Hashing out my stories

Archive for March, 2015

Sequel to Delwyn of the Realms

Just finished writing the first draft of Book 2 in the Storming Archives – sequel to Delwyn of the Realms! Trembling and excited!

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Dream Blogging – Gay Cheese Party!

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First – an explanation. This dream was not about homosexual cheese! There were lots of gay men and a lot of cheese. Even though you can never tell why your subconscious lumps certain things together – the main themes in the dream I had this morning related to gay men and cheese. (When I was searching freeimages.com – for images of cheese – I found myself saying, over and over, “That cheese isn’t gay enough!” I’ve never associated cheesiness with gayness – so it tickled my fancy!)

Also – I discovered that looking for good cheese is like looking for good porn. You want a variety – but at the same time – something specialized and unique. Your particular tastes dictate what you’re looking for, and for me – it wasn’t exactly cheese with a gay quality. It was more like – what is tasteful, yet encompasses all the varieties of cheese. Like porn, cheese can be sumptuous, creamy and exciting – or old, cheap and boring!

One more thing – I have a rampant love for gayness – and a demonic obsession with cheese, so please don’t think I’m making fun of the LGBT community! I grew up around gay people, shared houses with them and still have many gay friends to this day. I loved and love them very much – just like any other human in my spheres!

Now – on with the dream.

I arrived at a party hosted by gay men, who were older and very flamboyant; typically hilarious and dramatic. The setting had a lot of white frills, lace and kitschy items – with walls the color of burnt orange. The hosts were lounging on a white sofa, drinking and chatting. When I came over and sat on an ottoman in front of them, they all greeted me wearily. I asked if anything was wrong, and the main host – who was also wearing white – rolled his eyes (heavy with eyeliner) and said, “No one bothered to bring food. All we have is crackers and booze!”

I was excited – as I had two large bags with me – filled with a variety of cheese. I stood up and announced the fact that I had brought cheese. They were all very happy and followed me as I went to the table. I pulled out a beautiful brie, shiny swiss, heavenly blue veins (no pun intended!), creamy havarti, nutty gouda, sharp cheddar and a rindy camembert – to name a few. They all gathered excitedly around the table, with oohs and aahs – groans and giggles.

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As they started eating, I took off my coat – it was long and colorful. A few of the men turned to watch – telling me how gorgeous I was and that my new clothes were definitely an improvement. I looked like a 70’s space cadet! I was wearing white jeans, a powder-blue t-shirt – with a bright red emblem across the chest – and my hair was black with red streaks along the front. One of the men came over as I checked myself out in the mirror, and said to me, “Oooh – I love the black and red! So trendy!” I was very happy and excited to be noticed. Also – to be thought of as trendy!

THEMES: Party, generosity and sharing, celebration, appearances, validation.

SYMBOLS: Cheese, White decor, burnt orange walls, ottoman, kitsch, clothing, hair, makeup, large bags, crackers.

EMOTIONS: Camaraderie, happiness, acceptance, flattering, excitement, satisfaction.

ARCHETYPES: Men (variety and levels of gayness – such as flamboyant, straight-acting, dramatic etc.)

INTERPRETATION: For me – what stands out is the overall theme of making people happy and being appreciated. A party atmosphere shows engagement and ideas of being invited, accepted and having fun. The white decor hints at purity and a feeling of ‘back to the basics’. The frills and kitschy ornamentation denotes things such as bells and whistles – in regards to how I decorate my life and the things I’m doing in it – especially with promoting and marketing myself. I’ve always considered burnt orange as a throwback to the 70’s – as my mother used a lot of burnt orange, purple and lime green when I was a child. Maybe the dream was telling me to remember what it was like – being carefree and playful.

Men (the animus in a woman’s dream) – as gay men, represent my masculine side that’s not afraid of being considered different or flamboyant. There was a power to them – in terms of just being themselves – not caring about what people thought of them and doing what they pleased. I was completely comfortable in their presence and felt like I was one of them. I was so happy to bring them the cheeses and delighted in their excitement. Sitting on the ottoman – rather than on the couch with the others – seems like I was still feeling like an outsider, or perched – waiting for an invitation.

Cheese is an ancient food that symbolizes satisfaction, nourishment, decadence and wealth. With cheese – you don’t have to have anything else – as it is a luxurious item that can stand alone. Even though dried or fresh fruit, crackers, crusty bread, cured meats, deep, red wines or white wine can make a wonderful addition – cheese by itself represents a complete meal or snack. The fact that I had two bags of them is not a mystery to me – as I am known among my friends and family to be the bringer of cheeses, meats and other delicacies to any event – whether a party, watching a movie or chatting over good wine.

