep a dream journal – whether a notebook or a word document on your computer. (If you’re not much of an artist – you can cut and paste images to represent the symbols – which makes the process fun.) Alternatively – keep a tape recorder or note taker by your bed, so you don’t have to scramble around trying to find your pen and journal in the dark.
A handy tip – You can remember your dreams more easily when your eyes are shut. The theta waves are in play – just like when you’re dreaming.
Prophetic dreams
It’s somewhat difficult to interpret dreams as ‘prophetic’ – due to the many possibilities regarding the symbolic nature of them. People have had them – throughout history: like the man who dreamed that there was going to be a plane crash and tried to alert authorities – to no avail. A plane did crash, as per the details in his dream. But as plane crashes happen a lot –it’s hard to 100% apply it as prophetic. (Click on the image to link to the story.)
To dream of death – even dead bodies, pronouncements of death, headstones etc – does not necessarily mean that you or someone else is going to die. It usually represents endings, transformation and so on. It’s important to take into consideration other symbols surrounding it, such as the atmosphere, what the people were doing, saying, how they were dressed etc. Seeing dead bodies could signify issues such as illnesses in the body – disease, lethargy or certain aspects of the body changing. Sometimes we don’t see that a dream was prophetic until way after it occurs.
I had a dream once – where (to cut a long story short) I had a fly agaric toadstool in my pocket (the red ones with white specks on them.) The pocket was in a white jacket made of wolf’s fur. In front of me was a congregation of rabbits, who trembled every time I faced them. I tried to interpret it to the best of my ability at the time, but it wasn’t until later – a few months later – when I realized that it meant that I needed to be careful as to who I told about my being a witch, as some people were afraid of me afterwards. (Their projection – not mine, I assure you. I’m quite a pleasant person!)
There are also dreams that can alert us to the fact that we might have medical issues that we’re not aware of – or are about to manifest. For example: I had a dream that I was on the second floor of a house, where the lower floor was in flames. I tried to escape down a ladder, but it was also on fire. Not long afterwards, I had problems with a very painful hip, due to a joint problem. It felt as though it was on fire and I had to get x-rays and tests done, but they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. For two months I had to take anti inflammatory medication, until it went away by itself.
To dream of a house sometimes means you’re exploring the ‘Mansion of the soul’. Apparently the basement can represent your repressed memories or hidden self. The kitchen sometimes means your family memories or the nurturing side of yourself. The bedroom can represent your sexual side; the attic can signify what’s going on with your mental or spiritual attitudes; the lounge room can denote how you present to others or how you act in a crowd, and so on.
I’m not trying to dissuade you from interpreting your dreams as prophetic, but just be careful – as you may be, at times – deluding yourself to the point of being disappointed when they don’t come into being. (Especially if you dream about becoming wealthy!) Which leads me to:
Wish Fulfillment Dreams
Not all the wonderful dreams we have are wish fulfillment. For example: some sexual dreams do deal with our attitudes towards our own sexuality, our sexual history – or even the desire to ‘unite’ with someone, an idea or group of people, etc. Once again – it all depends on the dreamer and their circumstances. We often have dreams where we are having sex with a famous person we either secretly adore or never had any attraction to.
You don’t necessarily need to be single to have sexual dreams – therefore – it doesn’t automatically signify that you are sexually starved! (Even though sexual starvation does occur in some relationships.) For some sex addicts – to dream of having sex rarely occurs, but usually appears in some other format – such as packed trains, laundry baskets full of dirty underwear. Sometimes their dreams involve grossly abnormal sexuality or bizarre events – even animals (denoting base or animalistic desires.) But that can also occur for people who are celibate.
To dream of eating delicious food such as gourmet cooking, chocolate, cakes – or smorgasbords – can represent physical starvation – e.g. someone on a diet or financially challenged. It can also signify other issues – even sex. Once again it all depends on what else is going on in the dream and your life, your attitudes, etc.
Dreaming of finding a wad of cash or a wallet bursting with money usually appears when we don’t have any! Also, dreaming of being successful and powerful sometimes appears when we feel powerless and unimportant. The subconscious does try to make up for any shortcomings – which again makes the interpretation of dreams harder still. We need to be careful not to jump to conclusions and need to assess the dream from all possible angles.
Recurring dreams and common themes are usually an indication that we are not paying attention to ourselves and what’s going on in our lives. Of course, some common themes do continue occurring, as either it ‘worked’ before – when you paid heed or where your subconscious ‘knows’ what symbols to use to grab your attention.
Universal or Classic dreams
Having a good understanding of basic symbolism does help when interpreting your dreams, as well as a working knowledge of archetypes, which we’ll discuss soon. I’ll include here a brief list of ‘universal’ or ‘classic’ dreams, which we all seem to have at one time or another. Again – this is all dependent on the dreamer, the circumstances etc. But on average, the following can be applied for general purposes:
Flying – a desire to get away from difficulties; escape – desire for freedom. Some say flying represents an idealized view of your sexual capacity! Look at how you’re flying, where, the weather, your feelings – e.g. elated or fearful?
Falling – sometimes linked with flying, but usually an anxiety dream, indicating lack of support, feelings of insecurity, a need for structure, etc. Successful people often have this dream, for obvious reasons.
Nakedness – feeling exposed (where you might be worrying about others finding out your hidden side, etc), repressed sexuality, vulnerability, concern about social status, etc.
Loose teeth – falling out or being pulled can signify the desire to change your situation, feeling powerless, insecurities regarding your appearance, impotence, etc.
Snakes – can signify new perceptions and realities. Historically they meant psychic or sexual energy or deep seated fears; a “snake in the grass” to watch out for (as a pun).
Travel – depends on the vehicle. e.g. Airplanes could mean foreign concepts, or the same as flying. A train could signify how you ’travel’ in life alongside others and so on. Are you going left or right (wrong or right)? Are you driving, or is someone else – meaning who’s in charge of the vehicle (your life) etc.
Weather: Rain – water usually represents emotions, so being in the rain or seeing it could mean tears or emotional issues. Alternatively it could mean washing something clean or a welcome sign of rejuvenation.
Weather: Storms – struggles, personal disaster etc. Raging emotions, war of words, chaos – sometimes necessary to clear the path.
Weather: Tidal waves – I used to often have these dreams – it usually represents feeling overwhelmed by your emotions. It depends on what’s going on. For example: I used to dream that the wave was washing over me and I had no control, but once I resolved these issues (to a degree!) – I dreamt that the tidal wave came, then crashed – but by the time the water reached me I was sitting down calmly, letting the foam tickle my toes.
Being chased – this is a very common, universal dream, as we all have times in our lives where we are either running away from ourselves or the things that we think can hurt us. Who is the person chasing you – a monster, wild woman etc? Could it be an aspect of yourself? (To be discussed further in this chapter).
This is by no means an exhaustive list. There are plenty of good books about dreams out there – depending on your needs, e.g. you might want the mystical interpretations or folklore, rather than psychological, etc. Mythic themes are useful in the interpretation of dreams – but we still need to focus on how the symbols speak to us personally.
What if we ignore them?
If we ignore our dreams (especially if they are important) our subconscious may eventually create a nightmare, where there is more urgency and the symbols become more exaggerated and sometimes terrifying. Even though nightmares can be frightening, they do afford us the opportunity to dissect difficult things or situations in our lives, and help us realize that things aren’t as grim as we thought they were.
That knowledge helped me with the fear I used to feel in dreams. Now – even when I see a terrifying image – I’m more like a scientist, trying to figure it out whilst in the dream. (Lucid dreaming is covered further on in this chapter.) Facing our ‘demons’ is usually the reason the nightmare comes to us – if we’ve ignored the messages in previous dreams. We need to treat dreams like mini documentaries and take them seriously. Our subconscious is like a reporter on the edge, feeding back relevant information – the news!
An interesting exercise in discovering your personal symbology:
Symbols are everywhere – as encapsulations of all kinds of information, depending on how they are used and who is looking at them. Interpreting symbols – even whilst awake – is a great exercise in understanding your reactions to imagery. For example: you’re walking past a field and see some horses. Meditate on what they mean to you – e.g. strength, freedom, spirit?
If you see leaves falling from a tree – what does it invoke in you? Maybe the cycle of life, the autumn years, waste? If you witness an argument, can you read between the lines as to what’s really going on – or are they just having a spirited discussion? What does their body language tell you?
Or perhaps you see an abandoned car by the side of the road. Does it represent a discarded life, forgotten dreams, rubbish? Doing this exercise not only helps you hone your interpretation skills, it also trains your mind to analyze things from different perspectives. Believe me – it’s amazing how quickly this skill transfers to the actual dream and awakens the possibility for understanding as well as lucid dreaming.
