Here’s the link to my ebook on Amazon – $3.95:
Here’s the link to the books’ website:
http://www.delwynoftherealms.com/
and here’s my Author website:
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Dream Blogging – Sweeping
I had this dream this morning – strangely I don’t remember what else happened in it. I was back in Adelaide (Australia) – at my son’s place – at the end of a long, dark hallway. I was sweeping sand out the front door, and it didn’t matter how methodical I was – I couldn’t get rid of all the sand. Every time I looked behind me, there were still small mounds of sand. When I became aggressive with my sweeping, I saw that there was still a fine layer of sand still on the floor.
I remember thinking about the futility of it; that no matter what, people would still be dragging in more sand – on their shoes and clothes – but I kept on sweeping regardless. Then I was in a grocery store – in the refrigerated aisle – when I saw a black man (the bus driver who takes me to work every day!), up on a ladder and cleaning out the grime and grease from some machinery in the ceiling.
He was using his fingers to clear out the filth in the grooves and little shelves in the compartment. I asked him to stop and put some gloves on, as he could make himself sick. He just looked down at me – smiling and shaking his head – then continued doing it. I was worried about him transferring the filth to his mouth, but he wouldn’t listen to me.
THEME: Cleaning and sweeping, Concern, Futility.
SYMBOLS: Broom, sand, hallway, door, supermarket, ladder, dirt.
EMOTIONS: Concern, frustration.
ARCHETYPES: Man
INTERPRETATION: Cleaning and sweeping represent a desire to clear away old debris; clearing a path, putting things in order, correcting a mistake or problem, desire to reveal what’s underneath. The Buddhists say that cleaning your Dharma mirror (or whatever you’re cleaning) – means that you are sorting out your crap, basically – paving your way to enlightenment in order to reach Nirvana.
I was using a straw broom – which is a symbol of domesticity. It’s also a symbol for witches. (I have been a Hedgewitch for a long time!) Maybe it could mean that I have to use another method for sorting out my crap – or even – that the methods I’m using are not working? Sand can be symbolic of many things. In this dream I was in Adelaide (my son lives near the beach) – and it could be regarding my relationship with him – or being away from Australia. Clearing out past mistakes, paving a way back home, or reconstructing how I feel about my family.
Sand – and the shore – can be thought of as a threshold to other worlds, as they border the ocean. A grain of sand in an hourglass represents the sands of time. I know that I have a deep desire to turn the clock back – as the theme of aging has been prominent in my life lately. Turning around and seeing more sand behind me – tells me that no matter what – it will always be there. That’s where the futility re: continuing the process of getting rid of it comes in.
A hallway symbolizes an avenue to somewhere. In the Mansion of the Soul analogy – it represents a path to somewhere – or a holding/waiting area, that led to a door to the outside. Sweeping the sand out the front door – from the hallway – might show that I dither about, wasting time in a holding pattern – when I should move on and forget about what I can’t change.
A supermarket is a public place where you go to purchase sustenance. Probably representing my public persona – or how I deal with the public? A ladder has many connotations – such as – moving up the ladder (the man was at the top); bad luck for the superstitious; a portal or passage to another dimension etc. The man – as animus – could symbolize the masculine part of myself. The fact that he was black does not escape me. I have an Aboriginal (also Chinese, Welsh and French) heritage – so maybe that hints at my background or ‘native’ sense of self.
He ignored me and laughed when I showed concern for getting his fingers dirty. This could mean that I have a tendency to put myself in dangerous situations – blithely unaware that I could be doing myself harm. It could also be telling me to stop worrying about the small details – or even shying away from the dirty jobs in my life. As I’ve recently been sick – it could be telling me to stop being ignorant in regards to my health. This is a common theme for me lately!
SUMMARY: I need to stop worrying about things I can’t change – and start worrying about the things I can change! Again – putting the past behind me and to accept that time is marching on. I need to take more risks – being careful in the process. I need to stop procrastinating and try different methods for the evolution of my psyche. In order to properly integrate, I need to accept what is and work on what isn’t. Time to move on and be brave.
Dream Blogging – Gang of Animals
I had this dream yesterday – but was so tired last night after work – so I’m posting it late!
In the dream, I was walking down a road on an overcast day. I saw a gang of animals heading towards me on the footpath. There was a dog (pitbull), some cats and a strange, floating pinecone with an owl’s face peering out of the front. (The pinecone was horizontal, flying low.) It was a fantasy creature obviously – but in the dream I was mystified – trying to find out what kind of creature it was.