Wearing outrageous clothing represents my persona and how I present myself to the world – big themes for me lately. I’ve mentioned in previous dreams how – with the promoting and marketing of my book – I feel like I am becoming a crazy version of myself – as I am normally quiet and reserved in public or around people I don’t know. The black and red hair denotes an increase in status – being prepared to show a flamboyant side to myself, and not afraid to be different.

SUMMARY: Obviously – to join the party and not to be afraid of letting myself go and being myself. I have a lot to give and share – and should not be afraid to do so. I need to find and show my power and ability to be creative and individual. In doing so – others will flock to me – not because I am out there bleating about my products and services, but because I am offering something that has quality and is unique – like me! Yay!

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Blurb for Delwyn of the Realms

New Blurb for DOTR

Delwyn of the Realms: Storming Archives – Book 1 – available on Amazon as an ebook and paperback.

(Click picture for link to Amazon)


Dream Blogging – Patchwork of scenes

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This is a dream that I had last week but have been too busy to post. A lot happening in this one – one of those hodge-podge dreams that zig-zags here and there!

At first I was at Tina’s place (my son’s girlfriend’s mother – phew!) – back in Australia. We were in the kitchen and she was at the stove, preparing to cook. I was helping with the dishes but there were small things going on that were preventing me from completing the task. Just issues with organization. This was during the day, as we were both at the kitchen window and sunlight was pouring in.

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Then it was night and I was driving and speeding along a winding road. I noticed a police car behind me and I became paranoid, so I slowed down and kept it under the speed limit. I remember that when I was speeding – I was doing 50 in a 40 zone – so after I spotted the police, I dropped it back down to just under 40. Luckily – they were distracted by a speeding car at the bottom of the hill, so they took off after it.

Then I was in a shopping mall with my two grandchildren – Leon who is 4 years old and Noah as a toddler (even though he is only 5 months old). I saw a woman who I used to work with, doing a product presentation in the middle of the walkway. She had a crazy blonde hairdo that reminded me of the lead singer from the 80’s band – A Flock of Seagulls!

I took Leon and Noah to a cafe and went up to the counter to order our food. I ordered two burgers, a coffee and then tried to order some fish sandwiches for later – but the guy at the counter was rude and arguing with me over the extra sandwiches. I told him that it was none of his business, but then a nice guy came up and told him to go back to the kitchen.

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Then the nice guy took my order and was very professional and polite. I opened up my wallet and there was a lot of cash stacked in there. I was worried about other’s seeing it.

THEMES: Issues with organizing; worried about being caught. Public persona, interactions with others.

SYMBOLS: Dishes/housework/organizing. Driving, police, breaking the law. Hill top. Crazy hairdo. Food, money.

EMOTIONS: Annoyance, fear of authority and breaking the law. Wondering, confusion, being secretive.

ARCHETYPES: Stable woman, crazy woman, nasty man, nice man. Police, Children.

INTERPRETATION: A lot of oscillation between opposites – especially behaviors exhibited by my anima and animus. Tina – the stable woman – represents the persona that I fear others don’t see me as. Being in the kitchen (the ‘family’ room in the Mansion of the Soul) – shows how I operate in regards to my family. (Worry, feeling inadequate?) Even though I am always told how happy and ‘together’ I am – inner doubts about how I am perceived were represented by my inability to complete the tasks in the kitchen. This could also symbolize my regret over not being back in Australia – which I am working on – as my husband and I hope to relocate in a few years’ time.

Speeding on the top of the hill could represent how I feel I might appear to others – in regards to my promotional activities and public persona. I am constantly marketing and promoting on the internet – as I need to get my book and my Numerology business into gear. Going over the speed limit could indicate either my embarrassment or fear that other’s might see me as striving too hard to ‘get to the top’. I know that it’s my life – so it’s no one else’s business – however there is a side to me that worries over ‘rising above my rank’ or station! Maybe dropping speed showed that I might need to calm down, which is funny – as I have been telling myself to go easy and get back to what I love – which is writing!

Seeing the woman in the mall with the crazy hairdo could also be hinting at my public persona. At times, when on Twitter, Facebook etc – I feel like I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone and projecting a ‘crazy’ image of myself. It’s amazing how promoting yourself can feel like you’re entering an invisible circus – especially on the internet.

