How exciting to be placed at Number 2 in Ezvid’s wiki list:
10 Enthralling Fantasy Novels by Australian Authors!
Here’s the verbiage they used for Delwyn of the Realms:
“In the #2 position is Kelly Proudfoot’s “Delwyn of the Realms.” Delwyn, who has the ability to astral travel, has always existed between two worlds. This mysterious power has taken its toll, and after her marriage breaks down, she goes to her aunt’s house in the country to recuperate. While there, she discovers a magical mirror that allows her to enter the world of dreams. Now Delwyn must navigate her secret adventures in dreamland as well as an increasingly tempestuous waking life.”
See the book trailer here
They also have info on Fantasy themed activities and a
Ted talk about why Fantasy matters.
Update re: The Storming Archives!
I have been working on the final book in the series: Soul Storm for several years and hope to have it done by 2020 – so stay tuned and be prepared for an even wilder ride!
When depression slides into the dark realm of suicidal thoughts, the secrets deepen.
The process of withdrawal into the safety of the personal interior began in the distant past and the idea of self-annihilation pushes you further into the abyss.
Therein lies the dichotomy. On the one hand, there’s the deep yearning for understanding and compassion, while on the other hand, there’s shame, confusion and the desire to shield your secrets from prying eyes.
Those eyes belong to the ones who shake their heads in disbelief, disgust and disdain.
The ones who either have no idea about what it’s like to fall into the hidden and hopeless chasm or who are so afraid of being sucked into the vortex that they resort to ridicule in order to keep a safe distance.
Even when someone takes the time to try and understand, it takes a small forcing to share those dark thoughts, which are usually sanitized and censored.
There’s so much that begs to be revealed, but to utter those black pearls means to bring the subterranean tentacles to the surface.
How do you share the concept of losing the will to live to those who only want life for you? How do you explain the way the horrors of the world plague your thoughts at night or how nothing holds any delight, pleasure or happiness like they did before?
What can you say, when only a void filled with the ghosts of tumbleweeds and a lonely, howling wind come to mind – blocking all the fulsome things you want to convey?
In the depths, the only thoughts swirling around are the ones that remind you that nothing matters. In the scheme of things, we’re all distracting ourselves to avoid the inevitable. No matter what, we all die.
It doesn’t matter how many pills we take or how much effort we put into preserving what we call our lives. Time marches on until we slip away into the darkness and for some of us, the dark reaches out to greet us beforehand.
It’s a taste of things to come.
Try telling that to someone who tries in vain to impress on you that it all matters; that you have a duty to keep on going for the sake of others, if not for yourself. Like trained monkeys, they beseech that you have to get back on the horse, keep your chin up and get back into it.
If nothing else, it’s to make them feel better themselves, not necessarily to help you deal with your darkness.
However, one question is hard for the depressive to ignore: Why choose to focus on doom and gloom when it’s just as arbitrary to focus on joy and light?
If focusing on joy and light is only a distraction from our inevitable demise, then surely the act of focusing on doom and gloom is only a distraction from our possible liberation from darkness?
It’s all about choice.
What do we choose to dwell on, when both avenues are equal distractions? Are both points of view equally valid? Were the Buddhists right when they advised to find the Middle Way?
Depression and thoughts of suicide are like Venus fly traps; dripping with the blood of their victims. They hold us in their cold, black hands – clenched and slimy – blocking the light and clouding our vision.
This is a place where hope is crippled. Any promise of escape is blocked by the heavy drapes of despair, loneliness and self-loathing.
Why not wrench them apart and bathe in the shards of light?
Why choose to wallow in the pit, when the lightness of the soul begs to soar?
Like riding blindfolded on an upside-down see-saw, the only way out is to let go and fly.
To sink is to fail.
Trying to find the missing piece of writing for my last chapter for the Parallel Portals – which is driving me batty. In the meantime I’m having a grey day so if you’re not in the mood for a downer, don’t read my angry rant! I decided to get back into some poetry to take a break. If I can’t find the piece I’m looking for then I’ll have to rewrite from memory, so I hope to have the final chapter (for book one at least) soon.
