Tentative Tempests: Lessons Learned in Self Publishing
2015 was a big year for me, in terms of finally becoming a published author – notwithstanding the fact that I am self-published. I have three of the four planned books from my Storming Archives available on Amazon (Kindle Editions and paperback), with the fourth currently being written, as well as a novel planned for release in early 2016.
I have a total of ten writing projects slated for 2016, including fiction, non-fiction, short stories, poetry and other stuff and nonsense! I’m lucky to be in a position where I can finally say that I’m a full time author – with 1/4/16 being my last day in a traditional job. I am very grateful to have a wonderfully supportive husband, who has afforded me this awesome opportunity to live the life I’ve always dreamed of.
Now, I want to advise that I do not intend to sound like I’m doing the dying swan routine, but 2015 was very much a case of trial and error in regards to navigating the world of the self-published author. As I was impatient to get my books out, I ventured into the realm of self-publishing after sending only five query letters out. (They were all very gracious in their rejection letters – stating that, whilst they enjoyed reading my synopsis and sample chapter, they felt that it wasn’t what they were looking for.)
I knew early on that my Storming Archives would present a challenge to anyone (including me) in terms of promoting and marketing, as the genre and style is a hybrid of various elements. I market the series as a fantasy, with a twist of horror, but it’s also very surreal and in the realm of consciousness.
There are many reasons for this. Firstly, the protagonist is a thirty year old woman who (like me) “suffers” from a series of mental afflictions – namely sleep paralysis, hallucinations, astral projection and vivid dreams. In “Delwyn of the Realms” (Book 1), we follow Delwyn through a mirror portal to the realm of dreams (known as Onesol). There, she has to face her Shadow in order to properly integrate – in preparation for becoming a “Portal Stormer” (Book 2).
In the second book, Delwyn escapes into the “Realms” – where she meets her fellow Portal Stormers and discovers that she has to face her Last Sorrow in the hellish realm of Nidar. After being initiated as a fully fledged Portal Stormer, she and her troops have to learn how to shapeshift, in “Totem Shift” (Book 3). This is where Delwyn and the Portal Stormers go on their ultimate mission, to secretly infiltrate the realm of animal spirits (known as Erankorun), so that they can persuade the Ural to join with the other realms. A united front is needed to face the Founders – who are coming to destroy the realms (our galaxy – known as Kendanerum).
In most cases, fantasy and science fiction stories are set in physical realms, whether past, present or future. They can also be alternate or parallel worlds, on other planets as well as earth. They are sometimes slotted into fantasy genres such as slipstream, portal, epic and so on. The bottom line is that they are actual/physical places, or at least – if they are “imaginary” or unreal – it’s an aberration and the resolution is usually dealing with hallucinations, dreams and alternate realities.
I found it difficult to define the fact that my stories were set in the “inner” realms, which are usually mental or spiritual places considered non-physical. Sure, there have been many stories set in the dream world or imaginary places – such as hell, heaven, etc. The difference with the Storming Archives is that – on the one hand – the realms/worlds involved are usually considered imaginary, but on the other hand, they can be visited by a chosen few, in physical form.
This might not be a stretch for some people. To give you an idea, here’s my “map” of Kendanerum:
Here’s a legend or key to the realms in Kendanerum:
- Onesol is the dream world – the realm of the Collective Unconscious
- Alusol is the realm of hallucinations – where visions and inspiration come from
- Meditar is the realm of meditation – a place for contemplation and revelation
- Akasha is the realm of Karma – the Hall of records and hub for transit to the Seven Heavens
- Nidar is the Underworld – once the source of Dark Matter; now a hellish realm of retribution
- The Seven Heavens is just that – where good souls cycle through on their way to Nirvana
- Erankorun is the realm of animal spirits – a safe haven (heaven) for animals
- Aletheia (Earth) is the material realm – where Aletheians (humans) reside
Only those, like Delwyn – who have the ability to traverse all realms (given her mental “afflictions”) – are allowed to visit these worlds in physical form.
I’ve drawn on my own experiences, as well as inspiration from surrealism (literature, art, music). What I’ve found quite annoying, is that the majority of novels being produced (traditional or self-published) rely heavily on the aspect of romance and/or sex when it comes to selling their stories.