Lucid Dreaming
This is where we actually become aware that we are dreaming, whilst in the dream. This is a level of consciousness that allows us to keep a foot in each world simultaneously, bridging the conscious and subconscious realms. In this state, we are able to delve deeper into our unconscious motivations and the psyche, and to work out issues (some of them serious). We are also able to explore the wonderful dream realm and are only limited by our imaginations!
The word lucid comes from the Latin ‘lux’ – meaning light – which is interesting, as it is about the concept of ‘shedding light’ on the subject. While this is a fascinating experience, it is by no means easy. Sometimes it happens randomly without any prompting from our conscious mind; other times – it needs to be planned and ‘activated’.
One way to activate the experience is to program yourself – before you go to sleep. A little later I’ll talk about incubating dreams. One of the methods is to tell yourself before you go to sleep, that you will be alert during the dream and that something – a symbol or action – will prompt you to snap to and recognize that you are dreaming – therefore taking control of it. Apparently lucid dreaming also reduces the frequency of nightmares, so it’s obviously a useful tool. It has been noted that children dream lucidly – more than adults – though the reasons why seem to be a little vague – such as sleeping patterns, etc.
Being more aware of your subconscious world, through analysis and dream interpretation is helpful – as well as meditation – which assists in helping you gain more control over your inner world. Again, programming yourself is useful – especially when coupled with hypnosis (or self hypnosis – which can be gained with such things as affirmations, meditation and creative visualization – even combining the two: pathworking.)
If you program yourself before you go to sleep – so that you will be alerted once an ‘unreal’ action or event occurs in the dream, it should prompt you to take note (hopefully!) If there’s a common theme in your dreams that could be considered as ‘unreal’ – a great exaggeration of reality or some other recurring symbol – program yourself to recognize it when dreaming, in order to trigger the process of lucidity. If you often dream of blue birds, stairs going this way and that or suddenly ‘teleporting’ to some other place (unusual or not) etc – then use them as ‘lucidity triggers’.
This doesn’t mean – by any stretch of the imagination – that you will be 100% successful. It takes a lot of practice and programming. Just make sure you continue recording and analyzing your dreams – maybe you’ll achieve and possibly even master lucid dreaming! (It’s funny how it becomes easier when you take the time to dissect them. It’s like your subconscious mind ‘knows’ it’s being watched!) I’ve met a few people who dream lucidly, all the time – so just keep at it. I assure you, it’s definitely worth the effort.
Be mindful that there will be times that the lucidity will slip through your fingers. It’s easy to get caught up in the dream world and forget that you’re dreaming. One way to trigger lucidity is to recognize – in the dream – that what’s going on wouldn’t happen in waking life. For example: people with apples for heads, or driving cars without your hands on the wheel, etc.
For some people, it helps to wake themselves up – with an alarm clock or some other method (like drinking too much liquid before going to bed, so you’ll wake up – hopefully – to go to the toilet). Then stay awake for a while, whether it’s 15 minutes or an hour. The reason for this is that it ‘disturbs’ the sleeping patterns and sometimes evokes lucidity. But be careful that you don’t disrupt your whole sleeping pattern. You don’t want to spend your days walking around like a zombie – or ending up an insomniac!
Another method is to try to retain consciousness whilst going to sleep. This is difficult to do but the theory is that you’ll stay alert for the entry into the dream state – therefore – be lucid and aware that you’re dreaming. I have tried this myself, but found for me – I might be aware for a few minutes and then forget that I am dreaming. Vigilance and perseverance is definitely a factor.
Dream Incubation
(This topic could’ve been included in Chapter 10: Ritual – but it’s relevant here and by no means is the only method for the incubation of dreams.)
One way – as discussed – is to program yourself before going to sleep – such as repeating a mantra, like “I will remember my dreams” or “I will be totally aware that I am dreaming”. The same could be done for a particular dream that deals with a certain issue. For example: “I will dream about a solution to…”
To start with, I find it useful to read a certain type of book before bed, or listen to a particular type of music, watch a movie etc, – that embodies the kind of issues and images I’d like to have in my dream. Also, talk about it during the day (to yourself or others) as though it’s an established fact – that you’re going to have a certain type of dream. A good way to achieve ‘programming’ of yourself is – of course – ritual. Ritual speaks to the subconscious, so it’s an excellent tool for dream incubation.
You don’t need to be a witch to conduct a ritual. We have little rituals in our life – every day. You might want to align yourself with a particular archetype or deity. Even if you’re Christian, you could ask Jesus to help guide you in the process. Other deities could be: Morpheus – the Greek god of dreams, Nanshe – Sumerian Goddess of prophecy (assists in interpretation of dreams), Chandra – Hindu moon god, Iduna – Scandinavian goddess of dreams and divination, or Bes – Egyptian god, whose likeness was carved on headboards to chase nightmares away. (It is said that if you draw a picture of him on your left hand and wrap it in a black cloth – that has been dedicated to Isis – he will bring you the dream you want.)
There are many other deities out there (or you can use an archetype – whatever makes you comfortable.) The correspondences you can use when conducting your ritual could be as follows:
DAY: Monday PLANET: Moon COLOR: White or silver DEITY: your choice GEM: Smoky Quartz, Moonstone, Celestite, Jade HERBS: Marigold, Honeysuckle, Sandalwood, Cinnamon, Elderflowers, Jasmine (you don’t have to use all of them – even one herb/plant will suffice.)
TOTEMS:
SWAN – helps interpret dream symbols
BAT – a messenger from the subconscious
DRAGON – guards the treasures of the subconscious realm
The above is just a guide – you might not want to incorporate ritual at all, and might be more comfortable just meditating. It’s up to you to choose the methods that you feel most comfortable with and then go from there.
Dream Incubation Ritual
If you like – draw a picture of the deity/archetype you’re going to use – as well as a power animal (or all three), if you like. Write out your question or statement regarding what kind of dream you want to have. Get a white or silver candle, consecrate it with sandalwood oil (again – depending on your preference) and prepare a cauldron or dish for your charcoal and incense – made from the herbs/plants – and set it on your altar (or bedside table – being careful with the flame of the candle and charcoal.) You can place the gems on your altar/bedside table or put them under your pillow (with the note, if you won’t be burning it in the ritual).
Light the candle, sprinkle some of the incense on the lit charcoal and call the quarters. Invoke the deities etc that you wish to have assist you in the ritual. Cast a protective circle and state the following:
“Hear me – Morpheus – God of dreams, I invoke Thee” (or whoever you’re using) “I seek your assistance tonight. Bring me a dream that answers this question” (either put the note in the cauldron to burn or put it under your pillow.) Also, you can change the wording to suit yourself. Then state:
“As this candle burns – the energies of dream incubation will be released. Thank you Morpheus” – or whoever your guide is. Then meditate on the flame – doing creative visualization incorporating the Swan, or Bat or Dragon (or all three!) – giving you the answers you desire. Mix it up to suit your purpose.
When you’re done, close the quarters and circle, go to bed and go over your question in symbolic format – e.g. if you want to know how to combat an emotional issue – see the issue as a tear falling down your face, and so on. Use your imagination – which speaks to your subconscious. When you awake, record your impressions. As I said before, you don’t have to conduct a ritual – it’s just that ritual is a great way of programming your subconscious will. If you prefer to just meditate, or put the gems under your pillow with the note, that’s perfectly fine. The important thing is – to set the tone for your desired outcome.
You might notice that the symbols in your dream seem totally nonsensical in regards to what you asked for, but don’t be discouraged. This is always the way the subconscious appears (at first.) Do analyze the dream and keep a look out for the next few nights – as the answer might not come straight away.
Now (finally!) we’re going to delve into the ‘meat’ of the topic – which is the discussion of the basic archetypes and the individuation process. I don’t want to go into depth regarding the psychological processes, as they are covered in the following chapter – Self analysis. (Not included in this post – sorry!)
Carl Jung regarded the individuation process as involving the developmental path that we all take during our lives, taking into consideration the fact that each of us are individuals with unique destinies. He stated that we have two personalities – the outward, ‘conscious’ personality and the hidden personality, contained in the ‘collective unconscious’. Under the conscious self is a well of repressed, ignored or forgotten feelings, memories and behavioral patterns – which he called the ‘personal unconscious’. Beneath that lies the ‘collective unconscious’ – a depository which is massive and encompasses all the behaviors and imagery that have been recorded right throughout history, since ancient times.
Jung believed that this collective unconscious – this depository of human memories etc – shows how history still has an incredible impact on us and our lives.
The Archetypal Stages of Individuation
1/ The Shadow: this is the archetype that embodies all the personal traits that we ignore, deny or repress. It usually represents itself as the same sex as the dreamer – or as a monster, etc. (Depending on the level of repression, etc.)