Here’s my rant/poem/whatever it is!
Oscillating between Bodhisattva and Hungry Ghost while the guilt demons weave in and out of this wretched soul. Throwing into the mix: an assortment of overwrought piety, anxiety and regret to complete the tangled mess.
Sidestepping this monster every now and then, I become the dutiful wife with a beautiful life; earnestly striving to maintain the façade and going through the motions. Obsessing about unnecessary details, wasting time making lists and planning for events which rarely eventuate.
All this to evade the internal monsters, while projecting the angel who is oh so concerned, helpful, compassionate and mostly trite.
All the lost souls ask, “What is the meaning of life?” There are only two possible answers to this pointless question: to create a meaningful life – or – there is no meaning. The latter is to say, we are an evolutionary mistake; a blight on the earth, teeming like maggots as we destroy the world and each other.
I say this with a mind full of despair at growing older; therefore – some would rest assured that this is my motivation for such darkness. Anger at the ever-encroaching demise which looms on the horizon like a black hole. All levels of existence rely on the state of mind over matter. If I maintain a sunny disposition, then my life will be a happy one.
This veneer of positivity is a cruel trick. The world is on fire and we fiddle like Nero. We smile, laugh and joke our way through life to fend off the inevitable doom; turning a blind eye to chaos and horror. Good luck the activist spirit, which hopes against hope that all the protests and petitions will shift the paradigms.
It’s easy to gnash your teeth against the world, but much harder to grin and bear it. Has it all been for naught? As long as one soul destroys another – in my mind – there is no hope.
Hope wrings its hands together and prays a futile prayer to the empty ether. All is as it’s always been: a swarming, writhing comedy of errors. While catering to the lower self, humans take their souls to a dark place; rarely elevating their acts to the level of holiness.
The donkey is always there, no matter how hard we strain for nirvana. This is the inevitable fact. We are material beings with scant understanding of the immaterial world – if it exists at all.
Doubt and hope occupy the same side of the coin. Both are empty, even though they materialize as the impetus for change. Sadly, psychological imperatives and motivations fall short of completing the task. This is the same whether the micro or the macro; as a whole or as an individual, we cannot ensure that everyone is on the same page.
Evolution drags its knuckles while the cancer eats away at our planet. What was the point of a “higher consciousness” for humans?
Did the Christians have it right when they said that to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree of knowledge would be the downfall of humankind? Would it have been better to have remained as an animal or an obedient slave to an invisible god?
We can try to prove our greatness by pointing to great works of art, scientific discovery and philosophical thought. Where has that taken us? While the earth burns under the feet of ignorant, greedy and savage humans; while children and animals are starved and abused, we continue marching towards the greatest lie – that we will be redeemed and rewarded.
As everything stands right now in my mind’s eye – there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
Let’s say that miraculously – tomorrow – everything changes from disaster to joy and peace. If a god or an alien were to come along and wave a magic wand or point a laser-beam – repairing the whole world and changing the inhabitants to angelic beings – what would it be like?
Would life have meaning then? Would some of us become bored with the status quo?
If I break that down to focus only on my own state of mind, would I find peace?
I try to surround myself with good experiences and positive people. I try to generate only happiness and do my best not to react negatively to those who are “less evolved” than I assume I am. I go with the motions, putting one foot ahead of the other and try to make time to create; to write. I find myself wondering about who will care – if anyone at all.
Does it matter? Probably not. Even if I write to only make myself happy, I still feel like a two-dimensional drone. Why am I posting this? Maybe to see if I’m the only drone who feels this way.
I guess I’ll keep dragging my knuckles and see what happens.
Source: Chapter 10 – Revolving Portals
Read Chapter 10 in my free fantasy series! (18+)
Pauline was so apprehensive about what would be waiting for her in the depths of the dark ocean, she didn’t notice the strange sensation in her solar plexus. Marna gripped her hand tightly and she in turn gripped the wrist of the Viking merman, but when a mysterious, blue glow appeared above them, she found herself floating upwards; no longer in the mermaid’s body.