One of the cats was white with ginger patches. It had a large paper bag attached to one of its’ back legs – as though it had worn the bag for pants, but had stepped out of one of the leg holes. The leg was poking out of the other side of the bag – and was bloodied and broken. When I got closer to try and help it, I noticed that it was distressed – but it kept floating along with the other animals.
The dog seemed protective of the cat – but at first I thought that it was responsible for the cat’s injuries. Then I realized that the cat had been in a car accident and that it was quite old. When I tried to pick the cat up – it felt like a bag of bones. It purred when I petted it and I tried to help – but I wondered if the purring was just a stress reaction. I decided to follow it home to see if I could alert the owner and once we got to its’ house – the owner showed up.
She was an older hippy woman who pulled up in an old, white car that was beaten up and neglected. There were dirty, stuffed animals along the back window of the car. She was concerned about the cat – who was now lying on the grass in the front yard – waiting to be attended to.
THEME: Concern, dealings with animals, travelling, old and beaten up.
SYMBOLS: Cat, Dog, Strange creatures, road, car, stuffed animals, paper bag, injuries.
EMOTIONS: Concern, compassion, confusion.
ARCHETYPES: Old woman, animals.
INTERPRETATION: Some of this was obvious to me – as I’ve said in my previous dream interpretation – I’ve been feeling old and beat up lately! Walking down the road in the middle of the day – travelling through middle age. (The road was sloping slightly downwards.) The animals coming towards me represent various elements of my psyche wanting to be analyzed – or the process of the integrated self. For example: the dog was in good health but had a twinge of pink on its’ nose – hence the reason why I’d thought it had bitten the cat’s leg.
The other cats were fine – ambling along – but the old, injured cat represents how I’ve been feeling of late. I don’t know if it was jet lag or a virus – but I’ve been very tired for the last couple of weeks and have had strange symptoms – such as sore hips, stiff joints and glands swelling up. I think the flimsy bag on the cat’s leg symbolizes my haphazard attempts at taking care of myself! I try to soldier on and tell everyone that I’m fine when I’m not – for fear of appearing old and feeble.
The pinecone owl stumped me at first – but then I realized that it represented the mystical or spiritual side of myself that I’m still trying to understand. The pinecone symbolizes seeds spent – therefore old age. (I’m not dead yet – at 48!!) The owl is a nocturnal animal – so am I. It also represents wisdom and secret worlds – so maybe the fact that it was half-pinecone means that I’m entering the realm of the crone. (It’s funny – as I’ve always loved pine trees and owls!)
I think the lady also represents myself. The car symbolizes how I travel through life. (Roughshod and breakneck – sometimes!) The stuffed animals in the back window could symbolize aspects of myself that have taken a back seat – or have been neglected.
SUMMARY: Again – to slow down and take care of myself – but also, to acknowledge the hidden aspects of my true self. I need to accept getting older and rejoice in this new phase. I have been leaning away from spirituality over the past few fears – towards atheism. Maybe the mystical realms don’t have to be necessarily attached to a religion per se. Nonetheless – I have been feeling the lack of connection to that side of myself. Time to explore!
Dream Blogging – Thwarted
This is the first dream to be posted for interpretation. I’ve called it “Thwarted” – as that’s pretty much the whole theme of the dream. Even though I’m usually very good with being on time – even ridiculously early – being late is a common theme for me, in my dreams. Probably because I hate being late!
I was staying at an old woman’s place in Australia and had left with my grandson to catch a plane back to the U.S. My grandson – Leon – is four years old, and he was decked out like he was going on an expedition! He looked like an intrepid traveler, dressed in khaki and carrying his little bag. As we were walking up the driveway (it was night time) – I realized that I didn’t have my luggage. We went back to the old woman’s house to get them, but when we got there – it dawned on me that I hadn’t even packed my bags!
I started scrambling to jam everything into the suitcases. My stuff was strewn all over the bedroom – with clothes, books and papers under the bed, across the floor and on the chair and dressing table. Every time I thought I’d packed the last thing – something else caught my eye so – yet again – I had to open the suitcase and stuff it in.
As I was doing this, Leon said in his cute little voice, “What about my spoon?” I asked the old woman to get his spoon but she was ignoring me – just hanging around in the background. I kept obsessing about the spoon and packing my luggage, but was then distracted by an array of beautiful perfume bottles on the dressing table. I couldn’t decide which one to take with me.