Of course, we all know that sex sells, but I consider myself very altruistic when it comes to telling (and reading) a good story. What I mean by this is, I don’t feel that every bloody story has to have a romantic vein running through it. I’m probably setting myself up for ridicule – but there’s more to life than finding your soulmate or electrifying sex! I understand completely that the majority of humans are drawn to sex and romance. It’s not like I didn’t include a romantic interest – and sex – in the Storming Archives. It’s just not the main focus.
Not wanting to boast, as a side note – I have my soulmate and good sex – so I don’t have a burning desire to live out a fantasy in order to make up for something I don’t lack. Having said that, I totally enjoy good erotica and a story that involves romance, blah blah blah. It’s just frustrating to feel the need to promote my work along those lines.
I will say – that hasn’t been my only problem with getting more sales. I am a complete novice when it comes to promoting and marketing. I hate Facebook, so there’s that – but I do my best on platforms such as Twitter, Google+ and here on WordPress, to name a few.
I purchased a Snowball microphone, for the purpose of recording an audiobook. I’ve been practicing, so we’ll see how that goes. I’ve also entered a short story (unrelated to the Storming Archives) – in the Neoverse Short Story competition. Winners will be announced on 1/15/16. (Fingers crossed!)
I loathe the idea of “buying” followers, so I have that against me too. I am still learning about other formats and procedures – which I will be incorporating in my promoting and marketing plans for 2016. (Such as book blog tours, readings, more radio interviews, Youtube videos and slideshows, better advertising, etc.)
I utilize Hootsuite and Crowdfire, as well as giveaways and campaigns on Goodreads and Amazon. I also have profiles on Shelfari, Bookbuzzr, Mythic Scribes and many others I’ve probably neglected or forgotten about. It’s just so daunting, time-consuming and frustrating – to say the least. (Especially if you’re working full time and running a household, on top of that.)
I don’t mean to piss and moan. I understand that, even if traditionally published – I’d still have to do a lot of the legwork myself. The thing I’ve discovered is, it doesn’t matter if you’re using services you have to pay for (who promise the earth!) or whether they’re free. You have to find the nerve and strike while the iron’s hot.
The daunting thing (whether self-published or not) is that there are millions of other authors scrambling just like I am. It feels like being a tiny, insignificant drop in a ferocious tempest – inside an endless teapot. When I’m “spruiking” on Twitter etc – I get the image of myself clamoring over a sea of bodies. Most of us are drowning – occasionally reaching out and waving frantically – only to be absorbed by the teeming throng. (Melodramatic piss-ant that I am!)
The things I know I have to do better with include:
- Finding and targeting my audience (who and where in the hell are they? I’m not asking – I know now – and it’s great to finally have the time to focus on this.)
- Flowing on from the above – engaging my readers and keeping them engaged (*sigh*)
- Creating meaningful giveaways and prizes to “lure” my audience.
- Swallowing my pride and side-stepping my altruistic tendencies (to a degree. I don’t want to have to “sell my soul”.)
- Doing away with frittering away resources and money where it is not doing me or my books any good.
- Being more intuitive in regards to trends.
- Getting more reviews!!!!!
- Dealing with my shyness and learning how to believe in myself and my work (Lordy, I’m trying!)
- Being more open about constructive criticism – but at the same time – knowing how to sort the wheat from the chaff (as I have received some hair-brained feedback and even personal attacks!)
- Entering more writing competitions
- Figuring out what else I have to do to – working smarter AND harder!
Having the time to organize and execute a solid marketing plan is key. After 1/4/16 I’ll have no excuse! Even though I’m doing some freelance work to make my own money (as I’m not one of those women who like to ask their husbands for a handout) – I have structured my “routine” to include time every day for my own writing.
Robert (my husband) said something totally sweet the other night, after I advised my plans re: housework, cooking and errands (just to reiterate that I would keep it all together).
He said, “I do not want you to turn your back on your creative urges just to do the dishes or laundry. If you feel the flow – let it out and focus on your writing. I’m working less hours for more money now and I’m quite happy to pick up the slack, if it means that you get to produce solid work. Do not allow the mundane to thwart your creativity!”
How’s that for romance?!
Dream Blogging – Sesame Tree
I had this dream earlier in the week. I was at my mother’s place and I was going to cook Spaghetti, when some landscape gardeners showed up. It was dark outside and when I went out – one of them showed me three books. The one in the middle was an old, leather-bound notebook and I asked for it – as it was just like the others I have. He told me that it wasn’t blank – that someone had already written in it.