Once again in spirit form, she saw her Oversoul appear inside the dark bubble as a wisp of smoke. He soon shifted into human form and Pauline became unnerved by the look of alarm on his face.
“Doelanda, there is no time. Even though I am not supposed to assist you I must let you know that Joledo has infiltrated the portals.”
Pauline was still getting used to being called Doelanda, but this new name had her confused.
The Oversoul floated closer, after looking up…
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Check out the next installment in my fantasy series: Pauline and the Parallel Portals – Chapter 7 – The Prism
Courtesy of Sotheby’s © Frank Jeffrey Edson Smart “The Road”
Doeliana chose to have her daily blood bath in seclusion and isolation. Even Jonar and the High Priestess could wait. She recognized that someone was talking to her but still had no idea who or what it was. Pauline continued to reside inside Doeliana’s mind like a pinprick in this emanation’s consciousness; where she observed, experienced and absorbed all the sensations and imagery. By now, her memory banks and sensorial reactors (and inhibitors) continued to wage war within her.
Pauline had grown accustomed to feeling like a twin-soul inside other bodies but felt that she would never get used to the blood lust that pulsed from deep inside Doeliana’s belly. She continued to be dazzled by the interiors of this golden pyramid. The bathing room had bronzed walls and everything was dark and mysterious. There were many strange plants lined…
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Read Chapter Six – A Dark Emanation – in my weekly fantasy series. Warning: Graphic content – 18+
(Warning: Graphic Content – Recommended Age 18+)
What frightened Pauline about this emanation was how – once again – she was like a prisoner inside another body. As Julie in the 1950’s (back on Earth) she was still able to control her movements. She was also horrified with the cold, dark thoughts projecting from this mind. Even though she was enjoying the physical sensations of the warm wind against her mostly bare skin and the muscular strength – the ravenous taste for blood was taking center stage.
She heard the caws from the ravens and the ruffling feathers, like all the sounds in this world were so clear that it was more lucid than any vivid dream or any visceral experience she’d had in her real body. It seemed like an eon ago when she’d been in Melbourne, sipping a delicious Cappuccino at the market with Jon. Her emotions were…
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Read Chapter 5 of my weekly fantasy series!
In the darkness of the Hexascan, Pauline felt the blue energy waves rolling over her and the buzzing of electrical pulses feeding into what looked like millions of cells within the walls. The cells remained illuminated with a bright, golden light for a second until the energy moved on from cell to cell, creating a honeycomb pattern rolling continuously.
She heard a voice reporting outside the Hexascan – assuming that it was feeding back to the cyborgs and the Overlord.
“Parasitic entity interfacing with host Doela 9. Human consciousness detected. Female Earthling via unknown portal. Requesting permission to eradicate parasite.”
Pauline started screaming, but a pulse from the blue waves shut the body down once more. Now she felt a double-whammy of claustrophobia – being trapped inside the cyborg body at the same time that she was trapped in the Hexascan.
Then she heard the Overlord’s booming voice from the…
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Read Chapter 3 of Pauline and the Parallel Portals – a weekly fantasy series with time travel, alternate worlds and much more!
Pauline took another sip of her tea and noticed how everything – inside and out – felt foreign to her. The way she licked her lips, smirked before she smiled, held her cigarette and tossed her long hair, were movements that seemed to be orchestrated by a program unknown to her own memories and impulses. Even though she had her own thoughts, she started to notice strange images, impulses and ideas swimming around her brain.
She realized that she was oscillating between her own imperatives and the motivations that came from somewhere within – something hidden – yet obviously known by this body. She felt like an invading entity in a shell that still maintained cellular memory. Then Gary jolted her out of her daze.
“You know, I have to be honest and let you know that I think you’ve either had a psychotic break again or someone really did…
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A weekly fantasy series with time travel, alternate universes,
reincarnation and much more!
Read Chapter Two – Beat Incarnation – in my new fantasy series
Pauline kept hugging herself defensively while she glanced this way and that, trying to figure out if she was hallucinating or dreaming. The laughter in the cafe soon died down and the man who had asked why she’d stopped dancing had a puzzled look on his face.