The rude man in the cafe could symbolize that side of myself that thinks I’m being ridiculous – like biting off more than I could chew, when I ordered the extra sandwiches. However – food symbolizes sustenance, and the fish in the sandwiches could symbolize spirituality. So it could be my inner, masculine self – telling me that I should just work and stop ‘fluffing’ about with the writing and numerology. Or it could represent the negative voice trying to sway me from striving for what inspires me: the authentic life.

The nice man resolved the situation and took my order – pretty much letting me know that it was all ok and I could have what I wanted! I was also worrying about Leon and Noah – so that could mean that I need to do all this for myself and my family – to have something solid and meaningful to pass on to them. (Also to show an example re: living the authentic life!)

Dreaming of money is often a wish fulfilling aspect of the dreamer. We all would love to have our wallets and purses overflowing with cash! The fact that I was worried that others would see, might indicate that I’m either afraid of success – or worried about having to share! I’m a very generous person – so the latter doesn’t seem that feasible to me – yet there is a side of me that is concerned about others taking what’s mine! Especially when the cost of promoting and marketing can be quite daunting!

SUMMARY: Mostly to do with my public persona and how I appear to others: particularly in regards to my writing and my business. I want to succeed – but I’m also afraid of succeeding – for fear of others seeing me in a different light. Overall – I think the dream was trying to tell me that in the end – everything will be ok – and that I still need to be mindful and scale it back, in order to remain authentic. Also – even though others might think I’m crazy – it’s what I think and how I feel that counts. What I leave behind as a legacy is all tied in with following my dreams – but keeping at least one foot on the ground!

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Dream Blogging – Pants down

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I had this dream last night. First – I was in the building across from my work, and I knew that I had to get back there, but something was holding me back. I remember feeling that I didn’t have to return to work – and even though there was a sense that I ought to return – the possibility of exploring the new building was overpowering.

Then I was in someone’s home and needed to pee. The house was a little messy or haphazard – with things everywhere – and the rooms were disjointed and confusing. I was finally told where the toilet was and when I entered the room – it was a combination of a bedroom and toilet. It belonged to a young man who was playing video games in the corner, close to the door. I was embarrassed to go in and do my business – but I had to go, so I went over and pulled my pants down, then sat down on the toilet and started peeing.

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I was worried that the young man would turn around and see me – but he didn’t seem to care. Then a door next to the toilet opened and a middle aged woman started coming in – but I tried to tell her that I wasn’t finished. She also didn’t seem to care – but I was embarrassed and wanted to finish so I could get out.

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THEMES: Exposure, being discovered, decisions, lack of privacy.

SYMBOLS: Work, toilet, half-naked, urination, games, small and strange rooms/house.

EMOTIONS: Desire to run away, indecisiveness, embarrassment, annoyance.

ARCHETYPES: Young man, Middle aged woman.

INTERPRETATION: In regards to the first scene, the idea of not wanting to go back to work is obvious. As I am trying to build a ‘career’ with my writing and Numerology business, I’m finding it increasingly annoying to have to keep going through the motions and working a 9-5 job, when all I want to do is be creative and focus on what I really enjoy doing. (Don’t we all?!) So, hiding in the building across the street from my workplace – trying to decide whether to go back or not – indicates the internal battle that rages inside me. I have to work to pay the bills – a steady job. It takes up most of my time, when I could be spending all my time on my writing and other interests.

Being in a strange house with strange rooms could represent how I feel with the promoting and marketing of my book. Trying to navigate my way around all the daunting elements of promoting my book and business is confusing, time consuming and sometimes frustrating. Trying to find a place to pee signifies the side of me that just wants to let go and be myself. Urinating also symbolizes getting rid of refuse. Not being able to find a suitable place to do so could represent my annoyance with trying to get things in order and be who I want to be.

We’ve all had the naked in public dreams, and they usually symbolize our fear of being ‘found out’ – or our true natures being discovered. Sitting on the toilet, as the young man showed absolutely no interest (aside from the fact that I was a stranger peeing in his room!) – might indicate how I feel about revealing my soul in public when no one seems to care. When the woman came in and also seemed uninterested in what I was doing – it didn’t alleviate my embarrassment with being caught with my pants down. I was annoyed that she didn’t listen to me, so it rang true for me – in regards to my book taking so long to get off the ground. (Three people have actually paid for it – at a measly $3.95 – and 69 others have downloaded it for free. I have one great review – from a stranger – with 5 stars. Every author understands how frustrating it is – especially when you’re self published!)