Then I was at work and had planted some sesame seeds in a planter. I looked at the seed packet and it said that the seeds were for the soil as well as for eating. I looked at the plant and it had grown very tall and had black roots. There were a few ‘spears’ that looked like they had corn cobs on the tops. When I peeled back the husk on one of them – there was no corn, but sesame seeds in a gooey paste.
I pulled off a blob and ate it. It was delicious – and I started telling other people about it so they could also plant the seeds.
THEMES: Family, sustenance, personal history, growth, opportunities, sharing wisdom
SYMBOLS: Food, books/journal, sesame seeds, black roots, plants
EMOTIONS: Concern, disappointment, excitement, wonder.
ARCHETYPES: Mother, Gardener
INTERPRETATION: I’ve been thinking of my family a lot – and cooking the spaghetti (a family favorite) represents my desire to re-connect and give sustenance. The gardener symbolizes a side of me that is ‘landscaping’ my life and growing things. Growth is a big theme here. Books represent knowledge, sharing ideas, wisdom – and the journal was already written in – meaning that there is already a history or a story that’s been told. I wanted the journal so that I could record things in it – but when the gardener told me it was already used – I was a little disappointed.
When you get older – you still have so much that you want to achieve – and I do feel like I’m just starting out (especially with my writing, etc.) The fact that the person who showed me the books was a gardener – indicates that growth can come from analyzing the past and what has gone on before.
Dreaming about work or the workplace – represents career and public life. Sesame seeds can be a symbol for wisdom and sustenance. The Buddha sustained himself on one sesame seed a day over seven days – when he sat under the Banyan tree – after achieving enlightenment. Seeds symbolize potential for growth, new beginnings and the germination of life and ideas.
The fact that it grew on a strange plant – other than how real sesame plants grow – with a stalk and corn cob at the top, shows different and unusual methods. Eating and sharing the knowledge/wisdom – indicates how I am willing to learn and grow – as well as share with others.
The rich, black roots symbolize a solid foundation – full of ‘rich’ ideas and things to draw from – but they could also indicate the darkness from my past. The word ‘soil’ was dominant on the seed packet. I think it was trying to tell me that I need to return the favor – as in re-planting the seeds to share with others – as well as enriching my experience and feeding off the rewards of my successes.
SUMMARY: I felt at peace when I woke up from this dream. I knew intrinsically that everything would work out fine – even though I still have a few areas that need tweaking. I was excited about the symbolism of the sesame seeds – as it confirmed what I know deep down inside – even though I do worry about failure. It will be interesting to see how the rest of 2015 pans out for me – as I gave myself until the end of this year to see how I go with my books and my business. This dream gave me some clues!
Dream Blogging – Over here, Over there
I’m still playing catch up with posting my dreams – two more after this one and who knows what my subconscious will have on offer tonight?! I must say – I’m getting tired of the same themes – so I’m going to try to leave the repeats out (unless there’s something particularly interesting!) Repeating themes are just like recurring dreams – obviously thing’s I’m ignoring, not understanding or still dealing with.
So – old people and babies and everything in-between with this one. I started off in a swimming pool that seemed to be in a retirement home. There were old men and women – having a blast – swimming, chatting and playing with babies. I was in the pool – just wading at the shallow end (hmmm!) – and an old man called out to me. He was balancing a baby on his open palm and told me to take over. I tried to get to the baby but it was hard to catch up with. At one stage he was underwater, and I tried to get to him – but as soon as I got close – he was somewhere else.
Then I got out of the pool and was looking for my towel – which was old and scruffy. I was going into bathrooms and shower recesses to look for it. Every time I thought I’d found it – it turned out to be someone else’s.
I was also looking for my shoes and looked everywhere. I finally found them under a chair – old, black and ratty. I ws disappointed that I found them!
Then I was with my son when he was little – and one of his friends. We were crossing the road to get to the train station – but we walked slowly and an old man in an old, white car stopped to let us cross. When we got to the train station – I wanted to feed them as it was going to be a long trip.
The man at the concession store thought that I had stolen something – and said that the woman who had stolen from him had a white handbag like mine. When I handed it over to him – he searched through and found nothing – then apologized.
Then I was in an old house and Angela Bassett (of all people) – was an older woman and living there. I was sitting on the floor trying to use a computer, but an old man came along and tried to make me look at porn. I pushed him with my right hand and he slid very fast across the floor – like I had the strength of ten men – and slammed into the kitchen cupboards.