2/ The Anima/Animus: usually the archetype that represents the opposite sex to the dreamer (or the male/female aspects of the dreamer.)
3/ The Self: this is the archetype of the integrated persona – the ‘whole’ self, usually represented by a wise man or woman. (But it can take on other forms such as animals, inanimate objects – in nature and man made – or a variety of human forms.) In our dreams, we are often pulled back by our past and prompted by our future. These energies are sometimes personified – or objectified – by our archetypes. The individuation process is when we begin to integrate the whole of our consciousness into a singular being – rather than a fragmented being. Dreams are the individuation process reports – they tell us how we’re going in relation to our integration of various personas, etc.
The archetypes appear in our lives through the individuation process, which is determined by the type of person we are. This is why each path for each person is different.
The Shadow
Usually, the individuation process involves the second stage of life, according to Jung. He believed that we spend the first half of our lives building the personality, and when that’s accomplished (if not, then the process is difficult to say the least!) – then we can focus on going within.
During the first half of life, we learn how to live and how to deal with the world and the people in our lives. Our parents are the be all and end all – when we are young. They are the authorities and what they say goes (Usually!) We become who we are depending on their expectations and how they present themselves to us – often mimicking their behavior. We all enter into this world with a blueprint of who we can become. It needs to be able to adapt to all the different energies, experiences and people we encounter, in order for us to fulfill our destiny. We all have inherent skills, abilities and desires – which are sometimes denied, ignored or repressed in order to satisfy the expectations of others.
According to Jung, one or more personalities grow around these ignored or repressed desires etc – which become the Shadow. When we have new issues arise in our life and we don’t know how to deal with them, the Shadow figure appears in our dreams – which symbolizes the energies and so on – that we need in order to deal with them. Jung said that the Shadow appears when a new cycle is about to begin.
To start with, the Shadow appears as non-human, like a monster, zombie, etc. Later on they become fully human, the same sex as us – but still frightening. Later still, they become more of a nuisance – rather than a scary persona. We then look down at them and put up with their presence. Further on, they become acquaintances (although not important), then they evolve into friends, family members, or even partners. If we have integrated their traits into our persona, they will no longer appear in our dreams – as they have become a part of us.
If we continue to deny our true identity, the Shadow will pursue us in nightmares, which is why we need to stop and engage the Shadow, to find out what it wants. (This is why shadow figures appear in nightmares and dreams – because we have become too set in our ways or have forgotten our true path.) When we think that we are perfect – the Shadow figure contrasts this with the opposite persona – imperfect, dark, menacing etc. The shadow teaches us about how misguided we are about our desires.
When we repress ourselves sexually, a shadow figure appears who emulates all kinds of sexual ‘aberrations’. The more we deny the shadow, the more power we give it. After a while, it becomes too powerful for us to ignore. We either slip up and do things we’d rather forget – or project it onto others. (Especially those who aren’t as inhibited). If we acknowledge the shadow – we can evolve. If we repress it – we suffer it’s wrath. In order to understand the shadow, we need to see our projections and break them down.
If we don’t examine our hidden selves they build to monster proportions and break through to our conscious lives. If you come across someone in your dream who frightens you or if you fight with them – see the qualities in them that correlate to your personality and integrate them. The more the conflict – the more likely that you’re dealing with a shadow figure.
The Anima and Animus
The Anima is the males’ feminine aspect and the Animus is the masculine aspect of the female. It’s more difficult to integrate the Anima/Animus than the shadow. Intense emotional energies occur when we transform from the shadow to the Anima/Animus. (Once the Shadow qualities become integrated, the Anima/Animus issues appear – although I’ve found they can occur simultaneously.) The shadow appears to alert us to our hidden, ignored, forgotten or repressed desires and the Anima/Animus takes it from there. The world of the Anima/Animus is the testing ground for how we conduct ourselves in relationships (personal and with the world.) Our issues with our parents are also reflected in the workings of the Anima/Animus.
The Anima/Animus appears in our dreams in many formats. As god/goddess – such as Mars (embodying war, fortitude, etc) and Aphrodite (embodying beauty, love etc). They also appear as a variety of different archetypes – like the mother, father etc. They personify those particular qualities that we need when we are about to go through a transformation. The Anima/Animus shows us how misguided we can be about our emotions and relationships. In the shadow stage – we discover that the ‘monster’ is actually us. In the Anima/Animus stage – we discover that we are connected to everyone and everything. The Self teaches us that we need to discover our inherent nature – in order to be wholly integrated.
The Self
The Self is even harder to interpret than the Shadow or Anima/Animus. As an archetype – the Self encompasses many images and forms – which is what makes it so difficult to interpret. The Self is who we were destined to be; the supreme goal. It’s the divine aspect of ourselves. As we have an idealized view of ourselves (or who we should be), we usually use the archetype of the Self to measure other people against. When we stray from our true Self – a Shadow figure appears – but as we draw closer to our Self – the Shadow becomes less of a monster, etc and more like ourselves.
In dreams, the Self can be represented by an animal or even a tree, flower, river etc. Jung also believed that the Self could be symbolized by things such as mandalas and other forms.
These images often appear in our dreams when some kind of order is being restored within ourselves. If we don’t see the image, animal etc as an expression or symbol of ourselves – then integration will be difficult. When we dream about animals, usually depicted as aloof or disinterested, we need to realize that the Self has appeared to us.
Reptiles – especially snakes, are usually representative of the Self, as they appear when a new cycle is about to commence. They embody wisdom and powerful instincts. Apparently the most common representations of the Self as an animal are: snakes, horses, bulls, elephants, bears, black and white birds, fish – even turtles, spiders, snails & beetles!
The “Mana” personality: in dreams – is a being with magical powers and is evocative of the occult. Once the Anima/Animus is integrated, the Mana personality appears – sometimes before the Self does – and is considered a lesser representation of the Self. It forces us to question out true identity – to ask ourselves the question – “Who am I?” This is the part of the individuation process that is key – “How do I go from who I’ve become to who I’m supposed to be?”
We are ‘self actualized’ when our motivations are ‘pure’ and not colored by external expectations. Put another way, we can only truly be ourselves when we follow our own path rather than someone else’s – or their idea of what our path should be. Self actualized people are those who adhere to concepts such as truth, justice and beauty. They cope with life better than others, no matter how difficult the journey is. They truly ‘feel’ or experience the good and the bad in life. They are truly connected to their emotions, but once felt and expressed – are more able to move on, quicker than those not self actualized.
We can’t be our true selves without having confronted and dealt with who we are and what we want in life, without other people’s projections interfering. (Notwithstanding solicited advice, legitimate concerns etc.) According to Jung, there are strange side effects when the Self appears, such as emotional outbursts – that seem to happen for no good reason; or strange illnesses that seemingly appear out of nowhere. Other symptoms might include prophetic dreams – which come true and other ‘paranormal’ activity. This is the time when we need to guard against assuming we have become everyone’s ‘guru’ – especially towards those we think are less evolved.
This apparently occurs because of the archetypal energy released when the Self appears. We can counteract this distorted use of the energy by channeling it through a creative outlet. This is the process of sharing the collective unconscious with the world.
Final notes on dreams
We surely now understand why analyzing our dreams is important. When we take notice of our dreams they take notice of us noticing them! We form a ‘bond’ with the dream realm and it reacts accordingly. See how your dreams change once you actually start taking them seriously. When analyzing your symbols, use free word association and stream of consciousness methods – let your imagination run wild. This helps amplify the meaning, giving you every possible angle, so that you have a better chance of finding what makes the most sense to you.
Words are also symbols – check out their meanings in the dictionary, thesaurus and even world history – to see if you can shed any light on the subject. If your dream resembles a mythic story or fairy tale, research it to see if you can gain any more insights. I can not emphasize how important it is to record your dreams. Give them titles and dates so that you can access them easier. Use drawings if you can’t find the right words to describe them. You’ll discover that your dreams contain many wild adventures and opportunities for growth that will literally change your life.
Dream Blogging – Kevin Spicey
photo by Jurvetson (flickr)
Before I start – I’d like to advise that Mr Spacey is one of my favorite actors of all time – and this dream has absolutely nothing to do with the actor or his career. Males appear in a woman’s dream as an animus – either as a depiction of her relationship to them or as a masculine aspect of her own persona.
I had this dream this morning (my dreams usually happen in the morning!)
I was at some house that belonged to a crazy couple – who were both men and one was in drag. (Very bad drag, I might add.) They were standing next to each other and the “husband” had his arm around the “wife”. They were being silly and cracking jokes about couples – generally making fun of them by way of parody. Then one of them (I can’t remember who) went off to conduct his beauty regime – which consisted of a massive smear of cold cream across the face.