The young man could also be my animus – signifying the side of me who just wants to do what I want to do and not be bothered with anyone else! The fact that he was playing games symbolizes how I feel about all this. I sometimes feel that I’m just ‘playing’ and should get back to working a ‘normal’ job. The woman could represent my apparent flippancy regarding how I am putting myself out there.

SUMMARY: Pretty much summarizes how I feel about trying to forge ahead with my writing etc. I am revealing a hell of a lot about myself with the process of promoting and marketing – which is refreshing and frightening at the same time. I want to connect with people – especially my readers, and that means sharing myself. Maybe the dream was trying to tell me to be more discriminating about what and how I share. (Funny – as I’m here writing about my dreams and peeing!)

I feel – sometimes – that no one cares, but it’s not true. I have great feedback – mostly from strangers, although I’d like some people who are close to me to show more interest. Maybe it’s my subconscious expressing my fear of being irrelevant – baring my soul to an invisible or uncaring audience?


Soundcloud ad for my novel “Delwyn of the Realms”

Here’s the link to my ebook on Amazon – $3.95:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TD0RF7E

Here’s the link to the books’ website:

http://www.delwynoftherealms.com/

and here’s my Author website:

http://www.kellyproudfoot.com/


Dream Blogging – Sweeping

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I had this dream this morning – strangely I don’t remember what else happened in it. I was back in Adelaide (Australia) – at my son’s place – at the end of a long, dark hallway. I was sweeping sand out the front door, and it didn’t matter how methodical I was – I couldn’t get rid of all the sand. Every time I looked behind me, there were still small mounds of sand. When I became aggressive with my sweeping, I saw that there was still a fine layer of sand still on the floor.

I remember thinking about the futility of it; that no matter what, people would still be dragging in more sand – on their shoes and clothes – but I kept on sweeping regardless. Then I was in a grocery store – in the refrigerated aisle – when I saw a black man (the bus driver who takes me to work every day!), up on a ladder and cleaning out the grime and grease from some machinery in the ceiling.

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He was using his fingers to clear out the filth in the grooves and little shelves in the compartment. I asked him to stop and put some gloves on, as he could make himself sick. He just looked down at me – smiling and shaking his head – then continued doing it. I was worried about him transferring the filth to his mouth, but he wouldn’t listen to me.

THEME: Cleaning and sweeping, Concern, Futility.

SYMBOLS: Broom, sand, hallway, door, supermarket, ladder, dirt.

EMOTIONS: Concern, frustration.

ARCHETYPES: Man

INTERPRETATION: Cleaning and sweeping represent a desire to clear away old debris; clearing a path, putting things in order, correcting a mistake or problem, desire to reveal what’s underneath. The Buddhists say that cleaning your Dharma mirror (or whatever you’re cleaning) – means that you are sorting out your crap, basically – paving your way to enlightenment in order to reach Nirvana.

I was using a straw broom – which is a symbol of domesticity. It’s also a symbol for witches. (I have been a Hedgewitch for a long time!) Maybe it could mean that I have to use another method for sorting out my crap – or even – that the methods I’m using are not working? Sand can be symbolic of many things. In this dream I was in Adelaide (my son lives near the beach) – and it could be regarding my relationship with him – or being away from Australia. Clearing out past mistakes, paving a way back home, or reconstructing how I feel about my family.

Sand – and the shore – can be thought of as a threshold to other worlds, as they border the ocean. A grain of sand in an hourglass represents the sands of time. I know that I have a deep desire to turn the clock back – as the theme of aging has been prominent in my life lately. Turning around and seeing more sand behind me – tells me that no matter what – it will always be there. That’s where the futility re: continuing the process of getting rid of it comes in.

A hallway symbolizes an avenue to somewhere. In the Mansion of the Soul analogy – it represents a path to somewhere – or a holding/waiting area, that led to a door to the outside. Sweeping the sand out the front door – from the hallway – might show that I dither about, wasting time in a holding pattern – when I should move on and forget about what I can’t change.

A supermarket is a public place where you go to purchase sustenance. Probably representing my public persona – or how I deal with the public? A ladder has many connotations – such as – moving up the ladder (the man was at the top); bad luck for the superstitious; a portal or passage to another dimension etc. The man – as animus – could symbolize the masculine part of myself. The fact that he was black does not escape me. I have an Aboriginal (also Chinese, Welsh and French) heritage – so maybe that hints at my background or ‘native’ sense of self.