The clock was ticking and I panicked about not getting to the airport on time. My heart was aching for Leon as I couldn’t find the spoon – but the perfume bottles continued to distract me.
THEME: Being late, disorganized, thwarted plans, neglected responsibility.
SYMBOLS: Clock, Luggage, Spoon, Perfume.
EMOTIONS: Panic, sadness, frustration, disorientation, distractions.
ARCHETYPES: Little boy, Old woman.
INTERPRETATION: This is a common theme for me – fearing that I will miss out on meeting deadlines due to unpreparedness. Since I was a teenager, I’ve had dreams about being late. I know this sounds odd – but back then, I would get some kind of a sexual thrill about being late. As I’ve matured – frustration has become the key element – no thrill!
I think this could be drilled down to – fear of missing out. I have had to deal with feeling like the rug’s been pulled out from under me – on and off – for a long time, which feeds these kinds of dreams. I am always very organized when it comes to planning – with my endless checklists and dry runs, etc. I am always annoyed when things don’t go to plan – and even though I do well with thinking outside the box and adapting – sometimes it gets to me. This could be my subconscious (or unconscious) mind – telling me that no matter what and no matter how much I plan – things can go wrong – so I just need to ease up and accept what I can’t change, etc. To go with the flow.
Having my grandson in the dream represents responsibility for others, especially those who depend on me. He was prepared – apart from having his spoon. A spoon represents sufficient nourishment, measuring medicine, comfort (especially for children – knowing that they have enough to sustain them). As my anima – the masculine side of my psyche – Leon could be representing the youthful, outgoing, powerful side of me that needs to be sustained – hence the spoon. I have been grappling with getting older lately – not feeling like I have as much energy to get things done.
He could also have appeared to show how a typical grandmother feels towards her grandchildren – concern for their well-being. I did feel remorse for obsessing about the perfume in the dream – rather than putting more effort into finding the spoon. Maybe it symbolizes my fear of not being considered sexually viable anymore, as I paid more attention to the perfume – or the alluring side of my psyche – rather than the spoon, which represented my stamina, agility – or even the idea that I should be ‘feeding my soul’ instead.
The old woman was probably another version of myself. If she symbolized how I feel in regards to getting older, in the background, unresponsive – then it makes sense. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling of late – unable to cope, forgotten, less worthy, etc. (Especially when my ego is involved with trying to get my first novel out there!)
Luggage or suitcases – pretty straight forward. They were unpacked and I struggled to get them in order. Not being able to get my shit together. I’ve been feeling that a lot lately!
SUMMARY: I need to slow down and take stock. I need to remember the important things in life and not to be so hard on myself. Having said that – I also think that the dream was telling me to focus on things that are important and not to waste precious time on things that don’t help me evolve as a human being.
Please feel free to comment or ask questions!
Dream Blogging
Something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time is blogging about dreams and their interpretations. A variety of things held me back – in particular – the idea that others might be bored with someone else’s dreams. I remember a line from “The Ref” – starring Kevin Spacey (Lloyd) and Judy Davis (Caroline). They play a couple whose marriage is on the rocks, and in the beginning they are in therapy, talking about Caroline’s dream. Lloyd is annoyed with her repeating a very personal dream and tells her that no one cares. It was hilarious – but I wondered if that was true – or if he was just annoyed with her revealing their personal problems.
True – we’re all far more interested in our own dreams than those of others – but what has finally pushed me to start writing about my own, is the fact that I have a lot of followers on my Dreamworld board on Pinterest. On that board, I pin interesting images and interpret them as though they are scenes from dreams. I’ve studied dream interpretation for a long time – and even though I’m certainly not an expert – people often come to me to ask for my advice and interpretation. (Here’s a link to my Dreamworld board: https://www.pinterest.com/lilithu/the-dreamworld/)
Another reason was that I enjoy dream interpretation (especially using the Jungian technique, archetypes, Shadow work, symbolism etc) – is that it truly helps with understanding how I’m travelling in life. The unconscious is the repository for all our hopes, desires, fears and things that affect our psychological make-up. It speaks to our conscious mind through symbolism, puns and even direct messages. When you pay attention to what your dreaming mind is trying to communicate – you can unlock secrets about yourself and gain new insights into problems or issues with your psyche, as well as those involving others and situations, etc.