It took another minute for her to realize that she felt different, apart from the dizziness and confusion. With her arms across her chest, she noticed that her breasts were slightly bigger and crammed into a stiff bra, which pushed them up and out at a sharp angle.
She was also a few inches shorter and she felt light on her feet. When she looked down she saw that she was wearing different clothes and shoes. She detected lipstick on her mouth – which she had stopped wearing years ago, in favor of lip gloss. She could also detect heavy mascara. When she…
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Chapter One of the ongoing serial “Pauline and the Parallel Portals.”
Source: Chapter One – Meet the Warbanks
From Fantasy to Romance to Erotica –
get all my books Free (Kindle Editions) for a limited time!
My new contemporary romance – Juneau Dreaming – will be out very, very soon!
(I know we’re not allowed to use the word “very” but I don’t like being told what to do, so – there’s that!)
Stay tuned for news about the release of Juneau Dreaming. It’s a novel about a young woman called Lilith, who loses her parents in a freak accident and decides to pack up and relocate to Juneau, Alaska.
Wanting to start afresh in a new place with a new job, she doesn’t count on having to deal with two men – essentially polar opposites – as well as her kaleidoscope of emotions that weave throughout the story.
Lilith’s dreams guide her through her new life as her grief threatens to propel her into fleeing once again. Will she overcome the tidal wave of emotions so she can settle into the wonderful community of friends and her new family?
Can she effectively choose between the reserved and moody Lachlan and the charming and earnest Stephan – or should she stay true to her initial conviction of staying single, since her fiance left her on the day of her parent’s funeral?
Juneau Dreaming is a romance filled with wonderful characters, magical imagery and a journey that leads a woman from the depths of despair to a promising life where the healing can truly begin.
Prepare for “A Feast in the Forest” – my cookbook for The Willow Lake Group!
(To be written from the POV of Sondra – one of the main characters!)
Recipes, photos, art and poetry –
as well as a few magical tips from the Hedgewitch herself!
Delwyn is in the center – clockwise from the top:
Prem-Luss (Planet-headed – two characters in one!), Purrsula (the cat-headed warrior), Drade (computer program entity), Fleat (feathered Stormer with a deadly Third-Eye) and Varun (half-man, half-seahorse and Guardian of the Dreamworld.)
Here’s the Book Trailer:
In a better head-space lately but still feeling like I’m spinning my wheels and going nowhere, however – I think I finally found the fantasy genre my writing falls into. It took me a long time to find the one that feels right – wading through many sub-genres that became more and more confusing. Apparently new ones are added every year!
I have a Goodreads Giveaway currently running – for my erotic novel “The Ninth Window.”
I’d like more reviews – so if anyone wants a free copy in return for an honest review on Amazon – please let me know. I currently only have two – as different as chalk and cheese. I love the first one – but the second one left me baffled and annoyed.
“This is a story with several other stories nested within – each very different from the others. The book has a really fresh premise. I liked the writing style, and appreciated the fact that it was nicely edited and proofread.
It’s difficult for me to review this without including any spoilers. I can say that every story within the book is really sexy (although Chapter Six was my least favorite.) The ending was really unexpected. An overall enjoyable erotic novella – one of the best I’ve read lately.”
(I was very happy with this review and didn’t expect to hear why the reader didn’t enjoy Chapter Six. With erotica, it’s even more so about personal preferences. If he had said that Chapter Six was slow or ill-fitting – I would’ve understood – although the fact that it was about a woman dominating a man could’ve had something to do with it. Still – it was an honest and unsolicited review – which I was very grateful for.)
(This stumped me. I don’t know what the reader expected and would’ve liked to have heard why they thought it wasn’t interesting – but then – everyone’s entitled to their opinion. I’d like to say that at least I’m happy they bought the book and “took their time” writing a two word review. What baffles me is that they still gave it two stars. One star would’ve been more aligned with their comment. Oh well!)
Here’s something exciting! I’ll be interviewed by the lovely hosts of the Deadly Reads show – Linda L. Barton and Lisa Vandiver – on Blog Talk Radio this coming Thursday night! These ladies are also authors – so check out their work! (Deadly Reads also offer author services.)