He kept saying how great the product was and that I had to tell Kevin Spacey – of all people. So I went to a very posh condo and went up the elevator to Mr Spacey’s room. He couldn’t come to the door, so he yelled out for me to wait. It didn’t take long for him to come to the door – completely naked – carrying a briefcase!
I gave him the message about the cold cream and he became wildly excited about it. He said “Let’s go!” and ran ahead of me, down a narrow, white staircase which lead directly to a large swimming pool (inside the building.) There was blue tiling everywhere and he jumped in – up to his knees – wading through to the other side. He continued raving about the cold cream as he made his way across the pool – waving the briefcase in the air as he went. He was ecstatic and shouting like a wild man.
I had made my way to the other side of the pool and was embarrassed seeing his “proverbials” flapping about – but he didn’t seem to care – as he was so joyous! Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and I yelled a warning to Mr Spacey. He immediately dove under water and pretended to be swimming. I was worried that the other man would see that he was naked.
THEMES: Fun, parody, couples, gender, promotion, being open and revealing, excitement, public persona, shame.
SYMBOLS: Cold cream, drag, nakedness, briefcase, pool, underwater, blue (tiles), luxury.
EMOTIONS: Humor, excitement, happiness, shame/embarrassment.
ARCHETYPES: Couples (husband and wife – parody), Man in drag, Famous public figure, naked man.
INTERPRETATION: I’m kind of at a loss to explain the parody of a couple – by two men, one in drag. A long time ago – I did believe that I would never get married and thought it was a load of horse-hockey! Now that I have a husband (we both waited until we were mature to marry – ha ha!) – I don’t see marriage as bogus and am very happy for that. The couple could be representing ‘partnership’ or it could simply be my subconscious reminding me how I used to think the idea was stupid.
The man smearing the cold cream across his face was still being silly when he did it – but he was sincere when he said that it was the best cold cream. It looked like someone had smacked him across the face with a thick wad (pardon the pun!) of white paint. White is a common color for me at the moment – even though white is technically not a color – but the absence of color. It symbolizes purity, or maybe a blank canvas – or even being ‘white-washed’. I would say that as it was across the face – it indicates the facade I’m putting out there in public. Maybe it’s my inner-self telling me that everything’s going to be okay with what I’m doing, having said – over and over – that it was great and that I had to tell someone (Mr Spacey) about it.
Mr Spacey represents the public – and how I’m trying to get people excited about my books and numerology business. (Which is funny – as a long time ago – I sent him a Numerological profile – when I had first started out and was so naive!) Being naked symbolizes baring your all in public – and the fact that he didn’t care, maybe showed how I should be. He was carrying a briefcase – which represents business – a receptacle holding your ‘work’. The fact that he was flailing it about wildly probably denotes how I feel sometimes, when it comes to marketing and promotion.
When the other man came along – it seemed like the ‘cop’ inside me – coming to see what was going on. When I turned and told Mr Spacey (therefore, my masculine self) about the other man, he dove underwater and pretended he was swimming. This has a lot to do with how I downplay what I’m doing with my book etc – when talking to others. I am a typical Aussie when it comes to downgrading my ego and making fun of myself. Maybe the dream was trying to show me how I make fun of myself – therefore belittling myself and what I’m trying to do in life.
The fact that he was first treading the water – and then underneath – also shows how usually I’m fine and above being emotional or too ‘precious’ about myself – until someone else is looking. Then I pretend that I’m just like everybody else, nothing special etc.
SUMMARY: I have to swallow the bitter pill of being too precious about myself and my ‘wares’. I have to stop playing down all my achievements and back it all up with a healthy dose of ambition and confidence. Low self esteem does tend to hold me back sometimes, so I need to keep doing what I’m doing, think of the bigger picture and stop trying to hide. I have to develop a thicker skin and just charge ahead. I can still be sensitive to other’s needs – but I have to remember my own needs as well. When it comes to my attitude to my marriage – it’s solid and we have a lot of fun together. I just think my past was flushed out to show how wrong I’d been. My husband is very supportive of me and I thank and love him deeply for it!
Dream Blogging – Prawns ‘n’ Roses
I had this dream this morning. I was watching a prawn emerge from it’s shell, on the beach and then it was like time-lapse photography. It slowly but surely baked in the sun – bubbling and becoming crisp – but not moving. Then it ‘de-cooked’ – again via reverse photography and started burrowing – head first into the sand, leaving it’s shell behind.
I then went over to play in the shallows of the ocean, and dove underwater. I saw some abandoned toy soldiers and reached out to grab them – at first quite excited to have found some treasures.
I noticed that they were faded and somehow were meant to stay in the water. I unearthed some toy tanks and again became excited, only to realize – once more – that they were abandoned and of no use to me.
I put them back with the soldiers and just lay there – underwater – looking at them, with no emotion.
Then I was walking down my old street where I used to live in Australia, and saw what used to be my house – with a lush garden and huge, white flowers growing along the side of the house. I wondered how they could have grown so big.
I went up to the front steps and was talking with my husband and my grandson – when I heard something in the front yard, around the corner of the patio. When I went down the steps to look, I saw a man in a small car, driving around haphazardly in the front yard. When I went up to talk to him – I thought at first that he was a policeman. We got into an argument about the legality of changing address too many times. He said that he had checked me out and found that I had moved too many times. When I took a good look at him, I realized that he was just a security guard. When I pointed this out – he giggled mischievously and drove off.
THEMES: Ageing, evolving/devolving, transformation, survival, old emotions, new beginnings, authority, defense.
SYMBOLS: Prawn/shrimp (sea creature), Shedding skin, giant flowers, ocean/underwater, army toys, car
EMOTIONS: Battle of wits, being dispassionate, melancholy, excitement, wonder.
ARCHETYPES: Husband, Grandson, Security guard.
INTERPRETATION: Seeing the prawn emerge from it’s shell represents shedding skin – becoming a new person. Sea creatures symbolize the depths of the ocean – water is emotion – so it could be the evolution of my emotional self. Seeing it cook symbolized ageing – and then seeing it with a second life expressed how I feel with getting older and trying to start a new phase. The fact that it burrowed under the sand represented how I have been feeling of late – that it’s all too much and I just want to hibernate. (I have been doing a lot of promoting and marketing for my book and business – and it’s starting to take its toll on me!)
Being in the shallows of the ocean symbolizes – possibly – a shallow disposition. This could represent feelings of guilt – in an emotional sense – regarding not spending enough time with my family. However – seeing the toy soldiers and tanks could mean that I don’t need to ‘wage war’ anymore – that the time for battle is over. The fact that they were underwater (emotions/subconscious) and that I unearthed them – excited at first – then realizing that I didn’t want them, showed that I have outgrown my need for combat or even anger.
Visiting my old house and seeing the large, white flowers could represent melancholy and feelings of regret. White represents purity – even death – and the fact that the flowers were white and huge could show deep seated feelings of forgotten or ignored elements regarding the family. It could even symbolize hope and new beginnings.
Being on the patio with my husband and grandson shows my relationship with men and the males in my family – and how I interact with them. The security guard may have represented myself – my animus – still trying to inject negativity or flush out more guilt – over having moved. (Especially overseas – away from my family.) Discovering that he was not a policeman, but a security guard – a giggling fool as well – shows how I needn’t take my self-loathing too seriously. Being negative without warrant can be corrosive – however I do recognize that I have to make peace with others.
SUMMARY: It’s time for me to accept getting older and making it a positive rather than a negative. I have the power to transform – and even though it’s a good idea to take a break and rest every now and then – it’s all worth it. I am entering a phase where I don’t feel so defensive and do not have the chaos in my life that I used to. I have learned not to attack or to be so negative – which is a blessing. I need to be excited about things that will help me grow – and disregard those things that drag me down – and interfere with my evolution.
Dream Blogging – Putting down the Ritz
I had this dream early this morning. My husband and I were staying at a ritzy hotel near a beach. My father and my uncle came to visit us there and my uncle was a lot thinner – like he had been working out and dieting. He also had a new, much younger wife. My husband went down to the bar to meet them before me, and when I did head off, I came across two sets of stairs leading down. One was carpeted and the other was shiny marble. I chose to walk down the marble stairs, even though I knew it might be easier to slip. I just didn’t want to walk down what I thought was old, used carpet.
As I walked down the stairs – I noticed that my pants were halfway down – revealing my butt – and I didn’t care! I was also wearing a blue and white striped tank top – with no bra. My attitude was – too bad, I can do what I want.
Before we sat down at the table, I went over to talk to my uncle and put my hands on his chest. It wasn’t sexual at all – as I just couldn’t believe that it was the same man. His muscles were hard and he seemed a lot younger. He was worried about how much money we were spending, even though it seemed that he didn’t have any money problems himself. He saw my silver rings on my fingers and dragged me over to the window – so he could check out the quality of the rings. As he was appraising them, I kept telling him that they weren’t expensive and that my husband had bought them on the internet. He didn’t believe me and kept trying to figure out their worth.