I also welcome input from others – as I don’t always get it right – hence another reason I’m starting this public journey! I’m happy to assist with deciphering the dreams of others – so please feel free to share in the comments section, and I’ll endeavor to give it my best shot. (Even though the best interpretation comes from the dreamer – as only they know their true selves and what motivates them – it’s amazing what remains hidden, due to things such as refusal to face certain issues, fear or firmly held beliefs that block true understanding.)
Apparently we dream every night – but I don’t always remember my dreams, or maybe I just remember snippets, etc. I have common themes such as tidal waves, dark spaces, animals etc – like we all do. Nightmares are less common now that I’m older and have grappled with most of my demons! I find that they don’t inflict such deep fear, like they used to.
My novel – “Delwyn of the Realms – Storming Archives Book 1” – is all about a woman who accesses the dreamworld through a mirror portal. I use my knowledge of dream interpretation – as well as my experiences with astral projection and hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations – in my writing. Here’s a link to the book on Amazon:
I will try to post at least two dreams per week – so stay tuned!
Chronicle Schmonicle – Here’s Delwyn!
It’s been so hard – as any self-published author knows – to deal with marketing and promoting on multiple platforms, especially when working full time. But it’s finally paid off – my first review and it’s 5 stars! Yay!
Delwyn of the Realms (Storming Archives – Book 1) – is the culmination of my chronicles – realized as a fantasy novel. As explained previously – I decided not to write a memoir and started channeling some of my experiences into a fantasy novel. (Which was a young adult novel at first – but it was so much more fun changing it to an adult fantasy – about a woman who deals with hypnagogic hallucinations and astral projection, and finds a mirror portal to the dream world.)
I’m almost finished with the first draft of the sequel – which has become a wild ride – to say the least. It was exhilarating to discover how easy the sequel flowed, once the first book was done. I started a group board on Pinterest – called “Storming” – where fellow (invited) pinners help to inspire me with images regarding the themes in the sequel.
What is daunting is the marketing and promoting. The platforms I’m using are Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads and Goodkindles, Shelfari, Tumblr, Pinterest, Google+, Youtube – and others! I’ve used Fiverr for the book cover and advertising. I’ve paid for Twitter blasts and ad campaigns on Goodreads, Facebook etc.
However I knew that reviews would be the number one selling point – and my Beta readers (who say they’re loving the book!) – are taking their time putting reviews on Amazon. I am humbled by the amount of support they are giving me and understand that it takes time to first read a book and then review it. I’m just impatient – and seeing as I am not tech savvy – it’s been a giant learning curve.
Would I prefer to be going through a publisher instead? (Should I be so lucky? Is lucky the right word?!) I’d have to say – No – as much as the idea of someone picking it up and producing it for me is enticing. The problem is – especially these days – it could take an eon to finally get a deal with a publisher (or hook an agent), and after all is said and done – you still have to put a lot of legwork into the marketing and promoting.
So – for me – I find that having control over the book, and stretching myself thin and driving myself crazy with the promoting etc – has been a rewarding experience, after all is said and done. I released the novel as an ebook on Amazon in early Feb this year, and have only sold three units – but I started a freebie campaign today and I already have a 5 star review! (Oh Lordy – wiping sweat off my brow – teeth gnashing momentarily paused!) As at 9:19pm on this first day of the freebie campaign – 23 people have downloaded it.
I used to baulk at the idea of giving away my hard work for nothing – but the cloud has a silver lining. The great review was worth it’s weight in gold. It wasn’t selling that well without a review – so the freebie campaign has become a viable option. (The campaign ends on 3/10/15.)
What was bizarre – was that some of my Beta readers emailed me with glowing reports – but they weren’t putting the reviews on Amazon! (Sometimes it’s like herding cats – you have to be respectful and patient – not a strong point for me!) But it’s paying off and I’m learning as I go. The trick – I think, for any writer – is to persevere and not give up. Keep your eyes on the prize and remind yourself that your hard work is worthy of the struggle. (Pant, pant!)
I have created the paperback version on Createspace and am waiting for the proof to arrive so I can review it before I finally release it. I’m looking into creating bookmarks to take to bookshops, libraries etc. It’s amazing just how much is involved with promoting and marketing. AND IT NEVER ENDS! But I wouldn’t have it any other way! Once the sequel is ready for release, I will continue offering the first book free – occasionally – to keep pushing the units!!!! Where’s the vodka?
Venturing out of the Cave
Here is a short version of a dream I had the other night – which encapsulates how I feel about marketing and promoting myself as a writer. (Even though my novel hasn’t been published yet.)