I received a great review on Goodreads for “Portal Stormer” – Book 2 in The Storming Archives!
And finally – my contemporary romance (if that’s the right genre – see the reviews below the Ad!) “The Willow Lake Group” will be available for free (Kindle Edition) on Amazon from Monday to Friday next week!
Vicki also reviewed the Audiobook on Audible:
*If you’d like a free Audible code for “The Willow Lake Group” – in return for an honest review – let me know!
If you’re interested in my upcoming Fantasy/Horror novel “City of Gargoyles” – which includes living gargoyles and flying zombies – watch it unfold here:
If you feel so inclined – vote for it!
I know that some authors see these kinds of websites/services as predatory. I’ve read articles where it was stated that some sites trick fledgling authors into submitting their work, only to fish for free content – and I am wary of this nefarious element. I tried posting “City of Gargoyles” on WriteOn (an Amazon service) – where you can get feedback as you write – but it seems to be a dead end. I just wanted to try the “show as you go” routine for the development of a novel, so – we’ll see.
I’ll be updating my Shapeshifting blog – where I’ll be talking about my temporary departure from healthy living – due to becoming a full-time, Freelance Author! (Notwithstanding my “dark night of the soul” routine – where I took a nosedive and am still clawing my way out of it!)
So – lastly – an update on being a freelance author. Apart from a few regular clients and some interesting jobs, it’s incredibly annoying when you have to chase them for payment! From students who want their homework done to big projects – these clients have made my foray into the world of freelancing a pain in the butt. Fair enough – it’s usually the bigger jobs that pay the most – but just like the business world, they take their time to pay.
I’ve been getting awesome feedback and steady work (including ghostwriting ebooks, screenplays, memoirs and data entry etc.) I’m still trying to develop a workable structure – but my time is operating on another plane of existence. I could be writing (as I am now) well into the wee hours of the morning. Night is day and day is night. What I’m struggling with is juggling my own writing with the freelance work. Hopefully I’ll strike a good balance soon!
Finally – to close this post – here’s a series of fun visuals to illustrate the ups and downs of being a Freelance Author!
Till next time – take it easy!
I haven’t posted for a while – on any of my blogs. I felt bad for it – but I felt worse for not writing my own stuff – being bogged down in freelance work. Then I felt bad for feeling bad – as I should be grateful that I had the opportunity to leave my full time job to be a writer. I am grateful – and my husband is a saint for encouraging me to do so. I couldn’t complain to him about my internal predicament. Getting the flu in between and going down for the count didn’t help any.
I then found myself plunging into a strange fog which I am still trying to fight my way out of. I became immersed in a spiraling whirlpool – doing my best to grasp onto whatever debris or beams of light that showed up here and there. They slipped out of my hands so quickly that I wondered if they existed at all. My dreams have been intense – and hopeful. When I get the chance I’ll post them on my Collective Unconscious blog.
I also veered away from my Shapeshifting blog – neglecting to chronicle my “progress” on healthy living. I’ve been sleeping a lot and doing my best to drag myself to the computer every day to complete my freelance writing wherever possible. One thing I know for sure is that – for the most part – this fog or “crisis” has to do with my impending 50th birthday in September. I am not happy about it – at all. It’s not so much the fact that I’m ageing – but rather that I’m losing time.
My identity has become a mist, or a vapor that has no form. All that I projected about who I thought I was and what I was doing has cleared to reveal the truth. There is nothing. I am nothing. Nothing matters. It’s all pretend. We keep on kicking along just to save face – to make ourselves feel that it’s all – somehow – worth it. Worth the struggle. One day we’ll get there. But where is that? And who says that it’s “somewhere” – the destination we’ve been working towards?
It seems to be a collective grudging towards the only definite element in life: death. I don’t even know what that is – or what it means. The ceasing to be. That sounds awful – and I’m sorry to be so down. Please don’t let it infect you. If anything – I’m writing this out to chronicle my dark patch. I see myself posting tweets etc about my novels – begging for people to buy my books, blah blah blah. It seems so pointless. The emptiness is swallowing me up – but I have to write about it. I have to “sublimate” it – in order to make sense of what is happening to me. Maybe it might help someone else out there – or maybe they can help me.