Then I was some kind of Geologist and had traveled to an exotic lagoon – with another Actor – Scarlett Johansson. We walked across the deck of a boat (maybe a Catamaran) which had netting that stretched to the shore of the lagoon.
As we stepped across the net I could see underneath – in some rock pools – strange slugs and sea creatures. I watched Ms Johansson walk off onto the beach and her hair was still blonde – but with black tips on the ends.
THEMES: Old age and youth, responsibility, new endeavors, transformation, power, reputation, opportunities.
SYMBOLS: Swimming pool, towel, old shoes, white car, white purse, old house, porn, boat, lagoon, exotic creatures
EMOTIONS: Fear of failure, panic, concern for others, anger, aggression, excitement, wonder.
ARCHETYPES: Old people, children and baby, pervert, cashier, Explorer
INTERPRETATION: There is a lot going on in this dream and I will try to keep it brief – especially in regards to common themes. (I will discuss further in the Summary.) Communing with older people – as I have passed the 40 year mark (gulp!) Others trying to assist me – re: taking over the balancing act with the baby – which represents new endeavors – as well as a new side of myself.
Towels are used to dry us off when we’re wet – and water represents the subconscious and emotions. Probably indicates a need to stop using old methods to soothe past mistakes or leftover grief. This also ties in with looking for my shoes – then being disappointed when I found them. Shoes take us through life – and the old black shoes in this dream could symbolize old methods that I need to disregard – and find something new. (Definitely true with my promoting and marketing.)
Walking slowly across the road could indicate how I feel about the way I’m travelling. The old man slowed down for me – making way for the new? (As I was walking with two children.) Train stations also represent a portal to another life. The cashier blamed me for stealing something – but then apologized when he realized I was innocent. He could represent my Animus – feeling that I’m trying to grasp for something I don’t deserve? Being absolved of the crime – could symbolize the idea that I am doing the right thing and can keep going.
I often dream of white things – and the white handbag/purse could represent innocence or purity. Bags can be seen as the womb or even vagina. Being empty – hmmmm!
The old house with Angela Bassett – she was dressed totally in white – like she was back in the 1950’s. She could be symbolizing my mother – or the mature side of me – although she was just in the background. The old man trying to make me look at porn – could be the side of me that feels neglected. (Don’t we always want more than we have?) The force I used to push him away – didn’t take much. I know I’ve been like a battle-axe when it comes to my writing etc. (Again – themes of ignoring important aspects in my life.)
A tropical place – a lagoon – represents the idealized life or person that I want so desperately to become. Exploring new territory and finding wonderful sea creatures – symbolizes my desire for excitement and an authentic life. The sea creatures can also indicate the emotional breakthroughs I’ve made over the past few years (still more to come!) – and things in my subconscious I have yet to discover.
Seeing the blonde hair with black tips – could mean that I have come a long way – but there’s still a bit to deal with. Hair represents your public persona – and how you present to the world. Some say it also indicates an increase in status. We’ll see!
SUMMARY: Same themes re: balancing acts – especially in regards to my public persona, etc. There are some aspects that are currently being ignored – which I should pay attention to. (I know!!! But I’m busy!!!! *sigh*) I need to keep a look out for opportunities and find new methods. I also need to prioritize as I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants – most of the time. I have been a lot more forthright lately – sticking up for myself and not taking crap from others. I think – maybe sometimes – I need to keep my power in check. I can be a little aggressive – especially when it comes to issues with justice and fairness. Meditation time!
Dream Blogging – Kids and Cops
(This dream was last weekend – been too busy until now.)
I was walking along a road – going to the store, when I saw a little girl – like a street urchin. She was dirty and very sad. I stopped to talk to her and she told me that she was starving and that her father was very cruel. She told me that he deliberately starved her and my heart broke. I took her with me to the store and we waited to be served for a long time. There was a man behind me who left his baby in the pram and walked off. The baby was covered in a blanket and I had to make sure he could breathe.
There were several dogs in the shop, milling about – restless but not dangerous. When I got to the front of the line – desperate to purchase the food for the little starving girl – the women at the counter suddenly walked off for a break. I yelled at them – telling them that it wasn’t good customer service – but they ignored me.
Then I was driving down a road – very fast – following a truck. We went through a few red lights and I was worried about the police pulling me over.