I was backstage at a rave concert, and a female – that bore a striking resemblance to a certain, twerking female singer who likes to hang her tongue out – was on stage. Wearing only a pink bikini top and Doc Martens’, she was singing and talking into a microphone – while the other hand was shoving a pink microphone up her rectum! She was shaking it around vigorously and pulling it in and out as she sang and whipped the crowd into a frenzy.
Then she turned to the D.J. and said “Tell George he has to relieve me! And don’t don’t forget to tell him to shove the mike up his butt!” Then I walked around backstage and saw a t.v. under a table, showing a tattooed woman with her back to the camera – lying on her side, reaching around and playing with her butt. I walked offstage to what seemed to be a warehouse, where someone was yelling out “There’s alcohol for sale!” Like it was a big deal. People were crowding and clamoring to see, and there were tables and displays of liquor and soda.
As soon as I woke up – I got the symbolism. For the last couple of weeks I have been earnestly working on my website and checking my Twitter account (not knowing much about either, I might add!) – trying to fit in time for my miserable Author account on Facebook and answering reviews on my profile with Book country (and therefore – altering and editing my novel.)
I have been researching literary agents and publishers, set up a profile on Mythic Scribes (which is a nice place for fantasy writers), trying to perfect my synopsis and query letters, sending PDF versions of the novel to my Beta readers and so on. I’m sure it’s all worth it. I’m sure it will all pay off. I appreciate the feedback I’m getting and the constructive criticism is helping me greatly with my rewrites. In the meantime I am working a full time job and trying to write the sequel to my novel. I am up to chapter seven – first draft – and feeling quite proud of myself.
I know I’m preaching and whining to the converted – but #*%@! I feel like a cheap, second hand spruiker! I feel like a shy, dorky wallflower in a gaudy showgirl costume that’s too big or maybe – too tight for me – and I don’t know how to wear it! I keep hearing Gypsy Rose yelling “SING OUT, KELLY!” And here I am, stumbling in skyscraper heels, trying (and failing miserably) to toss a feather boa over my slumping shoulders. “Let me – entertain you. Let me – make you – wince!”
I need a scotch!
Chronicled notes emerge as my first novel
At the beginning of 2014, I set myself the goal of completing my first novel, and now I am happy to announce that I achieved that goal last weekend! That’s one of the reasons why I have neglected this blog (for shame!), as my focus was to bash out this book. During each fifteen minute break and lunch time, every day at work, I was hammering at my laptop and scrawling in my notebook, or reading and researching. On the way to and from work, I was listening to audio books, for ideas and to educate myself, on the topics included in my novel as well as on the process of writing.
Halfway through the year, it became clear that a straight out memoir was distasteful to me, for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, was the idea of airing out dirty laundry: sharing anguish and personal content, just made me feel uncomfortable. Secondly, and more importantly, I had an idea that I had been throwing around for a long time, in the form of a Young Adult story, that I wanted to put more effort into. I realized, after a time, that the story was semi autobiographical, and I started including bits and pieces from this blog.
Then I discovered all the annoying rules that come with writing for a Young Adult audience, which include things such as issues with swearing, drugs, sex and horror. I thought, “Well, that leaves me out!” So I decided to change the protagonist to an older person – a thirty year old woman, so that it would be reasonable for her to have had the experiences in the story at her age, but not too far away from her teenage years.
Then I wrestled with how complex the story was and tried my best to simplify it. Then I worried that I was dumbing it down too much. I fretted over narrowing my audience down too much, but then making it so appealing for a wider audience that it was too boring! The see-sawing was working my nerves, to say the least! Then I thought, “You know what? I’m going to tell this bloody story, get some feedback from people I know, from different age groups and backgrounds, then I’ll revise it accordingly, and not before!” Which is what I’m doing now. I’m chewing my nails and waiting with bated breath, as they read and review my baby!
So now, as I wait, I’m researching different agents and publishers, confusing myself with decisions such as having my own author’s website or just sticking with my facebook page, and this blog 😉 – also, exploring other options such as doing my own ebook or self publishing. Anyway, shall I tell you what the novel is actually about, rather than blather on about the whole boring process? I suppose I should!
It’s called “Delwyn of the Realms”.