Then we sat down and I was the only one who ordered a drink – which was a martini. I needed a straw and my uncle had two straws on his plate. One was short and the other was tall. I took the tall one and drank my martini in one gulp. Then his young wife told me that she had put my uncle on a strict diet – but let him have a small amount of butter – rather than the slabs he used to pile on his food.
Later on – I was walking back up the stairs when I saw a snooty baby with his mother, who was pushing a shopping cart which had a big, empty box in it. The baby was crawling around and when I tried to pick him up he became fussy and tried to avoid me. The mother then asked me to help her find a place to put the empty box, so I showed her a closet and she started trying to stuff it in the upper shelf. As she did this, I went to the baby and eventually persuaded him to let me pick him up. Then he stopped being so snooty and wanted to be carried somewhere.
THEMES: Money, extravagance, public persona, weight/health, appearances, new ventures.
SYMBOLS: Stairs, resort hotel, alcohol, straws, pants down, rings, butter, box, closet
EMOTIONS: Pride, frugality, lack of concern, battle of wits, wanting to be natural
ARCHETYPES: Baby, Mother, Father, Uncle, Husband, Young woman
INTERPRETATION: I got the sense that my attitude during the dream was one of nonchalance – not caring what others thought of me. It could easily indicate how I’ve been feeling with my public persona and putting myself out there – trying to develop a thicker skin. The expensive resort and hotel (if representing the Mansion of the Soul) – could be how others’ see me and my current situation, in regards to becoming a published author, etc. (Especially my family.) It’s funny how people expect that as soon as you’re published – you’re rich!
That would explain my uncle worrying about my rings and how much they cost. Rings usually represent a bond between people, and one of them was my engagement ring. My husband was with me but wasn’t fussed about anything that happened. He’s usually a great support and is not the type to worry about my writing, promoting etc. It was the other males – particularly my uncle – who were overly concerned about how I was acting and how much I was spending. As my animus – my uncle probably denotes the masculine side to me that does worry – which would be true – as I have been concerned about how much it can cost when marketing and promoting my book and business. (I have been more careful lately – scaling back and finding cheap, free or unique ways of advertising.)
The fact that my uncle was thinner and even younger – could indicate how I’ve been more careful with my eating habits lately. Having a younger wife was a bit confusing – although she could represent the side of me that is concerned about the way I look. When she mentioned butter, it made me think of excess and luxury – and again – to be careful, not only with my fiances but also my health. (I have also been lamenting getting older lately!)
Choosing the marble stairs over the old carpeted stairs is pretty obvious. I didn’t want the safe option – or the comfortable, well worn path. I wanted the new, risky and glamorous path! It was ironic that even though I was using the ritzy stairs – my pants were halfway down – baring my butt – and I didn’t care. I am striving for a new way of life – but wanting to maintain my true self – warts and all! (Rest assured – I don’t have warts!) Going bra-less could also mean that I won’t be shackled by other’s expectations. The wild-woman side of me was saying, “I can have my cake and eat it too!”
Having the martini when no one else was drinking, shows how I can tend to be a little over the top – and maybe denotes how I am willing to step out and take a risk when others are being more careful. Reaching for the longer straw – rather than the shorter straw, shows how I don’t want to just settle for less anymore. However – the longer straw wouldn’t fit in my glass and I had difficulty drinking – but I did it. I remember thinking that the shorter straw would have been better – but my greed (and possibly – my ego) got the better of me. But after I sucked the drink up – I was happy that I had done so.
Going up the stairs to the mother and baby – shows that, in the end – I should not forget the important things in life when I “rise to the top”. The snooty baby symbolizes myself and my attitude with my new ventures – or – fear of being ignored or dismissed. I want to make sure that as I’m getting older – I’m still viable and worthy of attention. The mother kept distracting me by asking for my assistance with the empty box. Maybe she signified a side to me that worries about it all being for nothing? Trying to stash the empty box in a closet showed a possible concern over wasted effort. When the baby finally took to me and wanted to be taken somewhere – it showed how a new venture really wants to get off the ground.
SUMMARY: I need to remember balance when “putting myself out there.” Sometimes the well-worn path is the right one, but it doesn’t hurt to tread on new ground and see what happens – as new opportunities may arise. I need to stop worrying about how other’s perceive me – but at the same time – to be cautious in regards to how I present myself, in case it comes back to bite me. Baring my ass – is a pun – but is also literal. I can be authentic and natural – to a degree. Again – caution is a big message in this dream – however it doesn’t hurt for me to go 50-50. As in previous dreams, steady as she goes – but calculated risks are fine – as long as they’re calculated!
Dream Blogging – Buttons and Booze
I had this dream last week. I was in a house with my grandson, and the time frame ranged from when he was little until he was a grown man – although he still looked like a little boy when he was grown. Throughout the course of him growing up, I was always coming downstairs and seeing him at the bottom with buttons in his hands. He collected them from me and other people – when a button popped off our clothes. He always had them in his hands and eventually he had carried them in a white bowl.
Every time I came down the stairs – a button would pop off and he would pick it up with glee and save it. Finally when he was a young man – still looking like a little boy – he came to me with a small house he had built out of buttons! He gave it to me and I was marveling at the intricate workmanship.
Then I was at a bar and ordering many glasses of cider – one of them was filled to the brim. When I took the full one over to different people – trying to give it to them – they said “No thanks.” Eventually I went back to my table and realized that I would have to drink them.
Then I was in some kind of space station – very futuristic – and I was a soldier, preparing to go out and fight a war. The dominant color in this part of the dream was sepia and variations of light brown and beige.
When I went out to the war – it was a mix of desert and abandoned or ruined cities. A young woman met me there and told me that I had to go through the city to fight the enemy and complete the mission.
Once there, I was walking through some dilapidated buildings – at ground level – when an angry Sergeant came up to me and started yelling in my face – but he was also seeming to be having fun – dropping back occasionally and watching for my reaction. I disregarded him, but every time I went to walk off – he came back and started yelling and mocking me.
THEMES: Family, giving and receiving, growth, childhood, social persona, adversity, self-doubt.
SYMBOLS: Buttons, stairs, house, alcohol – full glass, pub, futuristic city, war.
EMOTIONS: Happiness, generosity, annoyance, difficulty, anger, ridicule, self-doubt.
ARCHETYPES: Young boy, Female soldier, Sergeant – Angry and annoying.
INTERPRETATION: The young boy/grandson was collecting buttons – coming from my clothes (as well as others’ clothes – although I didn’t see them) which symbolizes lessons taken from me and others. He was happy to have them – which makes me wonder if the buttons also symbolized characteristics he has inherited from me – including my sense of humor and delight in knowledge. Presenting as a young boy – even though he was supposed to be fully grown – could indicate that he hasn’t arrived there yet – but denotes how the things I teach and give him will help with his evolution.
When he gave me the little house he’d built – I felt that it symbolized the idea of giving and receiving, like knowledge and/or the circle of life and how the way you treat others comes back to you. He was showing me how the things I give him will be used in his life.
Being in a pub symbolizes a public arena – the social setting. Glasses being filled to the brim showed how I try to give everything away – or give too much – or even, how extravagant I am. (I always go overboard – for fear of doing too little and being considered stingy. Also – doing too much or even being greedy, but then – trying to share it with everybody.) When I tried to give the full glasses to people (friends and acquaintances) – they were smiling and polite – waving me away. Going back to the table with the full glasses could indicate how I feel with the promotion of my work and that no one seems to want what I have to offer.
This feels right to me – as I have been promoting and marketing my novel and my Numerology business – with little return. While everyone is happy to follow me, like my posts, give positive feedback etc – I feel like it’s “much ado about nothing.” Of course – this is just my subconscious throwing up imagery of how I feel sometimes – I understand on a conscious level that these things take time and that I should be grateful that people are being so supportive. I now understand that it was telling me to ease down (as I’ve mentioned before!) and hone my approach – so that I don’t become annoying or overdo it.
The futuristic war was the second part of my dream – and it was so strange that I feel it was quite a different scenario and message from my subconscious. It could indicate what will happen in the future – or how I feel about the future. The weird space station could symbolize the fact that I feel out of sorts with where I’m heading – uncertainty, etc. Being sent out to war could represent the way I view the world and the community I am associating with. Constantly trying to promote myself has become like a battle – trying to keep ahead of the game, seeing what other’s are doing and striving to do the best I can to be noticed and therefore – selling my wares.
Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me to be more aggressive – which isn’t really in my nature (unless it’s a physical attack against myself or my family!) The young female soldier was directing me to the abandoned city – like my younger self guiding me – telling me to go to a place that I might normally avoid. The fact that the city was abandoned might indicate that I am overlooking uncharted territory – that I need to focus more on what audience I’m trying to target – rather than ‘blowing in the wind’, or wasting my time spruiking to the wrong audience.
The angry and annoying Sergeant could represent my fear of being ridiculed, as I often feel embarrassed with the level of promotion I’m doing – or at least – the methods and avenues I’m choosing. As my animus – it could simply be my masculine side – once again – sniggering at me and my feeble attempts to get recognized and make a living from what I love doing.
SUMMARY: I have to be wary about what I’m teaching my grandsons and how I present to them and the world. I have to lead by example – and be grateful for the little things. I should not waste energy in futile attempts and projects that don’t advance my profile and become more savvy re: promoting and marketing my book and my business. I must not be duped – or dupe others. (Hence – the alcohol.) I need to hone my abilities and be smarter with my career and preparations for the future. Last – but not least – I have to stop listening to the inner, negative voice that keeps telling me that I’m wasting my time. I have to scale back, take stock, regroup, assess and review my methods in order to streamline an effective pathway to a happy future! (Maybe the Sergeant was doing me a favor!)
Dream Blogging – Gay Cheese Party!
First – an explanation. This dream was not about homosexual cheese! There were lots of gay men and a lot of cheese. Even though you can never tell why your subconscious lumps certain things together – the main themes in the dream I had this morning related to gay men and cheese. (When I was searching freeimages.com – for images of cheese – I found myself saying, over and over, “That cheese isn’t gay enough!” I’ve never associated cheesiness with gayness – so it tickled my fancy!)
Also – I discovered that looking for good cheese is like looking for good porn. You want a variety – but at the same time – something specialized and unique. Your particular tastes dictate what you’re looking for, and for me – it wasn’t exactly cheese with a gay quality. It was more like – what is tasteful, yet encompasses all the varieties of cheese. Like porn, cheese can be sumptuous, creamy and exciting – or old, cheap and boring!
One more thing – I have a rampant love for gayness – and a demonic obsession with cheese, so please don’t think I’m making fun of the LGBT community! I grew up around gay people, shared houses with them and still have many gay friends to this day. I loved and love them very much – just like any other human in my spheres!
Now – on with the dream.
I arrived at a party hosted by gay men, who were older and very flamboyant; typically hilarious and dramatic. The setting had a lot of white frills, lace and kitschy items – with walls the color of burnt orange. The hosts were lounging on a white sofa, drinking and chatting. When I came over and sat on an ottoman in front of them, they all greeted me wearily. I asked if anything was wrong, and the main host – who was also wearing white – rolled his eyes (heavy with eyeliner) and said, “No one bothered to bring food. All we have is crackers and booze!”
I was excited – as I had two large bags with me – filled with a variety of cheese. I stood up and announced the fact that I had brought cheese. They were all very happy and followed me as I went to the table. I pulled out a beautiful brie, shiny swiss, heavenly blue veins (no pun intended!), creamy havarti, nutty gouda, sharp cheddar and a rindy camembert – to name a few. They all gathered excitedly around the table, with oohs and aahs – groans and giggles.
As they started eating, I took off my coat – it was long and colorful. A few of the men turned to watch – telling me how gorgeous I was and that my new clothes were definitely an improvement. I looked like a 70’s space cadet! I was wearing white jeans, a powder-blue t-shirt – with a bright red emblem across the chest – and my hair was black with red streaks along the front. One of the men came over as I checked myself out in the mirror, and said to me, “Oooh – I love the black and red! So trendy!” I was very happy and excited to be noticed. Also – to be thought of as trendy!
THEMES: Party, generosity and sharing, celebration, appearances, validation.
SYMBOLS: Cheese, White decor, burnt orange walls, ottoman, kitsch, clothing, hair, makeup, large bags, crackers.
EMOTIONS: Camaraderie, happiness, acceptance, flattering, excitement, satisfaction.
ARCHETYPES: Men (variety and levels of gayness – such as flamboyant, straight-acting, dramatic etc.)
INTERPRETATION: For me – what stands out is the overall theme of making people happy and being appreciated. A party atmosphere shows engagement and ideas of being invited, accepted and having fun. The white decor hints at purity and a feeling of ‘back to the basics’. The frills and kitschy ornamentation denotes things such as bells and whistles – in regards to how I decorate my life and the things I’m doing in it – especially with promoting and marketing myself. I’ve always considered burnt orange as a throwback to the 70’s – as my mother used a lot of burnt orange, purple and lime green when I was a child. Maybe the dream was telling me to remember what it was like – being carefree and playful.
Men (the animus in a woman’s dream) – as gay men, represent my masculine side that’s not afraid of being considered different or flamboyant. There was a power to them – in terms of just being themselves – not caring about what people thought of them and doing what they pleased. I was completely comfortable in their presence and felt like I was one of them. I was so happy to bring them the cheeses and delighted in their excitement. Sitting on the ottoman – rather than on the couch with the others – seems like I was still feeling like an outsider, or perched – waiting for an invitation.
Cheese is an ancient food that symbolizes satisfaction, nourishment, decadence and wealth. With cheese – you don’t have to have anything else – as it is a luxurious item that can stand alone. Even though dried or fresh fruit, crackers, crusty bread, cured meats, deep, red wines or white wine can make a wonderful addition – cheese by itself represents a complete meal or snack. The fact that I had two bags of them is not a mystery to me – as I am known among my friends and family to be the bringer of cheeses, meats and other delicacies to any event – whether a party, watching a movie or chatting over good wine.
Wearing outrageous clothing represents my persona and how I present myself to the world – big themes for me lately. I’ve mentioned in previous dreams how – with the promoting and marketing of my book – I feel like I am becoming a crazy version of myself – as I am normally quiet and reserved in public or around people I don’t know. The black and red hair denotes an increase in status – being prepared to show a flamboyant side to myself, and not afraid to be different.
SUMMARY: Obviously – to join the party and not to be afraid of letting myself go and being myself. I have a lot to give and share – and should not be afraid to do so. I need to find and show my power and ability to be creative and individual. In doing so – others will flock to me – not because I am out there bleating about my products and services, but because I am offering something that has quality and is unique – like me! Yay!
Dream Blogging – Patchwork of scenes
This is a dream that I had last week but have been too busy to post. A lot happening in this one – one of those hodge-podge dreams that zig-zags here and there!
At first I was at Tina’s place (my son’s girlfriend’s mother – phew!) – back in Australia. We were in the kitchen and she was at the stove, preparing to cook. I was helping with the dishes but there were small things going on that were preventing me from completing the task. Just issues with organization. This was during the day, as we were both at the kitchen window and sunlight was pouring in.
Then it was night and I was driving and speeding along a winding road. I noticed a police car behind me and I became paranoid, so I slowed down and kept it under the speed limit. I remember that when I was speeding – I was doing 50 in a 40 zone – so after I spotted the police, I dropped it back down to just under 40. Luckily – they were distracted by a speeding car at the bottom of the hill, so they took off after it.
Then I was in a shopping mall with my two grandchildren – Leon who is 4 years old and Noah as a toddler (even though he is only 5 months old). I saw a woman who I used to work with, doing a product presentation in the middle of the walkway. She had a crazy blonde hairdo that reminded me of the lead singer from the 80’s band – A Flock of Seagulls!
I took Leon and Noah to a cafe and went up to the counter to order our food. I ordered two burgers, a coffee and then tried to order some fish sandwiches for later – but the guy at the counter was rude and arguing with me over the extra sandwiches. I told him that it was none of his business, but then a nice guy came up and told him to go back to the kitchen.
Then the nice guy took my order and was very professional and polite. I opened up my wallet and there was a lot of cash stacked in there. I was worried about other’s seeing it.
THEMES: Issues with organizing; worried about being caught. Public persona, interactions with others.
SYMBOLS: Dishes/housework/organizing. Driving, police, breaking the law. Hill top. Crazy hairdo. Food, money.
EMOTIONS: Annoyance, fear of authority and breaking the law. Wondering, confusion, being secretive.
ARCHETYPES: Stable woman, crazy woman, nasty man, nice man. Police, Children.
INTERPRETATION: A lot of oscillation between opposites – especially behaviors exhibited by my anima and animus. Tina – the stable woman – represents the persona that I fear others don’t see me as. Being in the kitchen (the ‘family’ room in the Mansion of the Soul) – shows how I operate in regards to my family. (Worry, feeling inadequate?) Even though I am always told how happy and ‘together’ I am – inner doubts about how I am perceived were represented by my inability to complete the tasks in the kitchen. This could also symbolize my regret over not being back in Australia – which I am working on – as my husband and I hope to relocate in a few years’ time.