When I got further down the road, I stopped at the lights and saw two policemen – riding on tiny unicycles. They were so low to the ground – I wondered how they could catch anyone. Then I saw – through a fence – a training academy for the police – where a rookie was being trained on how to ride one of the small unicycles. He was starting off on a rock – which had a groove down the middle to balance the unicycle.
Then I was inside the academy, alongside a police woman – who was trying to walk down a stairwell with ice skates on – but the blades were made out of rubber. She had a lot of difficulty going down the stairs – but I had no trouble (wearing the same kind of skates).
THEMES: Starvation, poverty, neglect, anxiety, responsibility, recklessness, ability.
SYMBOLS: Dogs, blanket, cars/driving, red lights, unicycles, school/education, skates.
EMOTIONS: Anger, concern, compassion, reckless behavior, ridicule, competition.
ARCHETYPES: Fathers, children, dogs, police, shop attendants.
INTERPRETATION: The starving girl represented me – as I try to nurture and take care of that side of me that I feel has been neglected. I have – of late – been concerned with my health. However I’ve also been concerned with spreading myself too thin and not being available to others like I feel I should be.
Women – and men – often have issues with abandonment and I think this dream was dredging up some old issues in that vein. It’s funny how you think you’re over the old stuff and at times – they rear their ugly heads – forcing you to face the fact that you still need to deal with them. (Or at least – aspects of yourself that you still do battle with – in the subconscious areas of your mind.)
Dogs can represent the Self – and perhaps they indicated that they are waiting for me to recognize them – as they too were waiting in the line. The baby being covered by a blanket could either represent a project that I’m neglecting (I know of two that are niggling in the back of my mind!) – or an aspect of myself that I’m covering up or ignoring. Sometimes my impatience gets the better of me – so in respect to that – maybe the dream was telling me that it’s time to uncover the things I prefer to hide from.
Waiting in line could symbolize how I feel with my writing and my business – never feeling like I’m getting anywhere. Again – my impatience is an issue here – as I know that I’m taking steps to get to where I want to be. The women at the counter who turned away and ignored me could indicate either how I feel others view my efforts at getting my book and business noticed – or even how I am towards the important things in my life.
Racing down the road – speeding through the red lights (and following someone else doing the same thing) represents how I’m travelling through my life – at breakneck speed and feeling like there’s no end to the ‘chase’. Seeing the police on unicycles could symbolize how I view authority – which could be applied to my job (ha ha – true – but I’m not divulging here!) Especially as they were struggling and the fact that I was better at walking down stairs on rubber skates! I am at a phase in my life when I finally feel capable of doing anything – a first for me!
SUMMARY: At times I feel very capable and that I’m doing well with the balancing acts – in regards to working a full time job, writing, promoting etc. Other times – not so good – feeling insecure, vulnerable and incapable of pushing through. I do have moments where I feel bad about all the time I’m spending on my projects – and that there’s just not enough time to achieve all that I want to achieve. It would be nice to be a ‘lady of leisure’ and have all the time in the world to devote to all the things and people in my life – and it’s so difficult to prioritize and organize schedules, etc.
In order to ‘normalize’ myself and my life – I need to incorporate a workable schedule and start meditating again. That would help me put things in perspective and gain a better understanding of where I’m headed and what I want to do with the skills I have. I fear that I’ll never get to the point where I can say “I’ve made it!” But – made what? Will I shrivel up if I “make it”? Is the struggle the impetus I need in order to create? If I was a lady of leisure – would I have the urge to write – or would I rest on my laurels, watch tv and eat bon bons for the rest of my life? I hope not – but all I want to do is write!
Dream Blogging – Putting down the Ritz
I had this dream early this morning. My husband and I were staying at a ritzy hotel near a beach. My father and my uncle came to visit us there and my uncle was a lot thinner – like he had been working out and dieting. He also had a new, much younger wife. My husband went down to the bar to meet them before me, and when I did head off, I came across two sets of stairs leading down. One was carpeted and the other was shiny marble. I chose to walk down the marble stairs, even though I knew it might be easier to slip. I just didn’t want to walk down what I thought was old, used carpet.
As I walked down the stairs – I noticed that my pants were halfway down – revealing my butt – and I didn’t care! I was also wearing a blue and white striped tank top – with no bra. My attitude was – too bad, I can do what I want.