For Delwyn, the only way out is through, and beyond! What if her astral travels and sleep disorders are real, and what she’s been told, about being off with the fairies, was a fantasy itself? After a psychotic break and a marriage breakdown, she escapes to her Aunt’s farm in the country, to recuperate. She agrees to the therapy and medication, and goes through the motions to rejoin society, but she’s always been a dreamer, and finding a mirror that’s a portal to the world of dreams is just the perfect ticket to sanity, isn’t it? As all Delwyn’s afflictions and wonderful adventures in the dreamland plummet her further into the belief that she’s a “Portal Stormer”, and that she can continue existing with “One foot in each world, riding them simultaneously; expecting not to fall!”, her Aunt, friends and doctor scramble to save her from herself. The question is: which realm is the fantasy?
Wish me luck (and any feedback is most welcome!)
Happy New Year everyone!
Monstrous wings
Thrym’s Wedding Feast in the Elder or Poetic Edda, W.G. Collingwood, ed. 1908, p. 127
I’ve had a short break from writing this memoir and listened to some audiobooks – memoirs that others have written, in order to get a feel for how different people see their lives and how they relay their stories. I can be quite anal at times, but found myself feeling lost in the stories that flooded up from my subconscious – struggling to put them in order, trying to figure out how to structure the memoir and what format to use. Should it be a dream like kaleidoscope along the lines of a surrealistic novel? Should I break it up into a collection of poetry, or even create a saga or edda-like monstrosity that takes the reader on a crazy voyage? (I don’t think my life has been that fantastic!)
I’m very mindful of not allowing this to be one of those poor pitiful me “I will survive” stories, but then I had to face what my motivation was to write it in the first place. I have, of late, been struggling with the idea of getting older. I hate that I’ve passed the forty year mark, although I don’t know what I expected – to stay young forever? If I’m honest with myself – I really don’t want to go back to when I was twenty – or thirty. I’m emotionally and financially in a much better place now. Would I like to have my youthful appearance back? Sure – who wouldn’t? So is that what it is? Fear of aging? Probably.
The idea of death creeping up is not a nice thought. However, I resolved my fear of death in my twenties. We will all die and that is that. I also realized a long time ago that death can come at any age so there’s no point worrying about it – better to live your life like there’s no tomorrow, and so on. No, what really gets to me is the idea that time is running out and I haven’t achieved all that I assumed I had set out to do. Writing this memoir has been wonderful for so many reasons, but the glaringly obvious thing is that there is still so much that I want to experience and do – and most importantly, that after all is said and done, I AM NOT WHERE I THOUGHT I WOULD BE WHEN I WAS YOUNG!
I could comfort myself with thoughts such as – “Well, who is!?” or “Whose fault is that!?” It sounds defeatist to say that I am disappointed with myself and my life. I am grateful that I am not living in a war torn country or that I did not have anywhere near as bad a life as a lot of people do. If I’m going to be negative, I would say that I am ashamed of some of the things I’ve done and that I’m embarrassed, sad and full of regrets.
But if I’m going to be positive I would say that I am proud of who I’ve been, what I survived and how I made people feel, what I’ve accomplished and how my life evolved. After all, it’s all about perspective. I remember when I was fifteen and at my grandparent’s house for my birthday. My Uncle, who was coming down off a heroin habit, gave me a card with an inscription that read “Ah, the Sweet Bird of Youth, flies too fast!” At the time I didn’t get it, but as the years rolled on, I could hear those words, spoken in his cracked voice, and I would smile ruefully to myself.
All of a sudden, here I am, punishing myself with regrets over what I could’ve done better, what I should have done by now and what I should not have done at all. But the lesson learned is not to continue to squander any more time, that every minute counts and that there’s always a chance for redemption. I have to remind myself to count on the prize of forgiveness, respect and humble pie – all wrapped up in the bundle of wisdom. This memoir doesn’t have to be perfect – it can’t be perfect.
It will be a mess of hairy arms and legs and crooked teeth gnashing against the pretense of high heels and perfect lipstick. I zigzagged my way through my life down dark alleys, along pristine hallways, through self induced poverty and flatlining in the world of the middle class. I butted my head against the pricks and became a prick and back again, kicking and screaming.
Like the memoirs I have listened to lately, I’m not going to worry about format. I’m not going to worry about whether it’s chronological or in any kind of proper order. If I want to break out in song or poetry – good! If – like my life – I want to zigzag, so be it! I have to learn not be timid with the things that belong to me. I just have to put it out there, warts and all and let it fend for itself, like a mama bird kicks the baby out of the nest. I pray for monstrous wings!
Picture: Ally McGurk/Solent News
lilithu
Notes for a Chronicle 
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