Speeding on the top of the hill could represent how I feel I might appear to others – in regards to my promotional activities and public persona. I am constantly marketing and promoting on the internet – as I need to get my book and my Numerology business into gear. Going over the speed limit could indicate either my embarrassment or fear that other’s might see me as striving too hard to ‘get to the top’. I know that it’s my life – so it’s no one else’s business – however there is a side to me that worries over ‘rising above my rank’ or station! Maybe dropping speed showed that I might need to calm down, which is funny – as I have been telling myself to go easy and get back to what I love – which is writing!
Seeing the woman in the mall with the crazy hairdo could also be hinting at my public persona. At times, when on Twitter, Facebook etc – I feel like I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone and projecting a ‘crazy’ image of myself. It’s amazing how promoting yourself can feel like you’re entering an invisible circus – especially on the internet.
The rude man in the cafe could symbolize that side of myself that thinks I’m being ridiculous – like biting off more than I could chew, when I ordered the extra sandwiches. However – food symbolizes sustenance, and the fish in the sandwiches could symbolize spirituality. So it could be my inner, masculine self – telling me that I should just work and stop ‘fluffing’ about with the writing and numerology. Or it could represent the negative voice trying to sway me from striving for what inspires me: the authentic life.
The nice man resolved the situation and took my order – pretty much letting me know that it was all ok and I could have what I wanted! I was also worrying about Leon and Noah – so that could mean that I need to do all this for myself and my family – to have something solid and meaningful to pass on to them. (Also to show an example re: living the authentic life!)
Dreaming of money is often a wish fulfilling aspect of the dreamer. We all would love to have our wallets and purses overflowing with cash! The fact that I was worried that others would see, might indicate that I’m either afraid of success – or worried about having to share! I’m a very generous person – so the latter doesn’t seem that feasible to me – yet there is a side of me that is concerned about others taking what’s mine! Especially when the cost of promoting and marketing can be quite daunting!
SUMMARY: Mostly to do with my public persona and how I appear to others: particularly in regards to my writing and my business. I want to succeed – but I’m also afraid of succeeding – for fear of others seeing me in a different light. Overall – I think the dream was trying to tell me that in the end – everything will be ok – and that I still need to be mindful and scale it back, in order to remain authentic. Also – even though others might think I’m crazy – it’s what I think and how I feel that counts. What I leave behind as a legacy is all tied in with following my dreams – but keeping at least one foot on the ground!
Dream Blogging – Pants down
I had this dream last night. First – I was in the building across from my work, and I knew that I had to get back there, but something was holding me back. I remember feeling that I didn’t have to return to work – and even though there was a sense that I ought to return – the possibility of exploring the new building was overpowering.
Then I was in someone’s home and needed to pee. The house was a little messy or haphazard – with things everywhere – and the rooms were disjointed and confusing. I was finally told where the toilet was and when I entered the room – it was a combination of a bedroom and toilet. It belonged to a young man who was playing video games in the corner, close to the door. I was embarrassed to go in and do my business – but I had to go, so I went over and pulled my pants down, then sat down on the toilet and started peeing.
I was worried that the young man would turn around and see me – but he didn’t seem to care. Then a door next to the toilet opened and a middle aged woman started coming in – but I tried to tell her that I wasn’t finished. She also didn’t seem to care – but I was embarrassed and wanted to finish so I could get out.
THEMES: Exposure, being discovered, decisions, lack of privacy.
SYMBOLS: Work, toilet, half-naked, urination, games, small and strange rooms/house.
EMOTIONS: Desire to run away, indecisiveness, embarrassment, annoyance.
ARCHETYPES: Young man, Middle aged woman.
INTERPRETATION: In regards to the first scene, the idea of not wanting to go back to work is obvious. As I am trying to build a ‘career’ with my writing and Numerology business, I’m finding it increasingly annoying to have to keep going through the motions and working a 9-5 job, when all I want to do is be creative and focus on what I really enjoy doing. (Don’t we all?!) So, hiding in the building across the street from my workplace – trying to decide whether to go back or not – indicates the internal battle that rages inside me. I have to work to pay the bills – a steady job. It takes up most of my time, when I could be spending all my time on my writing and other interests.
Being in a strange house with strange rooms could represent how I feel with the promoting and marketing of my book. Trying to navigate my way around all the daunting elements of promoting my book and business is confusing, time consuming and sometimes frustrating. Trying to find a place to pee signifies the side of me that just wants to let go and be myself. Urinating also symbolizes getting rid of refuse. Not being able to find a suitable place to do so could represent my annoyance with trying to get things in order and be who I want to be.
We’ve all had the naked in public dreams, and they usually symbolize our fear of being ‘found out’ – or our true natures being discovered. Sitting on the toilet, as the young man showed absolutely no interest (aside from the fact that I was a stranger peeing in his room!) – might indicate how I feel about revealing my soul in public when no one seems to care. When the woman came in and also seemed uninterested in what I was doing – it didn’t alleviate my embarrassment with being caught with my pants down. I was annoyed that she didn’t listen to me, so it rang true for me – in regards to my book taking so long to get off the ground. (Three people have actually paid for it – at a measly $3.95 – and 69 others have downloaded it for free. I have one great review – from a stranger – with 5 stars. Every author understands how frustrating it is – especially when you’re self published!)
The young man could also be my animus – signifying the side of me who just wants to do what I want to do and not be bothered with anyone else! The fact that he was playing games symbolizes how I feel about all this. I sometimes feel that I’m just ‘playing’ and should get back to working a ‘normal’ job. The woman could represent my apparent flippancy regarding how I am putting myself out there.
SUMMARY: Pretty much summarizes how I feel about trying to forge ahead with my writing etc. I am revealing a hell of a lot about myself with the process of promoting and marketing – which is refreshing and frightening at the same time. I want to connect with people – especially my readers, and that means sharing myself. Maybe the dream was trying to tell me to be more discriminating about what and how I share. (Funny – as I’m here writing about my dreams and peeing!)
I feel – sometimes – that no one cares, but it’s not true. I have great feedback – mostly from strangers, although I’d like some people who are close to me to show more interest. Maybe it’s my subconscious expressing my fear of being irrelevant – baring my soul to an invisible or uncaring audience?
Dream Blogging – Sweeping
I had this dream this morning – strangely I don’t remember what else happened in it. I was back in Adelaide (Australia) – at my son’s place – at the end of a long, dark hallway. I was sweeping sand out the front door, and it didn’t matter how methodical I was – I couldn’t get rid of all the sand. Every time I looked behind me, there were still small mounds of sand. When I became aggressive with my sweeping, I saw that there was still a fine layer of sand still on the floor.
I remember thinking about the futility of it; that no matter what, people would still be dragging in more sand – on their shoes and clothes – but I kept on sweeping regardless. Then I was in a grocery store – in the refrigerated aisle – when I saw a black man (the bus driver who takes me to work every day!), up on a ladder and cleaning out the grime and grease from some machinery in the ceiling.
He was using his fingers to clear out the filth in the grooves and little shelves in the compartment. I asked him to stop and put some gloves on, as he could make himself sick. He just looked down at me – smiling and shaking his head – then continued doing it. I was worried about him transferring the filth to his mouth, but he wouldn’t listen to me.
THEME: Cleaning and sweeping, Concern, Futility.
SYMBOLS: Broom, sand, hallway, door, supermarket, ladder, dirt.
EMOTIONS: Concern, frustration.
ARCHETYPES: Man
INTERPRETATION: Cleaning and sweeping represent a desire to clear away old debris; clearing a path, putting things in order, correcting a mistake or problem, desire to reveal what’s underneath. The Buddhists say that cleaning your Dharma mirror (or whatever you’re cleaning) – means that you are sorting out your crap, basically – paving your way to enlightenment in order to reach Nirvana.
I was using a straw broom – which is a symbol of domesticity. It’s also a symbol for witches. (I have been a Hedgewitch for a long time!) Maybe it could mean that I have to use another method for sorting out my crap – or even – that the methods I’m using are not working? Sand can be symbolic of many things. In this dream I was in Adelaide (my son lives near the beach) – and it could be regarding my relationship with him – or being away from Australia. Clearing out past mistakes, paving a way back home, or reconstructing how I feel about my family.
Sand – and the shore – can be thought of as a threshold to other worlds, as they border the ocean. A grain of sand in an hourglass represents the sands of time. I know that I have a deep desire to turn the clock back – as the theme of aging has been prominent in my life lately. Turning around and seeing more sand behind me – tells me that no matter what – it will always be there. That’s where the futility re: continuing the process of getting rid of it comes in.
A hallway symbolizes an avenue to somewhere. In the Mansion of the Soul analogy – it represents a path to somewhere – or a holding/waiting area, that led to a door to the outside. Sweeping the sand out the front door – from the hallway – might show that I dither about, wasting time in a holding pattern – when I should move on and forget about what I can’t change.