Before we sat down at the table, I went over to talk to my uncle and put my hands on his chest. It wasn’t sexual at all – as I just couldn’t believe that it was the same man. His muscles were hard and he seemed a lot younger. He was worried about how much money we were spending, even though it seemed that he didn’t have any money problems himself. He saw my silver rings on my fingers and dragged me over to the window – so he could check out the quality of the rings. As he was appraising them, I kept telling him that they weren’t expensive and that my husband had bought them on the internet. He didn’t believe me and kept trying to figure out their worth.
Then we sat down and I was the only one who ordered a drink – which was a martini. I needed a straw and my uncle had two straws on his plate. One was short and the other was tall. I took the tall one and drank my martini in one gulp. Then his young wife told me that she had put my uncle on a strict diet – but let him have a small amount of butter – rather than the slabs he used to pile on his food.
Later on – I was walking back up the stairs when I saw a snooty baby with his mother, who was pushing a shopping cart which had a big, empty box in it. The baby was crawling around and when I tried to pick him up he became fussy and tried to avoid me. The mother then asked me to help her find a place to put the empty box, so I showed her a closet and she started trying to stuff it in the upper shelf. As she did this, I went to the baby and eventually persuaded him to let me pick him up. Then he stopped being so snooty and wanted to be carried somewhere.
THEMES: Money, extravagance, public persona, weight/health, appearances, new ventures.
SYMBOLS: Stairs, resort hotel, alcohol, straws, pants down, rings, butter, box, closet
EMOTIONS: Pride, frugality, lack of concern, battle of wits, wanting to be natural
ARCHETYPES: Baby, Mother, Father, Uncle, Husband, Young woman
INTERPRETATION: I got the sense that my attitude during the dream was one of nonchalance – not caring what others thought of me. It could easily indicate how I’ve been feeling with my public persona and putting myself out there – trying to develop a thicker skin. The expensive resort and hotel (if representing the Mansion of the Soul) – could be how others’ see me and my current situation, in regards to becoming a published author, etc. (Especially my family.) It’s funny how people expect that as soon as you’re published – you’re rich!
That would explain my uncle worrying about my rings and how much they cost. Rings usually represent a bond between people, and one of them was my engagement ring. My husband was with me but wasn’t fussed about anything that happened. He’s usually a great support and is not the type to worry about my writing, promoting etc. It was the other males – particularly my uncle – who were overly concerned about how I was acting and how much I was spending. As my animus – my uncle probably denotes the masculine side to me that does worry – which would be true – as I have been concerned about how much it can cost when marketing and promoting my book and business. (I have been more careful lately – scaling back and finding cheap, free or unique ways of advertising.)
The fact that my uncle was thinner and even younger – could indicate how I’ve been more careful with my eating habits lately. Having a younger wife was a bit confusing – although she could represent the side of me that is concerned about the way I look. When she mentioned butter, it made me think of excess and luxury – and again – to be careful, not only with my fiances but also my health. (I have also been lamenting getting older lately!)
Choosing the marble stairs over the old carpeted stairs is pretty obvious. I didn’t want the safe option – or the comfortable, well worn path. I wanted the new, risky and glamorous path! It was ironic that even though I was using the ritzy stairs – my pants were halfway down – baring my butt – and I didn’t care. I am striving for a new way of life – but wanting to maintain my true self – warts and all! (Rest assured – I don’t have warts!) Going bra-less could also mean that I won’t be shackled by other’s expectations. The wild-woman side of me was saying, “I can have my cake and eat it too!”
Having the martini when no one else was drinking, shows how I can tend to be a little over the top – and maybe denotes how I am willing to step out and take a risk when others are being more careful. Reaching for the longer straw – rather than the shorter straw, shows how I don’t want to just settle for less anymore. However – the longer straw wouldn’t fit in my glass and I had difficulty drinking – but I did it. I remember thinking that the shorter straw would have been better – but my greed (and possibly – my ego) got the better of me. But after I sucked the drink up – I was happy that I had done so.
Going up the stairs to the mother and baby – shows that, in the end – I should not forget the important things in life when I “rise to the top”. The snooty baby symbolizes myself and my attitude with my new ventures – or – fear of being ignored or dismissed. I want to make sure that as I’m getting older – I’m still viable and worthy of attention. The mother kept distracting me by asking for my assistance with the empty box. Maybe she signified a side to me that worries about it all being for nothing? Trying to stash the empty box in a closet showed a possible concern over wasted effort. When the baby finally took to me and wanted to be taken somewhere – it showed how a new venture really wants to get off the ground.