He ignored me and laughed when I showed concern for getting his fingers dirty. This could mean that I have a tendency to put myself in dangerous situations – blithely unaware that I could be doing myself harm. It could also be telling me to stop worrying about the small details – or even shying away from the dirty jobs in my life. As I’ve recently been sick – it could be telling me to stop being ignorant in regards to my health. This is a common theme for me lately!

SUMMARY: I need to stop worrying about things I can’t change – and start worrying about the things I can change! Again – putting the past behind me and to accept that time is marching on. I need to take more risks – being careful in the process. I need to stop procrastinating and try different methods for the evolution of my psyche. In order to properly integrate, I need to accept what is and work on what isn’t. Time to move on and be brave.

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Dream Blogging – Gang of Animals

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I had this dream yesterday – but was so tired last night after work – so I’m posting it late!

In the dream, I was walking down a road on an overcast day. I saw a gang of animals heading towards me on the footpath. There was a dog (pitbull), some cats and a strange, floating pinecone with an owl’s face peering out of the front. (The pinecone was horizontal, flying low.) It was a fantasy creature obviously – but in the dream I was mystified – trying to find out what kind of creature it was.

One of the cats was white with ginger patches. It had a large paper bag attached to one of its’ back legs – as though it had worn the bag for pants, but had stepped out of one of the leg holes. The leg was poking out of the other side of the bag – and was bloodied and broken. When I got closer to try and help it, I noticed that it was distressed – but it kept floating along with the other animals.

The dog seemed protective of the cat – but at first I thought that it was responsible for the cat’s injuries. Then I realized that the cat had been in a car accident and that it was quite old. When I tried to pick the cat up – it felt like a bag of bones. It purred when I petted it and I tried to help – but I wondered if the purring was just a stress reaction. I decided to follow it home to see if I could alert the owner and once we got to its’ house – the owner showed up.

She was an older hippy woman who pulled up in an old, white car that was beaten up and neglected. There were dirty, stuffed animals along the back window of the car. She was concerned about the cat – who was now lying on the grass in the front yard – waiting to be attended to.

THEME: Concern, dealings with animals, travelling, old and beaten up.

SYMBOLS: Cat, Dog, Strange creatures, road, car, stuffed animals, paper bag, injuries.

EMOTIONS: Concern, compassion, confusion.

ARCHETYPES: Old woman, animals.

INTERPRETATION: Some of this was obvious to me – as I’ve said in my previous dream interpretation – I’ve been feeling old and beat up lately! Walking down the road in the middle of the day – travelling through middle age. (The road was sloping slightly downwards.) The animals coming towards me represent various elements of my psyche wanting to be analyzed – or the process of the integrated self. For example: the dog was in good health but had a twinge of pink on its’ nose – hence the reason why I’d thought it had bitten the cat’s leg.

The other cats were fine – ambling along – but the old, injured cat represents how I’ve been feeling of late. I don’t know if it was jet lag or a virus – but I’ve been very tired for the last couple of weeks and have had strange symptoms – such as sore hips, stiff joints and glands swelling up. I think the flimsy bag on the cat’s leg symbolizes my haphazard attempts at taking care of myself! I try to soldier on and tell everyone that I’m fine when I’m not – for fear of appearing old and feeble.

The pinecone owl stumped me at first – but then I realized that it represented the mystical or spiritual side of myself that I’m still trying to understand. The pinecone symbolizes seeds spent – therefore old age. (I’m not dead yet – at 48!!) The owl is a nocturnal animal – so am I. It also represents wisdom and secret worlds – so maybe the fact that it was half-pinecone means that I’m entering the realm of the crone. (It’s funny – as I’ve always loved pine trees and owls!)

I think the lady also represents myself. The car symbolizes how I travel through life. (Roughshod and breakneck – sometimes!) The stuffed animals in the back window could symbolize aspects of myself that have taken a back seat – or have been neglected.

SUMMARY: Again – to slow down and take care of myself – but also, to acknowledge the hidden aspects of my true self. I need to accept getting older and rejoice in this new phase. I have been leaning away from spirituality over the past few fears – towards atheism. Maybe the mystical realms don’t have to be necessarily attached to a religion per se. Nonetheless – I have been feeling the lack of connection to that side of myself. Time to explore!

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