I stopped writing last night – due to plummeting further downwards. I could see that I wasn’t doing myself any good, even though I thought at the beginning that writing about my “malaise” would make me feel better. I went to bed – with the start of a panic attack looming on the horizon. I was breathing shallow and on the verge of tears that wouldn’t come. I got into bed and focused on my breathing – in a kind of forced meditation. After about half an hour I fell asleep.
When in the clutches of despair, it’s important to remember just to breathe. The only thing in the world that matters is breathing – at that point. I told myself that – if nothing else in the universe mattered – breathing was all I could do. The knowledge that everything would make sense – eventually – kept me going, even though the thoughts in the back of my mind kept bubbling to the surface from time to time. Thoughts such as: “what’s the point?” or “what then?” as well as “I’m just prolonging the obvious.”
I pushed them away and continued breathing. I dreamed about having different cars. First – a red one – which I parked seamlessly in a tight spot. Twice. I amazed myself. Then I had a blue convertible. It was under a dirty blanket and I had to tell a friend to keep her son from playing in it. Then I had a huge, thick branch of marijuana buds. Each bud was intricately wrapped in foil. I wanted to smoke it but people kept showing up so I had to stash it somewhere. Then I woke up.
There are a lot of symbols and related meanings which I will explore in my Collective Unconscious blog soon. The main messages I take from the dream include reserved energy, hiding depressive thoughts and the desire to lose myself. Today I’m getting myself in gear. I have decided to create a roster or weekly agenda for myself. I need order and direction – to pave my way out of this crisis. I’ll post an update later in the week.
I took some photos of myself last night – in an attempt to preserve whatever fading looks I think I might have before I hit 50. I used some photo editing and filters – but for the most part – it’s me. They make me laugh – now.
When I’m feeling like this – I have to remind myself that there are others in the world who are living wretched lives. They would do anything to have a fraction of what I have. Therefore – it seems that I have no right to complain or feel depressed. But what is that thought supposed to do – comfort me? Isn’t that wrong? Does pulling myself up by the bootstraps help them any? Do I owe it to the less fortunate to live a fulfilled life? Isn’t that rubbing their noses in my fortunate life?
What is humbling is the huge smiles on their faces – in the middle of a war zone or filthy, hopeless conditions. The fact that they can make the most of a horrible situation; that they can find the silver lining. Clean water or peace would mean the world to them. In my little corner of the world – I do have access to clean water, a peaceful home and food. I should be grateful. My own mind is the enemy.
Time to whip it into shape.
I had finished reading the book and then about a week later I was able to listen to the Willow Lake Group from Audible. I realized that it might bring the story to a new level. I already had pictures of the characters in my head, now I would have voices to go with them. The story was filled with love, friendship, obsession, and secrets. When the narrator took on the voices with such skill it was amazing. It did indeed bring it to a new level. It was wonderful to hear.
Kelly Proudfoot has written a beautiful story about a group of people that meet to read poetry and each person in the group was as different as they could be. When Gavin and Liam came into town, having only met on the train…
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The Willow Lake Group by Kelly Proudfoot My rating: 5 of 5 stars It is hard to categorize this as a romance, or chick lit, it is really just a beautifully told story of a group of people that forme…
Read my first review for my novel The Willow Lake Group!
It is hard to categorize this as a romance, or chick lit, it is really just a beautifully told story of a group of people that formed a bond. A wonderful heartfelt bond. They met at different times in their lives and formed a group. They welcomed Gavin and Liam into the group when they arrived in town.
The characters are so well formed, I can see them vividly in my mind sitting around the room chatting and teasing and falling in love. I can see their faces when they participate in poetry readings and while enjoying a day at the fair. Kelly Proudfoot has created a community filled with eccentrics, beauties, reformed bad boys and people with secrets.
When they invited in Liam and Gavin to participate they opened themselves to hurt and happiness. Both men…
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