SUMMARY: I need to remember balance when “putting myself out there.” Sometimes the well-worn path is the right one, but it doesn’t hurt to tread on new ground and see what happens – as new opportunities may arise. I need to stop worrying about how other’s perceive me – but at the same time – to be cautious in regards to how I present myself, in case it comes back to bite me. Baring my ass – is a pun – but is also literal. I can be authentic and natural – to a degree. Again – caution is a big message in this dream – however it doesn’t hurt for me to go 50-50. As in previous dreams, steady as she goes – but calculated risks are fine – as long as they’re calculated!
Dream Blogging – Pants down
I had this dream last night. First – I was in the building across from my work, and I knew that I had to get back there, but something was holding me back. I remember feeling that I didn’t have to return to work – and even though there was a sense that I ought to return – the possibility of exploring the new building was overpowering.
Then I was in someone’s home and needed to pee. The house was a little messy or haphazard – with things everywhere – and the rooms were disjointed and confusing. I was finally told where the toilet was and when I entered the room – it was a combination of a bedroom and toilet. It belonged to a young man who was playing video games in the corner, close to the door. I was embarrassed to go in and do my business – but I had to go, so I went over and pulled my pants down, then sat down on the toilet and started peeing.
I was worried that the young man would turn around and see me – but he didn’t seem to care. Then a door next to the toilet opened and a middle aged woman started coming in – but I tried to tell her that I wasn’t finished. She also didn’t seem to care – but I was embarrassed and wanted to finish so I could get out.
THEMES: Exposure, being discovered, decisions, lack of privacy.
SYMBOLS: Work, toilet, half-naked, urination, games, small and strange rooms/house.
EMOTIONS: Desire to run away, indecisiveness, embarrassment, annoyance.
ARCHETYPES: Young man, Middle aged woman.
INTERPRETATION: In regards to the first scene, the idea of not wanting to go back to work is obvious. As I am trying to build a ‘career’ with my writing and Numerology business, I’m finding it increasingly annoying to have to keep going through the motions and working a 9-5 job, when all I want to do is be creative and focus on what I really enjoy doing. (Don’t we all?!) So, hiding in the building across the street from my workplace – trying to decide whether to go back or not – indicates the internal battle that rages inside me. I have to work to pay the bills – a steady job. It takes up most of my time, when I could be spending all my time on my writing and other interests.
Being in a strange house with strange rooms could represent how I feel with the promoting and marketing of my book. Trying to navigate my way around all the daunting elements of promoting my book and business is confusing, time consuming and sometimes frustrating. Trying to find a place to pee signifies the side of me that just wants to let go and be myself. Urinating also symbolizes getting rid of refuse. Not being able to find a suitable place to do so could represent my annoyance with trying to get things in order and be who I want to be.
We’ve all had the naked in public dreams, and they usually symbolize our fear of being ‘found out’ – or our true natures being discovered. Sitting on the toilet, as the young man showed absolutely no interest (aside from the fact that I was a stranger peeing in his room!) – might indicate how I feel about revealing my soul in public when no one seems to care. When the woman came in and also seemed uninterested in what I was doing – it didn’t alleviate my embarrassment with being caught with my pants down. I was annoyed that she didn’t listen to me, so it rang true for me – in regards to my book taking so long to get off the ground. (Three people have actually paid for it – at a measly $3.95 – and 69 others have downloaded it for free. I have one great review – from a stranger – with 5 stars. Every author understands how frustrating it is – especially when you’re self published!)
The young man could also be my animus – signifying the side of me who just wants to do what I want to do and not be bothered with anyone else! The fact that he was playing games symbolizes how I feel about all this. I sometimes feel that I’m just ‘playing’ and should get back to working a ‘normal’ job. The woman could represent my apparent flippancy regarding how I am putting myself out there.
SUMMARY: Pretty much summarizes how I feel about trying to forge ahead with my writing etc. I am revealing a hell of a lot about myself with the process of promoting and marketing – which is refreshing and frightening at the same time. I want to connect with people – especially my readers, and that means sharing myself. Maybe the dream was trying to tell me to be more discriminating about what and how I share. (Funny – as I’m here writing about my dreams and peeing!)
I feel – sometimes – that no one cares, but it’s not true. I have great feedback – mostly from strangers, although I’d like some people who are close to me to show more interest. Maybe it’s my subconscious expressing my fear of being irrelevant – baring my soul to an invisible or uncaring audience?