A supermarket is a public place where you go to purchase sustenance. Probably representing my public persona – or how I deal with the public? A ladder has many connotations – such as – moving up the ladder (the man was at the top); bad luck for the superstitious; a portal or passage to another dimension etc. The man – as animus – could symbolize the masculine part of myself. The fact that he was black does not escape me. I have an Aboriginal (also Chinese, Welsh and French) heritage – so maybe that hints at my background or ‘native’ sense of self.
He ignored me and laughed when I showed concern for getting his fingers dirty. This could mean that I have a tendency to put myself in dangerous situations – blithely unaware that I could be doing myself harm. It could also be telling me to stop worrying about the small details – or even shying away from the dirty jobs in my life. As I’ve recently been sick – it could be telling me to stop being ignorant in regards to my health. This is a common theme for me lately!
SUMMARY: I need to stop worrying about things I can’t change – and start worrying about the things I can change! Again – putting the past behind me and to accept that time is marching on. I need to take more risks – being careful in the process. I need to stop procrastinating and try different methods for the evolution of my psyche. In order to properly integrate, I need to accept what is and work on what isn’t. Time to move on and be brave.
Dream Blogging – Gang of Animals
I had this dream yesterday – but was so tired last night after work – so I’m posting it late!
In the dream, I was walking down a road on an overcast day. I saw a gang of animals heading towards me on the footpath. There was a dog (pitbull), some cats and a strange, floating pinecone with an owl’s face peering out of the front. (The pinecone was horizontal, flying low.) It was a fantasy creature obviously – but in the dream I was mystified – trying to find out what kind of creature it was.
One of the cats was white with ginger patches. It had a large paper bag attached to one of its’ back legs – as though it had worn the bag for pants, but had stepped out of one of the leg holes. The leg was poking out of the other side of the bag – and was bloodied and broken. When I got closer to try and help it, I noticed that it was distressed – but it kept floating along with the other animals.
The dog seemed protective of the cat – but at first I thought that it was responsible for the cat’s injuries. Then I realized that the cat had been in a car accident and that it was quite old. When I tried to pick the cat up – it felt like a bag of bones. It purred when I petted it and I tried to help – but I wondered if the purring was just a stress reaction. I decided to follow it home to see if I could alert the owner and once we got to its’ house – the owner showed up.
She was an older hippy woman who pulled up in an old, white car that was beaten up and neglected. There were dirty, stuffed animals along the back window of the car. She was concerned about the cat – who was now lying on the grass in the front yard – waiting to be attended to.
THEME: Concern, dealings with animals, travelling, old and beaten up.
SYMBOLS: Cat, Dog, Strange creatures, road, car, stuffed animals, paper bag, injuries.
EMOTIONS: Concern, compassion, confusion.
ARCHETYPES: Old woman, animals.
INTERPRETATION: Some of this was obvious to me – as I’ve said in my previous dream interpretation – I’ve been feeling old and beat up lately! Walking down the road in the middle of the day – travelling through middle age. (The road was sloping slightly downwards.) The animals coming towards me represent various elements of my psyche wanting to be analyzed – or the process of the integrated self. For example: the dog was in good health but had a twinge of pink on its’ nose – hence the reason why I’d thought it had bitten the cat’s leg.
The other cats were fine – ambling along – but the old, injured cat represents how I’ve been feeling of late. I don’t know if it was jet lag or a virus – but I’ve been very tired for the last couple of weeks and have had strange symptoms – such as sore hips, stiff joints and glands swelling up. I think the flimsy bag on the cat’s leg symbolizes my haphazard attempts at taking care of myself! I try to soldier on and tell everyone that I’m fine when I’m not – for fear of appearing old and feeble.
The pinecone owl stumped me at first – but then I realized that it represented the mystical or spiritual side of myself that I’m still trying to understand. The pinecone symbolizes seeds spent – therefore old age. (I’m not dead yet – at 48!!) The owl is a nocturnal animal – so am I. It also represents wisdom and secret worlds – so maybe the fact that it was half-pinecone means that I’m entering the realm of the crone. (It’s funny – as I’ve always loved pine trees and owls!)
I think the lady also represents myself. The car symbolizes how I travel through life. (Roughshod and breakneck – sometimes!) The stuffed animals in the back window could symbolize aspects of myself that have taken a back seat – or have been neglected.
SUMMARY: Again – to slow down and take care of myself – but also, to acknowledge the hidden aspects of my true self. I need to accept getting older and rejoice in this new phase. I have been leaning away from spirituality over the past few fears – towards atheism. Maybe the mystical realms don’t have to be necessarily attached to a religion per se. Nonetheless – I have been feeling the lack of connection to that side of myself. Time to explore!
Dream Blogging – Thwarted
This is the first dream to be posted for interpretation. I’ve called it “Thwarted” – as that’s pretty much the whole theme of the dream. Even though I’m usually very good with being on time – even ridiculously early – being late is a common theme for me, in my dreams. Probably because I hate being late!
I was staying at an old woman’s place in Australia and had left with my grandson to catch a plane back to the U.S. My grandson – Leon – is four years old, and he was decked out like he was going on an expedition! He looked like an intrepid traveler, dressed in khaki and carrying his little bag. As we were walking up the driveway (it was night time) – I realized that I didn’t have my luggage. We went back to the old woman’s house to get them, but when we got there – it dawned on me that I hadn’t even packed my bags!
I started scrambling to jam everything into the suitcases. My stuff was strewn all over the bedroom – with clothes, books and papers under the bed, across the floor and on the chair and dressing table. Every time I thought I’d packed the last thing – something else caught my eye so – yet again – I had to open the suitcase and stuff it in.
As I was doing this, Leon said in his cute little voice, “What about my spoon?” I asked the old woman to get his spoon but she was ignoring me – just hanging around in the background. I kept obsessing about the spoon and packing my luggage, but was then distracted by an array of beautiful perfume bottles on the dressing table. I couldn’t decide which one to take with me.
The clock was ticking and I panicked about not getting to the airport on time. My heart was aching for Leon as I couldn’t find the spoon – but the perfume bottles continued to distract me.
THEME: Being late, disorganized, thwarted plans, neglected responsibility.
SYMBOLS: Clock, Luggage, Spoon, Perfume.
EMOTIONS: Panic, sadness, frustration, disorientation, distractions.
ARCHETYPES: Little boy, Old woman.
INTERPRETATION: This is a common theme for me – fearing that I will miss out on meeting deadlines due to unpreparedness. Since I was a teenager, I’ve had dreams about being late. I know this sounds odd – but back then, I would get some kind of a sexual thrill about being late. As I’ve matured – frustration has become the key element – no thrill!
I think this could be drilled down to – fear of missing out. I have had to deal with feeling like the rug’s been pulled out from under me – on and off – for a long time, which feeds these kinds of dreams. I am always very organized when it comes to planning – with my endless checklists and dry runs, etc. I am always annoyed when things don’t go to plan – and even though I do well with thinking outside the box and adapting – sometimes it gets to me. This could be my subconscious (or unconscious) mind – telling me that no matter what and no matter how much I plan – things can go wrong – so I just need to ease up and accept what I can’t change, etc. To go with the flow.
Having my grandson in the dream represents responsibility for others, especially those who depend on me. He was prepared – apart from having his spoon. A spoon represents sufficient nourishment, measuring medicine, comfort (especially for children – knowing that they have enough to sustain them). As my anima – the masculine side of my psyche – Leon could be representing the youthful, outgoing, powerful side of me that needs to be sustained – hence the spoon. I have been grappling with getting older lately – not feeling like I have as much energy to get things done.
He could also have appeared to show how a typical grandmother feels towards her grandchildren – concern for their well-being. I did feel remorse for obsessing about the perfume in the dream – rather than putting more effort into finding the spoon. Maybe it symbolizes my fear of not being considered sexually viable anymore, as I paid more attention to the perfume – or the alluring side of my psyche – rather than the spoon, which represented my stamina, agility – or even the idea that I should be ‘feeding my soul’ instead.
The old woman was probably another version of myself. If she symbolized how I feel in regards to getting older, in the background, unresponsive – then it makes sense. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling of late – unable to cope, forgotten, less worthy, etc. (Especially when my ego is involved with trying to get my first novel out there!)
Luggage or suitcases – pretty straight forward. They were unpacked and I struggled to get them in order. Not being able to get my shit together. I’ve been feeling that a lot lately!
SUMMARY: I need to slow down and take stock. I need to remember the important things in life and not to be so hard on myself. Having said that – I also think that the dream was telling me to focus on things that are important and not to waste precious time on things that don’t help me evolve as a human being.
Please feel free to comment or ask questions!
lilithu
Notes for a Chronicle 
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